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Sad Christmas

lizbthmagallon
Posts: 30
Joined: Aug 2012

This Christmas was sad. How to think of life when the only thing in my mind in death. My mother was in pain all day Christmas Eve. She takes morphine every 3 hours. Christmas day same thing in pain and in tears. Mom was diagnosed 1 year ago. But the last 4 months have been horrible. Its hard to celebrate, to be happy when I see my mother laying down and in tears.

I know I should have faith and that there are survivors, but when you are going through it and to think of the future is hard.

Everything I read says that she has a really bad prognosis. I dont want her to suffer for years, but I know thats not for me to decide, or the doctor's, my GOD is the one that has the last word.

Mom has RCC stage 4 meds to lungs, brain, pelvic area and spine bone L1. Any one else with same diagnosis?

 

 

 

 

 

 

rae_rae's picture
rae_rae
Posts: 266
Joined: Oct 2010

That your mom is having so much pain. It's hard when you see someone suffer and do not know what to do for them. Please be sure to get some help dealing with this. It is emotionally, spiritually and physically draining on you, and you need to be healthy in all areas to provide care for your mom. While there is always hope, sometimes it also doesn't hurt to consider palliative care or hospice to make sure your mom, you and your dad are being made as comfortable as possible and able to handle the stress of caring for an ailing loved one. God Bless you and your Mom.

 

lizbthmagallon
Posts: 30
Joined: Aug 2012

Thank You rae-rae for your kind words.

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 1876
Joined: Oct 2011

Liz, it's so sad to hear your moms struggle. I wish I could do or say something to ease her and your burden. Please release your feelings here on board. We can at least share your stress and offer our support.

Fox

lizbthmagallon
Posts: 30
Joined: Aug 2012

We are always afraid of the word cancer. Hearing it means death in most cases. It is so hard to hear form doctors say that my mom has verylittle time and that she needs to get her things in order. I cant bring myself up to have "the talk" with my mother. We never really talked about life how am I suppost to talk about death? I know everything my mom has gone thru is very painful , and is also painful for me to see her in pain. I wish there was something that could be done, that I could do or say.

My family has never been close. I have a sister and a brother that dont care about my mom. I know she also hurts due to them not been around knowing that she is very ill. And my father, well, typical mexican dad. Having a conversation with him is hard. He tends to shut down and just say "God has the last word". Kisses and hugs were never part of our lives but now I kiss my mom and hug her every time I see her.

I have had my moments were Im just mad at everything and everyone. My mood changes all the time. I cant sleep right, eat right or really do anything right. I've been told to do my normal things , how can I? I do try to do things with my son. He is 8. He keeps asking if grandma is going to die. I tell him that doctors are doing everything to keep her healthy, but we need to pray for her so that God lets her live many more ears. He wants his grandma to take him and pick him up from school, like she used to.

So, I guess we are all sick. Cancer is a family affair. All plans are on hold for now, what matters is mom right now. She will start radiation on 1/2/13 -what a way to start the new year. She is getting 5 treatments to help her with back pain (she has a tumor on her spine bone). Then, on 1/15/12 she will start treatment,doctors said it was sort of chemotherapy IV infusion of Torisel once per week.

I just hope nothing else happends between now and then, Torisel might just be our last resort.

I would really appreciate if you could share some words or something about been caregivers.

 

lizbthmagallon
Posts: 30
Joined: Aug 2012

We are always afraid of the word cancer. Hearing it means death in most cases. It is so hard to hear form doctors say that my mom has verylittle time and that she needs to get her things in order. I cant bring myself up to have "the talk" with my mother. We never really talked about life how am I suppost to talk about death? I know everything my mom has gone thru is very painful , and is also painful for me to see her in pain. I wish there was something that could be done, that I could do or say.

My family has never been close. I have a sister and a brother that dont care about my mom. I know she also hurts due to them not been around knowing that she is very ill. And my father, well, typical mexican dad. Having a conversation with him is hard. He tends to shut down and just say "God has the last word". Kisses and hugs were never part of our lives but now I kiss my mom and hug her every time I see her.

I have had my moments were Im just mad at everything and everyone. My mood changes all the time. I cant sleep right, eat right or really do anything right. I've been told to do my normal things , how can I? I do try to do things with my son. He is 8. He keeps asking if grandma is going to die. I tell him that doctors are doing everything to keep her healthy, but we need to pray for her so that God lets her live many more ears. He wants his grandma to take him and pick him up from school, like she used to.

So, I guess we are all sick. Cancer is a family affair. All plans are on hold for now, what matters is mom right now. She will start radiation on 1/2/13 -what a way to start the new year. She is getting 5 treatments to help her with back pain (she has a tumor on her spine bone). Then, on 1/15/12 she will start treatment,doctors said it was sort of chemotherapy IV infusion of Torisel once per week.

I just hope nothing else happends between now and then, Torisel might just be our last resort.

I would really appreciate if you could share some words or something about been caregivers.

 

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

leaves us all at a loss for words, know that we're here to lean on as needed and you are in our thoughts and prayers.

Godspeed,

Gary

lizbthmagallon
Posts: 30
Joined: Aug 2012

Thank You garym. Been survivors or caregivers were all in it to fight and conquer.

rae_rae's picture
rae_rae
Posts: 266
Joined: Oct 2010

I am a cancer survivor but also a caregiver. I have been taking care of my mom for almost five years now. she does not have cancer (though she is a survivor as well) but suffers from LBD, a form of dementia. It is a neurodegenerative disease. She is basically wasting away (mind and body). She has been on morphine for pain for about two weeks now. She cries all the time. It is hard to make her comfortable. Sometimes all you can do is hold her hand, stroke her hair and talk softly.

Make sure you talk to the docs and find out if there is anything different you can do for the pain if it isn't being managed. Find out all options. Be her advocate. Also make sure to take a little time out of each day to refuel yourself. Sometimes I get so caught up in her pain that I spend my days sobbing. I have to take time away from thinking about it - even if it's running to the store or watching a movie with my son. I feel guilt when I am at work that i should be home with her, but I also know work is much needed distraction. I know because I have been on vacation for a week and it's been very hard being home every day. Kudos to my son who is here everyday.

If your mom qualifies for any kind of in home help please get it. It's ok if you can't talk to your mom about her prognosis. I believe often that people just need encouragement and love. Remind her to live each day as best as she can and and that she is living with cancer, not dying from it. With everything in my life, I always say "This too, shall pass."

God Bless,

Rae

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

Lizbth and Rae, my hat's off to both you ladies and all the others, like Ange, to name only one, who do such a great job of suffering but enduring and living life as well as you do in such painful circumstances.  As Rae says,  caregivers (all the more so when they're patients as well!) must look after themselves too, taking any break possible to stay fuelled up for the benefit of the whole family.

AL Flash
Posts: 2
Joined: Jan 2013

Have doctors look at better pain management plan. They can use a pain patch for a baseline and add pills or drops for a more finite management. I have but traveled down the path you are on and I can explain what helped us. Everything should be focused on achieving peace for her. Ask her what she might want you to do to help her achieve this. going for a drive, walking in a garden, listening to music, or maybe having someone visit, if none of that my husband got some relief with hot bath.  This is the time you need to encourage her to talk To you.

lizbthmagallon
Posts: 30
Joined: Aug 2012

She is still in pain and is just taking morphine for the pain. The Oncologist told us that if pain gets really bad, to just take her to the ER. we have not had to , thank God. She finally started treatment with TORISEL* last Tuesday 1/15/13. Hoping and praying that her tumors shrink and that her pain goes away!!!!

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 1876
Joined: Oct 2011

Liz, we are all praying with you for moms tumors to shrink and have her pain go away.

lizbthmagallon
Posts: 30
Joined: Aug 2012

Thank you foxhd.

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