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I Have Realized

virtual_voyager
Posts: 33
Joined: Jun 2010

 

No matter how long I live, the rest of my life I will miss her more with each passing day.

It's been over a year since she passed and I have become numb to the heartbreaking pain.  It doesn't go away.  It sits there  like a jagged scar on your heart.  Numbed, not healed by time.

Truly, of all that which wreaks havoc on our emotions and senses it must be loneliness from loss that brings the greatest pain.

Even when among friends and family there is always a sense of being out of place.  The alone in a crowd thing I suppose.

Fleeting moments of anger, bitterness, resentment, etc., have receded to little, if any, emotional effort now.  I don't have the energy.  I need all I can get (energy) to maintain my zombie-like routine of "getting by".

I have realized 'tis true...."better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

I have realized the remainder of my voyage will be spent yearning for the touch of her hand and the sound of her voice.

V V

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

mr steve
Posts: 286
Joined: Sep 2009

VV,

as each day passes I too miss my love. My heart does feel like broken glass. Missing the smile and the touch of her hand, the way she would toss her hair, complain of the coffee made too weak. I am getting over the big things but it is the little ones that bring the hurt back.

geotina's picture
geotina
Posts: 2044
Joined: Oct 2009

I'm sorry for your pain.  I am only 10 weeks out from losing my husband to colon cancer after a 3 1/2 year battle.  At first I was numb with shock, kept thinking, no it was a dream, it didn't happen, you are not alone, he is only in the hospital for fluids like we did so many times,  but now reality has set in, it wasn't a dream, you are alone, he will never sleep next to me again, I will never feel his touch, fix his meals, do his laundry.  I never thought such loneliness existed until now.  The pain of loss is so very overwheling it is beyond words.

I hope there are days ahead when I wil learn to smile again.  Look at pictures with fond memories not tears, and I wish the same for you.

Tina

mom_in_CT
Posts: 19
Joined: Jun 2011

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my 29-year old daughter/best friend 2 days after Christmas to a brain tumor. I have been grieving for the past four years and the pain and sadness seems to become greater with each passing day. I need an "off" button. I just want to stop thinking about what "we" have been through and all the things that I'll never get to do with her again. I watched her take her last breath. I miss her terribly. I'm sorry that even at a year out, your pain is so intense.

donnare
Posts: 266
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi VV,

I lost my husband on November 28, 2012.  It hasn't even been two months, and yet I know this pain and loneliness is just something that I will learn to live with, but never get over.  My heart is broken and always will be.  I moved through the first couple weeks in a fog, and now it seems I can't stop crying.  My husband is everywhere and nowhere.  I can't stop talking to him, and seeing him take his last breath, and thinking about how vulnerable and sick he was at the end.  I am angry about that too -- his last weeks. 

This is awful and I am sorry for all of us going through this. 

I will keep you all in my prayers.

Donna

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