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DON'T WANT TO BE A BAD FRIEND

Friendof_aFriend
Posts: 8
Joined: Jan 2013

I have tried and tried and tried to be as supporting as possible to one of my closest friends diagnosed recently w/ Hodgkins Lymphoma. It's EXTREMELY draining and I feel really discouraged. Just the other night I was away from the phone and I guess chemo has resulted in some shortness of breath, she lost her breath momentarily & FREAKED OUT, yelled at me, and got really emotional for no reason. Just today she had to be rushed to the ER for chest pains and not being able to breathe, she's OK now but doesn't feel like I cared enough (??) What can I do when I barely know whats going on??? Idk lately it's been feeling like everytime she comes around theres a dark cloud, ruining my personal good moments w/ talk about chemo, hair loss, medications, and symptoms. My life doesn't feel like my own now..............  

NANCYL1
Posts: 263
Joined: Jun 2012

Hi:

Does your friend have no one to speak to except you?  I am thinking that perhaps she needs a professional to speak to on a regular basis.  Anti-depressent drugs like Lexapro or the generic,  or anti-anxiety drugs like Ativan, or the generic might help.   I can't keep things in all the time.  I must communicate and I do see a psychologist.    One person alone should not handle all the stress.    Sounds like much too much for you.  Would she consider posting on this board?  Might be another good idea.

Let us know how you are doing.

Nancy

   

onlytoday's picture
onlytoday
Posts: 596
Joined: Jun 2010

Hi,

I agree with Nancy that this is too much for one person.  We all need support at times and a cancer diagnosis is usually a pretty good time to seek professional help.  If your friend is opposed to that for some reason hopefully she can lean on others so that the whole burden is not on you.  Remember your limitations.  You are trying to be a good friend in whatever ways you can and are doing the best you can.  NO ONE can be all things to another. 

Good luck and I hope your friend feels better.

 

 

 

 

cathyp's picture
cathyp
Posts: 366
Joined: Dec 2009

Sometimes, we the patient, seem to lash out at those that are closest to us.  We are in the midst of feeling out of control and you may be the target of the patient's frustrations.  It's not fair to you but it's usually temporary. 

I agree with having your friend talk to someone who has "been there done that", join this list or many other support boards out there (many for young cancer patients) or a professional.  In the meantime, just remember it's nothing you are or aren't doing.  It's just the situation that is bigger than the both of you right now. 

Hang in there,

Cathy

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