Jan 02, 2013 - 1:45 pm
Its been over a year now back in April 2012 that I introduced myself with a post "Is the Fight Worth It" and got so many uplifting responses. I did fight it and thought I had won back in Oct when I posted NED per the Doctor reviews of the CT scan. Since then however things have changed, my left ear started to bother me and I posted and got good replies, likely RADs, soar thoart and neck the same Rads?. Well I then had my PET scan and it came back with a Hot Spot that cannot be determined to be cancer or not so they are planning to do a biopsy in a few weeks under anestesia. I posted about neck dissection should that need to be and got nice replies from Marine 5, Longtime Survivor, Pam, and others which I appreciated. So why am I posting this, because I feel I right back to "Is the Fight Worth It" i feel sad, I thought I by the Grace of God had made it thru the Chemo/Rads and although it took its toll I survived and even seem to be feeling better although had a bad bought with depression, think Im still dealing with it. Im just not sure my body and mind could handle the neck dissection and even then Im confused, is that where the cure would come from they would remove the last bit of cancer and move on? Im down to 130 lbs so does that mean Peg Tube? something I was lucky not to have previously. I do not mean to have wasted the earlier responses on previous post plus a few PM I received. I guess Im just so SCARED AND DISAPPOINTED that my biggest fear the surgery is looming out there. I know the saying its not cancer tell they say it is but I just have a gut feeling with the symptoms Im having and the ONC Doc said 50/50 the ENT just not great bed side manner so not sure. I guess I just really needed to reach out to my online family for HOPE, I having a hard time manufacturing my own.