Jan 02, 2013 - 2:59 pm
I am more of a lurker than anything, I have gained a lot of encouragement from reading all the posts and I try keep up with those who have things going on- good and unfortunately not so good. Today, though, I am having a "poor me" day and I need a pat on the back, please. My last Chemo was on Nov 1 and my last radiation was on Nov 13. However- I still have a large ulcer on my tongue from the mucositis- its about an inch square in the middle of the top side of my tongue. I found I could eat solid foods again right before Christmas- at least some solid foods, if I was very careful- no fruit or cookie type items though, I had been drinking ensure pretty much exclusively since September. My magic mouthwash and my viscous lidociane are still good friends, percocet when I need it- mostly at night.
I find myself at work today- and I have forgoten to bring my magic mouthwash and my lidocaine with me. I was in a rush this morning and they just didn't make it in my bag, no percocet either. I am about to rinse with salt and soda after I post this- but the pain, although usually fairly well comtrolled, has just set me off. Boy, I am tired of all this!!! I have had great support from friends and family- but- through most of this I haven't looked sick- unless you count the stitches on my face right after surgery- but the surgeon did such a great job you can't even tell now (and yes, i am grateful) but I think my husbsnd forgets that I am still dealing with some significant pain, and I still don't feel like I have all my energy back. At work and at home everyone has gone back to having their normal expectations of me- and I just don't feel up to it.
Thanks for listening, I feel like a spoiled child next to what some of you have gone through - or are going through. I thought what the heck, though- i'll put this out there and see if someone can't help me gain some perspective.