Jan 03, 2013 - 1:54 pm
I told my oldest son the results of my pathology report last night (Stage 3 Grade 3 N0 M0). Not something I wanted to do, but it had to be done. I've been considering why I didn't want to share it with him. Being a source of sadness to my children is one of the most difficult things for me to do. Also, I realize I have this huge fear of being a burden to them.
Last night the sadness returned that I haven't noticed recently and I cried for what seemed like no reason at all. The mini panic attacks returned as well. However, I managed to get a good night's sleep and this morning I did my meditation and went through my list of things I'm grateful for and that helped a great deal.
Today the sun is shining and it's a beautiful, clear day outside.
As far as I know I'm cancer free today, but I'm hoping to get to a place where it's ok either way, because it's really out of my control and worrying about things I can't control isn't healthy for me. It may be time (finally at my age) to do what I can about something and really, completely let go of it after that. Or is that some kind of unattainable goal? As long as I'm breathing, am I going to keep obsessing and trying to control everything around me?
This disease really brings things down to the bare metal.