Feb 10, 2013 - 8:49 pm
I'm 18 and my mom has had breast cancer since I was in 5th grade. It's been pretty controlled until over this past winter break, we found out that it has spread . Things aren't looking very good especially when I get the sense my mom is hiding things from me to protect me. She always talks as if she doesn't have much time. And the worst part is, I'm away from home because I'm in college. I'm a freshman and it gets so lonely here because nobody seems to understand what it feels like to be hurt. It's so lonely and I think I'm depressed. I feel like I should transfer to a college back home because its the right thing to do yet I can't find myself to actually DO IT. I feel horrible but I really think I have a lot of academic opportunities here. Yet I feel really bad because my mom started up chemo again but for the first time, I'm not here for her. I was ALWAYS there for her. I would skip school to be there for her, I would wake up several times a night for her, I would drive her anywhere, I would help her when she would vomit, I would take her to appointments, get her medicine, etc..in my family I was really the only one there for her. My siblings were in college and my father (being the only one working) worked all day. And now I feel like the worst child in the world because I abandoned my mother. And I haven't told a single soul what im going through because they cant possibly even fathom the idea of what I'm going through. I just feel so bad and Im so confused because a part of me wants to get my college experience but at the same time, I should be home. Im torn and I'm so alone. I feel so bad for my mom who has to go through all this pain by herself.