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Dating again advise please

teresa41's picture
teresa41
Posts: 454
Joined: Jun 2009

I lost my fiancé 2 years ago he died of course I had the drama I went through with his family I have been single alone for 2 years. So I have  met someone now that would like for us to start dating I was honest with him about having breast cancer thinking I should be to my surprise he was fine with it his mom and grandmother are both survivors. he would like for us to meet this week we have just emailed that's it . My problem is I feel like I'm cheating on my fiancé even though he is gone and I'm afraid I will get hurt but yet I'm tired of being alone. It's kinda scary meeting someone new after all I have went through and being single 2 years I wonder if I'm ready. Does this make sense? Any advise would be appreciated.

 

 

 

     Thank You

     Teresa

faith_trust_and_a_little_bit_of_chemotherapy's picture
faith_trust_and...
Posts: 308
Joined: Jun 2010

I am of the opinion that anyone that loves you or has loved you wants you to have health, joy, and love...the whole kit and caboodle.  Too, there will always be risks.

To quote Butters from South Park on the loss of his first love...

"Well yeah, and I'm sad, but at the same time I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt somethin' really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good, so I guess what I'm feelin' is like a, beautiful sadness. I guess that sounds stupid." 

This is just a meeting...relax, inhale, exhale, and have a pleasant time.  

Baby steps.

 

SIROD's picture
SIROD
Posts: 2204
Joined: Jun 2010

Life is to short to sit and continued to mourn the loss of a fiancee after 2 years.  Time is a fleeing.  Remember your late fiancee with the warm memories that you have for him.  

It sounds as though you have met (albeit online) a nice man.  Your not being ask to marry him, just to meet and see if the real live man measures up to the online version you have of him.  If so, continue to date, it is not a contract, just an agreement to enjoy each other's company and see what develops.  If he isn't what you hoped for, at most you lost just a little time.

Do go on to enjoy life, we all know that it is to short.

Keep us posted too.

Wishing you a good time,

Doris

 

 

 

TraciInLA's picture
TraciInLA
Posts: 1875
Joined: Jul 2009

Teresa, I remember when you lost your fiance, and what an awful time that was for you.  You deserve some happiness, and even just to have a little fun in your life again!

As much as I hate to agree with faith_trust...:-)...she and Doris are right:  You're not marrying the guy, just meeting him.  Plan to meet just for coffee, something easy and casual, so you don't have the added pressure of a fancy restaurant or having to get dressed up.  Keep it simple and light, and just get a feel for what he's like in person.

Breathe, enjoy yourself, and let us know how it goes!

Traci

Bella Luna's picture
Bella Luna
Posts: 1579
Joined: Aug 2009

Teresa... you are getting plenty of good advise.   Go enjoy and let us know how it goes.  Looking forward to an update.

Ines

 

Gabe N Abby Mom's picture
Gabe N Abby Mom
Posts: 2415
Joined: Sep 2010

I agree....relax.  It's just a chance to get to know each other better.   I would think that telling him about the BC would be the most difficult part.   Meeting him shouldn't be any harder than that.  Let us know how it goes.

 

Hugs,

Linda

cinnamonsmile
Posts: 1070
Joined: Dec 2010

My fiancee also died years ago. It took me five years to go on a date. I litarally only thought about dating three times in the whole five years. The first summer I went on a two dates. One I really enjoyed, the other was a sneaky perv who gave me an alcocholic drink when I asked for non-alcoholic. The one guy who I enjoyed time with never called me back. But that is ok. I stopped dating until 2011 summer again. The first guy I dated was crazy, I thought I had a crazy stalker on my hands, but just faded away. But I met Brian. Brian and I have been together since our first date 6/11/10.

I have never thought I was cheating on my late fiancee. Of course it is scarey. Doing something new, something unknown is always scarey. I just tried to go into the dates without expecting the out come that we would be happily ever after. I think it is easier to go in without expectations of the future, but I realize sometimes it is hard to do.

I just wanted to test the waters. When I didn't like the waters, I stopped until I was ready to try it again. And got a big surprise in 2010.

You will know if you are ready. And if you try it, and it doesn't work, then pull back and wait until you get that little voice that says, Lets try it again.

I wish you the best.

P.S. do a criminal background history on him. most states have a way to look up people in the courts system for free. meet him in public. don't let him pick you up, drive yourself there. make sure it is a place that has people in it. park in a well lit area right next to the establishment where you are meeting.

 

SIROD's picture
SIROD
Posts: 2204
Joined: Jun 2010

Very good advise about where to meet, park and etc.  Always better to play it safe.

 

Best,

 

Doirs

Double Whammy's picture
Double Whammy
Posts: 2371
Joined: Jun 2010

And be sure to let us know how it went.  I hope everything goes well.  Remember, be friends first.

Suzanne

Angie2U's picture
Angie2U
Posts: 2993
Joined: Sep 2009

Teresa, you deserve happiness and love, so, go for it!  This is just a meeting, nothing more.  If it were to turn into something more, that would be great, but, don't put so much pressure on yourself. 

 

Just meet him and enjoy it!  And, let us know how it goes.

 

Hugs, Angie

teresa41's picture
teresa41
Posts: 454
Joined: Jun 2009

Thanks and thank you cinnamon it's nice to hear from someone that's been through the same situation  .

 

 

 

      Teresa

lintx's picture
lintx
Posts: 461
Joined: Sep 2012

Yes, you do deserve companionship, so check him out!  Cinnamon has perfect advice and knows where you're coming from.  Let us know how it goes. Linda

Alexis F's picture
Alexis F
Posts: 3604
Joined: May 2009

Teresa, I know this must be difficult and I am so proud of you for getting out there and dating again.  You certainly deserve happiness!

 

Hugs, Lex

survivorbc09
Posts: 4378
Joined: Jun 2009

When are you meeting him Teresa?  I bet everything will be fine.  Try to relax and just enjoy your time with him.  And, keep us posted.

 

Hugs, Jan

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5591
Joined: Oct 2010

Sorry for your lose....but being alone is hard, as well. I really have no advice..just wanted to say "thinking of you" and hope all works out..

 

Denise

teresa41's picture
teresa41
Posts: 454
Joined: Jun 2009

Just a update we were to meet Saturday  he never let me know anything so Monday night he sends me a email  I'm sorry I am sick but I still want to meet. Ha I deleted the e mail didn't reply back. So I agree with cinnamon I will test the waters again someday in the future .

 

 

  Thanks pink sisters

    Teresa

Angie2U's picture
Angie2U
Posts: 2993
Joined: Sep 2009

Sorry Teresa.  Yes, you can test the waters again whenever you want!

survivorbc09
Posts: 4378
Joined: Jun 2009

He didn't show up?  Maybe it was all for the better Teresa.  And, there are lots of other men out there.  You'll find love and happiness again, I just know it!

 

Hugs, Jan

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