Feb 06, 2013 - 7:35 pm
I'm currently a Sophomore in college. My mom was diagnosed with a primary malignant glioblastoma (GBM) during the last week of my senior year in high school. She had the tumor successfully removed and has been doing a variety of treatments ever since. The doctors told her she had around a year to live, and it's already been nearly a year and a half. She has been extremely optimistic and positive throughout the whole situation.
I decided to go to college despite my mom's diagnosis, in order to make my mom happy and proud. I pretty much spent that first summer and my whole freshman year of college in denial. I'm finally starting to come to terms with the situation, however it still doesn't seem realistic to me. My mom acts like everything is fine, but I think she's just trying to keep me from worrying about her. I haven't seen her shed a tear throughout the whole situation. I think the part of her brain that was affected by the tumor may have also affected the way she experiences/expresses emotion. However, lately she has said a few things that really scare me. She talked to my brother and I about how she is going to get a large sum of money "when she dies." She said she wants my brother and I to use it for a down payment on a house. The idea of her passing away anytime soon just feels incomprehensible to me. I can't even think about it for too long without putting myself into tears. Maybe I'm still in denial? It doesn't feel real.
My whole family tends to push things under the carpet, and act like everything is fine. My brother and my dad both seem really depressed. My dad is an alcoholic, and his alcoholism has gotten much worse since my mom's diagnosis. My brother is addicted to marijuana, and smokes everyday in order to cope. I'm the only sober one in my family, and I feel like I have no one to turn to. On top of worrying about my mom, I'm constantly worried about my brother and dad and their substance abuse.
It's hard for me to accept that my mom probably doesn't have many years left to live. She's a special education teacher and the sweetest, most selfless person I've ever known. She's only 49 years old and she's the last person who deserves this. Since her diagnosis, she has continued working as much as possible because she love's her students and is committed to helping them.
I have managed to get good grades in school, but it hasn't been easy to focus on school. I think I've been mildly depressed. My school is about 5 hours from home, and I don't have any good friends here. I have isolated myself. I spent most of my time alone. I have no desire to go out and party or socialize. Next year I plan on transferring to a University that is closer to home.
I guess I just felt like spilling...I'm not one to post on websites like this but like I said, I feel like I have no where to turn to. Is anyone in a similar situation, or does anyone have advice for me...?