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Feeling super sad lately

FawnMarie3's picture
FawnMarie3
Posts: 5
Joined: Jul 2011

Hello, I am a 36 year old mother of 2 teenagers.  I was initially dx with stage 3a breast cancer in 2002 (25yrs old at the time).  In 2011 on April fool's day no less I was dx again with bone mets (skull, ribs, femars, arms, shoulders, spine and pelvic areas).  After extensive testing it was also determined that I had cancer in the plural area of my lung and in both ovaries.  I am at a complete loss, I have continued to work because I am the only primary insurance carrier for my family.  I feel like I am on complete auto pilot.  Depressed doesn't even seem to start to describe the state of mind that I am in.  I feel like everyone around me seems to forget the fact that I actually deal with this on a daily basis.  Business as usual.  I really do feel like I am going to have an emotional breakdown.  I just want to shut down and keep the world at a distance.  Does anyone else out there feel this way?

CypressCynthia's picture
CypressCynthia
Posts: 3973
Joined: Oct 2009

I am so sorry that you are suffering all of this.  I hate this disease!  Have you talked with your oncologist about your feelings?  When I was diagnosed with mets, I felt like I just couldn't deal with it by myself anymore.  It was just too much.  My onc prescribed lexapro and it has really helped keep me on an even keel.  I still have some down days, but they are much less and I defiinitely feel less overwhelmed and anxious.

McMarty's picture
McMarty
Posts: 200
Joined: Nov 2012

I'm sure we all feel that way from time to time.  I know I do.  The regular demands of life and kids along with the stress of treatments and balancing schedules for Dr, kids, meals, then God forbid someone get sick and want 'mothering' .   Yikes!  Sometimes my biggest battle is with wanting to battle and not quit!  Every once in a while, I have to remind my kids (I have two teenagers too) that I NEED HELP and gentleness!  I try to keep their lives 'normal' so this doesn't define their high school years, but sometime, I have to admit to them that I cannot keep up!

I am so fortunate not to have to work, but I do a lot of voluteer work, because I love it and it is a great distraction from being sick. 

Try to find some space, some time to be super nice to yourself.  And tell those big kiddos I said to help you and practice kindness with you!

I'm praying for you girl!  If you need to have a hissy fit, HAVE ONE!

Marty

New Flower
Posts: 4018
Joined: Aug 2009

We all have difficult day, especially stage IV survivors. It is hard when you cannot dream about future

while we can still embrace a moment enjoying today and tomorrow . I am also stage IV with mets to multiple bone locations undergoing Chemo therapy Xeloda. I am also  

http://csn.cancer.org/node/253649

hope4thebest's picture
hope4thebest
Posts: 108
Joined: Aug 2012

Hi, Yes, I can relate.  When I was at the hardest point in my treatment, I looked at the day divided into quarters: 1st quarter 6am till noon, second noon to 6pm, etc.  I broke it down and spliced even the minutes to 'get through' them.  It gets too unpredictable to look too far ahead, and what is most important is getting through your day.  

We are all different, I am single and was unemployed, so missed the distraction of family or the job.  It is healthy to try to maintain that daily rhythm and routine, ultimately these things may be serving more than think?  We look different than we feel inside, so most people see us as 'ok', even if we are not.  It is hard to speak up and remind them that we need help, and be SPECIFIC.  Your teens can do things to help around the house.

Also I wanted to remind you that the people around you are processing and sometimes the words are not flowing.  People really do not know what to say, very few have an idea.  

I agree that your oncologist, or regular Dr.  A support group may also help.

Our world changes and those we thought were close all of the sudden become outsiders.  For me, my team of Dr's became my new friends, who gave me comfort and security.  Maybe your traditional support network needs to be adjusted to suit your most urgent needs, as of present.  With your new situation, also come different people who are powerful and important to your journey.  

Wishing you the best, and some peace of mind as you move forward.  

PS: Sometimes when it is too much, I make myself take a timeout-  I sit or lay down, close the eyes and deep breaths for 5 mintues. 

camul's picture
camul
Posts: 2062
Joined: Dec 2010

I know that I felt that way the first time around and continued to work through all but the mastectomy.  In 2002 I had 2 teenagers, was transferred out of state, my mom had just had a massive stroke, my youngest informed me on moving day that he was staying with his dad.  Had to drive back every Thursday for chemo and/or dr appts then drive back with a trash bag on Sunday.  My older son graduated early from high school to go with me, totally overwhelmed.  Then in 2010, was diagnosed with mets to most bones, skull, skin, etc, then while on chemo to liver, connective tissues around lungs and ribs. 

I 'look' good thoujh, so to most people everything is ok.  I am so sorry that you are going through this,  You are not alone.  To those not going through it (thank God they are not!), they just have no idea what it is like.  I can't imagine feeling the way I do now and having to go to work, although, I would give anything to feel good enough that I could!

I too would talk to your onco, or primary care doctor.  With the first bout, I ended up on Welbutrin and it was a lifesaver for me.  I always felt that I was a hair away from losing it until then.  I was on it for about a year and it was a life saver.  This time around I saw a therapist to help me put everything in perspective. Recently, I joined a support group and it was one of my best moves! 

I absolutely hate this disease and wish there was some way to make life better for everyone of us.  Laughter has been the closest thing I could find.

Hugs and prayers,

Carol

 

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5375
Joined: Oct 2010

hugs heading yours way...

 

sounds simple but have you tried a journal...?

MY thoughts are with you..i'll check back for updates...

 

Denise

Gabe N Abby Mom's picture
Gabe N Abby Mom
Posts: 2415
Joined: Sep 2010

I don't feel that way now, but I did feel that way.  Lots of it was exhaustion, but I took a LOA from work.  My doc put me on a chemo break and anti-depressants.  In a few short weeks, the world was a better place again.

That solution may or may not work for you, but you might want to consider making some adjustments...maybe a reduced work schedule (part of your FMLA) or an intermitant LOA?  I would suggest talking to someone in your HR dept about your options.  You might also want to talk with a social worker or counselor at your cancer center.  I talk with a social worker about once every 6 weeks, and she has been lots of help.

Hugs,

Linda

 

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