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I lost my mom a year and a half ago along with my sense of self- need some encouragement

Breemissesmomsomuch
Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2013

So I was on Google trying to find a discussion board for people that have lost their moms to cancer- this was the first one I found. I need some life encouragement.

My mom was diagnosed when I was 15 years old with Breast Cancer. The doctor told her she would be fine and that they were just going to remove the lump. After surgery they wheel her out and tell us Im so sorry we had to remove the whole breast. When my mom wakes, she hears the news and is a complete mess- as I would be too. She ends up deciding to remove the other breast and having reconstruction. I have never seen my mom go through so much pain and be so dependent. 

She does chemo and goes into remission.

Four years later, her back starts hurting so she goes and gets checked out to find out she now has matasisized breast cancer that lead to her bone, brian and liver. For a little less than the next year my mom lost almost all the weight on her body, all her hair, all energy to do anything but lay in bed. I hated it- my mom was the person that would go to concerts on the weekends, go running every day she got home from work, walk her dog while drinking a glass of wine; she was also my best friend. My mom helped me through so much in high school- I told her everything- something Ill never forget is laying in her bed and watching the Bachelor every Monday night or laughing so hard we are crying. I always knew she was there for me no matter what. One Monday night in August 2011 my mom was laying on the couch saying she could hear her brothers voice (her twin who had passed away when they were 33, my mom was 49 when she died)- we all thought that was strange. For the rest of that week my mom got progressively worse and at one point, not knowing who I was (or so it seemed). Her liver was so swollen pretruding out of her stick skinny body. That Saturday evening my mom falls asleep- she never wakes up. On Sunday morning she still isnt awake- we call hospice to come over- my mom is in acoma. They tell us she could be like that for months, days or hours. 3:33pm on August 12, 2011 my mom stopped breathing. Right in that moment I take off her anklet and thumb ring- Ive worn them every day since. 

It was now just me and my younger brother alone in our moms house. We live in it for a year and finally sell it. Last July me and my brother moved into our own apartment. Its hard but i dont know what I would do without him. I am now 22 and my brother is 19.

Since my mom died I have never felt so alone. I feel like I have no idea where my life is going. I think about having kids and getting married and none of it sounds exciting without her. I want her advice and I want her support. I have pushed myself away from all my friends- they just dont get how I am feeling and want to enjoy themselves. I look at them and thihnk I cant enjoy myself- you guys get to go home to your moms and family and I dont. I would do anything to have my mom back. I would do anything to hear her voice or give her a hug. I cant do anything without feeling like she is watching my every move.

But I am sick of these feelings; I want to move on and be happy. I want to enjoy my life and not live for my mom anymore. I just feel so lost...

Merna Al-Shimy's picture
Merna Al-Shimy
Posts: 5
Joined: Jan 2013

Breemissesmomsomuch :) your lost is big and not easy .Your mam, your life, your soul and every thing in your life.

But that not mean to stop our life for our lose. Remember time don't wait any one. If you want to be happy, you have to fight and work hard in your life and remember your god with you. remember also your mather in the peridise and you have to fight  to make her happy :)

Die is a bad monster take our lovers and all people but we have to put our bad memories in another side and move on

you also have a brother you have fighting for him also :)

I hope you be smile like a sun soooon :D 

Noellesmom
Posts: 1278
Joined: Aug 2010

Bree, you are so young to have lost your mom.  I'm glad you and your brother have each other.  I am so sorry you are going through this.

I want you to look at something a person of your young years would probably never do.  It is Elizabeth Kubler Ross's Stages of Grief.  You may have seen this in a psychology class in high school or college but until it applies to you, it doesn't have much meaning.

I know the wounds you have are still very fresh - you've gone through major holidays without your mom and that is so hard, no matter at what age one loses their mother.  People will tell you that it gets easier with time and in some ways that is true - in others, not so much.

I hope you have other family, aunts and uncles or grandparents, to whom you are close and available to you. 

We are hear to listen.

Hugs.

 

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