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review in 9 months

kimberly sue 63's picture
kimberly sue 63
Posts: 389
Joined: Apr 2012

Below is me when I first was digesting my new cancer diagnosis, and the diagnosis of ovarian cancer....Now is me 11 months later...The thought of cancer is still very overwhelming for me. I've been done with chemotherapy for 3 months. I have had MY FIRST OFFICIAL FOLLOW UP WITH MY ca125 and it was 6 the same as it was at the end of chemo...what a relief. I feel better the moment after the results....knowing I M STILL KEEPING THE CANCER AT BAY. It is a comforting feeling to know that I'm still strong. Howvever, the experience has changed me......I think of my life span right now in three month increments of time, enjoyment, difficulties, tasks completed, and what I have lived to this point. After being diagnosed with cancer, it is not so easy to live a life of pure freedom of ignoring your mortality. I am not sure it is a blessing or a curse right now. I still struggle each day at what could happen and what may not happen... I also still live life to its fullest with all of its ups and downs. I wish I could only live all the "shits" and giggles..but that is not real life is it. I have to take all of its ups and downs too. Cancer,no matter where it imprints, it makes a change in how we live. It is our resposibility to live it the best we can. Best to all in remission, and to those just beginning or ending the journey we all share. Kim

 

Hello, I'm new to the thought of cancer. It is not that I don't understand it or know about cancer. I am a nurse practitioner and I have many patient's who have experienced or continue to experience the diagnosis of cancer. However, I am usually on the other side, the provider giving care and information. I never thought I would be on the patient side and have to experience first hand. I am a healthy 48 yer old. I've never really had any serious illness. I had four babies all healthy and now grown young women. I breastfed all of them for a significant amount of time. Now, seven days ago, I had a complete hysterectomy, bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy, omentumectomy, and full staging for ovarian cancer. My surgeons say my surgery was curative and I am waiting for the staging results. Most likely I will be planning chemotherapy. That's my story...and here is my fear! I am sure all of you have experienced the fear. Waiting for results is agonizing. Being a nurse practitioner, I of course can imagine the worst. Not knowing your future stability is unnerving. Seeing the fear in my husband's and girl's eyes is frightening! Cancer is my fear and being so new with the diagnosis the fear can be stifling. Many of you are survivors and have already experienced the newness of cancer. If you have any advice or good thoughts, I would appreciate any messages.

lovesanimals's picture
lovesanimals
Posts: 1209
Joined: Sep 2011

I'm so glad that your CA 125 is still a low 6.  That's great news.  I know how you feel though.  A cancer diagnosis changes you forever.  As one who is lucky to be NED (no evidence of disease) for over two years, I do a pretty darn good job in enjoying each day even though the thought of recurrence never completely goes away and probably never will.  At this point, I just try to focus on the things I can control.  I'm grateful and happy for each day!

Praying for all of us,

Kelly

TracieK's picture
TracieK
Posts: 45
Joined: Sep 2008

Kimberly Sue,

I felt everything you were saying in that post, especially living in those 3 months increments. I am a nurse, and I knew just enough to be a little dangerous to myself. It has been 5 years since my diagnosis and journey began. Keep that faith that living in 3 month spans, will soon be 6 month spans and then 1 year spans.......It has become easier over time, and I pray it becomes easier for you over time. 

Wishing you and yours many "giggles",

Tracie

poopergirl14052's picture
poopergirl14052
Posts: 1142
Joined: Nov 2010

That is what I try to do whether on chemo or not. Have fun and enjoy your remission....Val 

Alexandra's picture
Alexandra
Posts: 1198
Joined: Jul 2012

It's been 9.5 months since cancer dx for me. From the initial shock, disbelief and despair, BRCA1 positive adding insult to injury, through the barbaric surgery, grueling chemo treatments, hair loss, weight gain, "pleasures" of the surgical menopause and neuropathy, incessant online research trying to find a non-existent cure, to NED status in November. Cancer is no longer the first thought in my head when I wake up. My hair is growing back, estrogen pills and creams eliminated menopause symptoms, tummy tuck took care of fat and scars, I am going back to work in March. But mentally I am not the same person. Future is uncertain, I don't expect a cure anymore, recurrence is likely. It feels a little like standing in the middle of a firing range, but still standing. I accepted invitation to the class reunion in Boston in September, 7 months away and I am fairly sure that I will make it there. I got a year satellite radio subscription for my car. Life goes on.

 

wholfmeister's picture
wholfmeister
Posts: 248
Joined: Dec 2012

I am confident you will be at the reunion.  The only question is... Will you be blonde, brunette, or redhead?  Love this latest look!

wholfmeister's picture
wholfmeister
Posts: 248
Joined: Dec 2012

Double post.  How to delete?

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