Cancer Survivors Network

Its so sad and hard to hear someone put your exact feeling and thinking into words. It is awful to think others out there are experiencing this same rollercaoster of emotions, helplessness and just plain anger.

Only today I spoke with my mums oncolongist with regards to her cancer. We were both given the devasting news that chemo can no longer help and all that can be done now is pain relief.

On behalf of Dad and for myself, as well I spoke with her Dr. alone, as she did not want to know a prognosis (which if I was in her shoes I wouldnt want to know either). Boy it was like a blow to the heart when he said my mum only had weeks to live.I mean we have been living with this cancer for 6 months but it still doesnt prepare you for the reality of a final countdown.

Hardest was to tell my Dad, whos has been with my mum for 41 years, he is her yin to her yang. Mum is 59 years young.

Whats harder is my mum is such a brave person. She never says if theres pain of if shes not feeling well. She always wants to protect us, but I just wish she'd let us in so we can share with her. I have no idea what she is thinking or how she is coping because she puts on such a brave face and doesnt want us to worry, but that is getting harder for me, sometimes I just wish she'd share a little so I can cry with her and try to be her protector.

I just dont know what to feel anymore, I have been searching the web to find more information on what is to be expected in this final stage and I guess it wasnt facts and information I was seeking, it was emotional support from those going through the same.

I have been reading throug the discussion boards and have found so much useful information and peoples views and experiences it really does make me feel not so lonely anymore.