Jan 12, 2013 - 4:13 pm
We are never ever ever EVER getting back together!!
When I think about the quality of my life over the past 2-3 weeks, I understand giving up. In fact if MDPL hadn't broken up with me. I would have broken up with it! I was reduced to a sleeping princess (escaping the twisted reality that had become MY reality) and a babbling idiot speaking in tongues even I didn't understand, and an awakeness that was puctuated with falling down, hearing strange noises and seeing a powerpoint presentation of my life in my head. Sound like fun? Trust me. I had the doctors' attention pretty quickly. First was the revelation that the medicine had skyrocketed my calcium to the point of hallucinations. And that in turn had really screwed with my eating and my RBC. In reaction, I had a zometa infusion on Wednedesday and that really seemed to help. Eating has also really seemed to sharpen my focus. I had lost way too much weight and eating had become my lowest priority (WAAAY below standing up without fallling down!)
So I had the scans yesterday. While the scans showed a little stability there was too much growth for the equation (for those of you who know what I mean.) And in addition, the side effects were having a tumbing effect. In other words, the medicine wasn't really helping me enough to continue to slowing kill myself with the side effects. The numbers of my blood work probably look more like that of a developing vertebrate than a homo sapien....Perhaps that is somewhat of an exaggeration,, but priority ONE is to get me back "in Whack" for future viewings! LOL
So how am I? I am actually relieved that this merrygoround has ground to a halt, and I am still left with a plethora of choices with which to treat myself. I mean...I can be back to votrient if I want to! Or I can try another clinical trial in Gay Paree. The door is open and I'm looking for another beau! (Must like small scrappy women with a good sense of humor.) Seriously, I can only be who I am, and that is a positive force, a person who REFUSES to cash it in, and a fighter who has been known to fight dirty. (Go with that one....hmmmm)
In one teeeeeeeny tiiiiiny part of my heart I do feel as though I have let the collective team down, but fear not!!! Paula is going to try to mop the floor with rcc or going to die trying.
I love you and you all are still part of my fight.
PS...forgot to tell you all. Getting a procrit shot Monday. Welcome Red Blood Cells!