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Sad day

Lynn Smith
Posts: 1265
Joined: Mar 2011

It was a sad day yesterday. My husband's co worker and friend passed away from cancer.Started in his stomach not long after I was dx.So it's been 3 years for him.He had pneumonia in Oct and they found it had spread.Just the other day when he and I were talking,we  laughed and laughed that day ribbing my husband. My husband goes with me to feed stray cats in different areas every night.Now most men wont do that.Anyway my husband, me and this guy got close the last few months. My husband  got his tools from work and was taking them to him weekly. Our  friend  had a hard time getting around.He asked my husband about a ramp.If the weather was  warmer my husband would do it. We  wanted him to get around.Sunday my husband took him some tools.As my husband left he bent over to  hug his friend.His friend said LOVE YOU MAN. It upset my husband.Since he thinks now his friend knew. Our friend fell Monday and Tues.I was going on line to find a group to pay and help put up  a ramp for him.He knew the cost but had no money  since off work. The guys wife told my husband  Monday  she needed help.We were going to help with the ramp so he could do treatment.These were  treatments my husband made possible.My husband had  called work when he found out the guy was denied chemo through our insurance.My husband got in touch with Patient Relations.They got on it and the same day the insurance OK'd his treatment. I think the falls he had the last 2 days  just were to much.I'm sure he hurt himself and one fall he laid on the cold wet ground for 20 minutes before their neighbor came home to help him up. His wife and daughter couldn't lift him.

SO Yesterday  was a whirlwind day a depressing and hurtful day.Another life lost to this dreaded disease cancer.  Husband was told he should  go home but he stayed at work.They checked on him a few times to see if he was doing OK.just upsetting that  before we could help and get him what he wanted he passed. This was all he wanted.it was his last wish. We're upset we couldn't make it come true.

Lynn Smith

hope4thebest's picture
hope4thebest
Posts: 108
Joined: Aug 2012

Dear Lynn, 

your story is very touching, life is precious; so many times it is cancer that takes those we love away from us, but sometimes we must say goodbye despite all that we can do.  It seems like the illness brought you all closer,  I am glad that you all became so close, your friendship seems like that was one wish that you all shared.  I am sorry for your loss.

Annie

SIROD's picture
SIROD
Posts: 2124
Joined: Jun 2010

I am so very sorry for your lost Lynn.  You did make his last wish come true because the intent was there.

 

So very sorry,

 

Doris

Noel's picture
Noel
Posts: 3101
Joined: Apr 2009

You have my deepest sympathy.

Josie21
Posts: 338
Joined: Nov 2012

Hi Lynn.  I am so sorry for your loss.  It seems that your husband's friend was blessed to have you and your husband in his life.

So sorry,

Ginny

Lynn Smith
Posts: 1265
Joined: Mar 2011

They've worked together for years. He trusted my husband to do things for him. Why he asked him to get his tools etc and to check on things for his medical insurance.Things got done. The 2 falls he had was when he was going to doctor appointments.The last fall was yesterday when he paased. The family, squad and hosptial tried to bring him back but to no avail. He was tired, sick and ready to go.

Upsetting but he's in a better place.He's watching over us.His quallity of life wasn't good the last few months. Living on pain meds etc.

My husband is a Viet Nam Vet.A Purple Heart Recipient.He was wondering if he should go tomorrow.I told him of course.I know what the problem is.He's worried he will break down. It happened at the Moving Wall once.A shock to see a friend he left behind was killed.He fell to his knees and people had to rush over to help us. I couldn't get him up.He had a heart attack days later.

Thank You for your kind words.It hurts to lose our Pink Sisters and Brothers. It happens to much and we all get upset when it does.We meet here on this site.We get to know each other and then sometimes one of us passes. It does break our hearts.

Lynn Smith

jessiesmom1's picture
jessiesmom1
Posts: 711
Joined: Jun 2010

Lynn, you and your husband sound like you were great friends to your husband's co-worker. You did everything within your power to ease his journey and make his life better. While you were unable to fulfill his last request he knew you were there for him.

I am sorry for your loss.

 

IRENE

jnl's picture
jnl
Posts: 3873
Joined: May 2009

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend and husband's coworker.  My heart goes out to you both.

 

Ritzy's picture
Ritzy
Posts: 4384
Joined: Aug 2009

I am so sorry that I am late in offering my sympathy to you and your family.  How are you and your husband doing now?

Sue :(

Gabe N Abby Mom's picture
Gabe N Abby Mom
Posts: 2415
Joined: Sep 2010

Lynn,

I hope the happy memories will soon outweigh the sadness. 

Hugs,

Linda

camul's picture
camul
Posts: 2034
Joined: Dec 2010

I have to believe that our plans are laid out for us.  Sounds like he was blessed in the end with the love of his family and friends, and I am so glad that he was able to let your husband know how much he meant to him.  The ramp was important but not as important as him knowing your husband was trying to make it happen.

Hugs and prayers,

Carol

 

Alexis F's picture
Alexis F
Posts: 3604
Joined: May 2009

I'm so sorry Lynn for the loss of your husband's co worker and friend.  I am sending consoling big hugs!

Bella Luna's picture
Bella Luna
Posts: 1571
Joined: Aug 2009

Your husband and you were such good friends and samaritans to this man.  I am sure his family appreciated the time spent with him and his family.  God bless his family and yours as well.

Pink Rose
Posts: 495
Joined: Nov 2012

I am so very sorry.  I know this is hard, but, try to remember the good times.

 

Hugs, Rose

 

 

mom62
Posts: 600
Joined: Mar 2004

Lynn,

I haven't been on the board in a while but occasionally read things.  I was so saddened to hear of the loss of you and your husbands friend.  Know this, you did give him his last wish.  He was looking forward to the fact that the two of you were going to make it happen for him.  He knew he could count on the two of you to help.  Being unselfish is the best gift you can give someone.  It's the beautiful side of life. 

Regarding your husband, first of all thank him for his service from me.  Tell him it is okay to be emotional.  Holding it in is what does us in.  I know this from experience.  I can't imagine what his life was like during war, but I know in the here and now he was this mans best friend.  I'm sure his friend wants him there, and I believe he is right he did know the end was coming.  He wanted your husband to know how much he meant to him.  This too I know from experience.

When my mother-in-law was fighting her ovarian cancer for the third year I told my husband we needed to go to Florida and visit.  We took the kids on vacation and spent the week doing things with her and my father-in law.  When we were leaving and saying goodbye she looked at me and said "thank you for bringing my grand children to see me".  She then gave me a hug like no other I had ever experienced from her.  She knew she was failing in her health and died just a few months later.  When she huged me I knew what she meant (thank you for letting me see my grand children one last time).

I don't know why I am responding so strongly to your message.  I only know I am suppose to.

Sincere sympathy,

Terry

Lynn Smith
Posts: 1265
Joined: Mar 2011

You all are a awesome group.We're here for one resaon to support each other.I think about all of us and how we do with our treatments but just this time it was someone with another type of cancer. My husband saw him everday.I saw him a few times but got to talk to him lately.He's a animal lover like me(and my husband sometimes). He had dogs and I know they will miss him.Animals grieve.I've seen it before. My husband and I will be with all his coworkers tomorrow.I see him trying to keep it in.He won't want to break down in front of everyone.I wasn't with him when he was called by the family but there were some concerns from workers and office personnel.They watched him.

I was glad my husband got to hug him one last time just before his passing and his friend/co worker to tell him he loved him.I did find out he woke up.His blood sugar was very high.He went to eat something and he had a hard time breathing. He told his wife to get a shot.She did but when she came back in the room he wasn't breathing.Then the CPR was done at home in the ambulance and at the hospital.

The pill he was finally going to be able to take was the last HOPE.It was a chance they would take.For $10,000 I hope it would do something but he never found out.He was  seeking  another opinion the day he fell. He saw the doctor but there was never time for my husband to find out what the doctor told him.. His dear friend could  barely talk the day before he passed.

Again Thank You so much. I think now we have most of us who are in remission and those who are taking treatment are doing much better.Love hearing that.

Lynn Smith

Lynn Smith
Posts: 1265
Joined: Mar 2011

That hug from your mother in law meant the world to you and you taking the grandkids to see her for one last time meant the world to her.It was her final good bye.It will be a day you cherish.

Lynn Smith 

lintx's picture
lintx
Posts: 456
Joined: Sep 2012

Your story had me crying.  That friend left this world knowing your kindness was genuine.  You gave him the best gift of all.  I hope your husband will be able to handle the service.  I'll keep you in my prayers.  Love you, Linda

mom62
Posts: 600
Joined: Mar 2004

Lynn,

It will be the same for your husband as well.  In the future he will look back on that memory and have a smile on his face that he got to hug his friend before he passed. 

Terry

DianeBC's picture
DianeBC
Posts: 3888
Joined: Jun 2009

I am so sorry for your loss.  My prayers and sympathy to you and your husband.

 

 

LoveBabyJesus's picture
LoveBabyJesus
Posts: 1650
Joined: Jan 2011

Lynn - I am very sorry for your loss. I pray his friends and family find peace.

Lynn Smith
Posts: 1265
Joined: Mar 2011

Went to viewing and short service last Friday evening.It was nice.My husband did good but I did until the end and broke down with his wife.She just kept saying "This is so hard and I can't take this".I lost it.Tremendous pain.

He is in a  better place.Free of pain fear and so much more.I know we kept wanting him to make it and fight but evidently he was worse than we thought.No quality of life.Just sit and with diabetes the body is under alot more stress and problems.Your whole body can give up. I think this made him go sooner.Just so many things against him. 

His request was to be cremated..The family even said he didn't want his life prolonged if he got cancer.He lived for almost 3 years but I believe he realized he was loosing the battle just recent. Also with the cremation I learned something.I thought he wasn't going to have a viewing but he did.It was good seeing him just before he was cremated.Just more closure.But other servicies I've been to the person remains/urn were there and then the service.This was better IMO to see him one last time.I would've loved seeing my aunt after she passed and then cremated but  its the wish of the person who passed. My aunt always told me "Don't grieve for me". Even sent me a poem about that. She was good to me growiing up and she wanted me to understand her passing and not to mourn. 

As someone told me recently it's always harder for those left behind.

Lynn Smith

survivorbc09
Posts: 4378
Joined: Jun 2009

That saying that it is harder for those left behind is so true.  I am sorry for your loss.  I hope that in the days ahead, you and your husband will find some peace.

Hugs, Jan

Angie2U's picture
Angie2U
Posts: 2993
Joined: Sep 2009

I am so sorry and send my condolescences. 

 

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