Jan 31, 2013 - 11:45 pm
I am having a hard time trying to stay chipper and hopeful. I have been stuck in the house for two weeks with the exception of the one doctor's appointment and chemotherapy. We don't have company other than David's mom and we don't want her to have to come out everyday since she hasn't been a widow much longer than I've been dealing with David's cancer. His mom is such an angel, but she lived the life I am living now for almost three years and she really needs a break. I want her to be able to see David and enjoy him, but not have to be his caretaker. We don't really have any family stepping up to the plate to relieve me, so I am by myself a lot. I know realistically that everything that David requires scares people, but it would be nice if I had company some. He sleeps the majority of the day and it leaves me by myself. When he is awake it seems like non-stop caretending and I find myself feeling starved for affection. I realized today that it has been over six months since my husband kissed me and five since he even hugged me. This is really difficult. Most of my friends think that I should just get out, they think he had to know he was sick and it's not fair that I have to give up everything to take care of him. 98% of the time I think that is hogwash, but 2% of the time I just want to run away.