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Fear

seesun87
Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2013

How do I overcome the fear that I'm going to die? I was just diagnoised with colon cancer the first week of December. I had been having problems with swollen lymphnodes on the right side of my neck for a couple of months.  I was being treated with antibiotices for what a doctor at a walk-in clinic felt was due to a bad tooth.  After this did not help I went to an ER and a chest x-ray showed a spot in my lungs (the area between my lungs).  After a CT scan they said I should see an Oncologist due to possible Lymphoma.  I saw an Oncologist (who I had worked for in 2008) who remained a friend. She sent me for a PET scan the next day. The PET only showed the spot between the lungs. The next day I had a bone marrow biopsy which came back clean expect for the spot between the lungs.  The biopsy was poorly differentiated and suggested metastatic gastrointestinal tract carcinoma. I was sent for colonoscopy/endoscopy the next day and it did not show anything. My oncologist (which is at a large cancer institute) said they had to treat it as colon cancer.  I am now on chemo every two weeks. I had my first treatment the day after Christmas.  I am on5-FU, Leucovorin, and Avastin. I am trying so hard to stay positive, but it seems all I can do is cry.  I would sure appreciate any feedback. Thank you, Debbie

thxmiker's picture
thxmiker
Posts: 1216
Joined: Oct 2010

Welcome!  We are sendiing our thoughts and prayers for you to find answers and strength to fight this battle.

 

Fear is normal!  When I first got diagnosed, we were in shock.  It is OK to take a moment and Cry. Then gather up your strength and move on.  I had to gather my strength and put it to finding the answers for the battle of cancer.  Fear is normal, and use that to read and interview Doxtors for one whom has a good solution for you. We are also going into territory unknown. Most people fear the unknown, agaiin, this is normal.

 

We were told in June 2012 that I was healthy and NED. (No Evidence of Disease) We had a Woo Hoo moment. Then at the end of June 2012 a Tumor was found during a Colonscopy. The Battle continues. We gathered our strength and now I am preping for round 3 of my new life with cancer.  Manay are lucky and batle cancer once, then have it in their experience of life, for me it is a change in my life.

 

One of the best things I have read, is ,"We do not have an expiration date."  Live that way!  We are still more likely to get run over by a car then to get run over by cancer.  I do tell my wife and loved ones, that I care and love them much more often. I no lonnger take these precious relationships as casual.

 

Best Always, mike 

marbleotis's picture
marbleotis
Posts: 485
Joined: Mar 2012

Fear is not necessiarly a bad thing.  I know it sounds odd, but fear makes you fight.  It keeps you keen and in the moment.  It makes you educate yourself and continue to ask questions.  I makes you fight to stay alive.  Sorry you had to join this club.  It is a great source of information and comfort.  I was Dx'ed stage 3b colon cancer on 1/13/12.  It was Friday the 13th.  I was 49.  Boy, God has a sense of humor.  I had colon resection and 12 rounds of Oxali / 5-FU.  CEA good and clean scan in Spet.  1 yr colonoscopy on 1/28/13.  I am moving toward 1 year NED on 1/30/13.  As you can see it is an up hill climb.  Some days you will be sad,  just be sad but not too long.  Some days happy, enjoy those. Please keep us updated.  

marbleotis's picture
marbleotis
Posts: 485
Joined: Mar 2012

sorry hit button twice  

Momof2plusteentwins's picture
Momof2plusteentwins
Posts: 446
Joined: May 2012

I know exactly how you feel. I was diagnosed April 11, 2012. I went through 5 weeks of chemoradiation and I cried every day. I am stage IV rectal cancer. I couldn't sleep, that's all I could think about was dying and leaving my husband and 4 children. My dr gave me prescriptions for Ativan (anxiety), ambien (sleep), and a med for depression. It is now 9 months later and I don't take any meds except for depression. I am not recommending you take all these all the time but they did help me through the first couple months. The Ativan put me in a fog state, but I didn't cry. The first few months are the hardest. I went through surgery and 6 months of Folfox and finished on Dec 17th. You will stop crying and start fighting, it's just getting over the shock of cancer. Just the word is scary. Good luck, it will get easier.
Sandy :)

dmj101's picture
dmj101
Posts: 526
Joined: Nov 2011

Deb. we all here are holding your hand right NOW!!!!  <3

We can all relate to the FEAR... Fear of the unknown...the word cancer makes you feel so small.. so lost and so confused and no matter what those around you are saying to comfort you - it has no effect... Am I on target so far...

I remember this well as right now I am having my own fear frenzy.. every year for the last 5 years from Dec - Mar something has failed for me.. so.. my antenae are up!

I cannot compensate for this fear.. in the end I come thru it.. I make a plan to everyday breath, smile and laugh and talk to at least 1 person.

Peace...

 

pete43lost_at_sea's picture
pete43lost_at_sea
Posts: 3915
Joined: Nov 2010

may i suggest stopping trying to be positive, i think being positive comes naturally.

maybe you need support from those around you, friends, family, god.

i found simply meditation and prayer helped keep me positive, i also have has lots of support here and in other areas of my life.

qigong and yoga, walking etc etc etc.

i am not commenting pn therapies, i will leave that to others, peace of mind, faith and hope are essential to living well with this illness and to our chance to prevail.

I have hope, i hope you find hope. if you look for it, if you truely seek it with your heart, theni pray you find it. i have and i am here typing and my stage 4 well I misplaced the tumours and in their place i have hope.

hugs,

Pete

annalexandria's picture
annalexandria
Posts: 2211
Joined: Oct 2011

you are in the very early stages of the cancer journey, and in my experience, this was the hardest, scariest phase.  It takes time to come to grips with a cancer diagnoses, but I promise you, with time, it will get easier.  It never becomes a good thing, of course, but it does become a burden that you can bear.  Some of the things that helped me was sharing my experience on forums like this, talking to a professional who had experience dealing with cancer (my doc's office had a social worker available), getting outside and getting fresh air whenever possible (not always easy when I felt terrible from chemo), and making use of an anti-anxiety medication as needed.  Please keep us posted on how you're doing, and we'll do our best to give you a little support as you walk this path.   Hugs~Ann Alexandria

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