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Life path change

VivianLee5689's picture
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2012

As everyone knows David's prognosis is not good and measured in months. I have talked with my work about extending my FMLA, but was unsuccessful. They want me to take a leave of absence and pay $1650 a month for Cobra. David and I have talked and we have decided that it is time for me to cut my ties with my school district. I will be submitting a request to be relieved of my contract on January 3, 2013. I will apply for social security for David and I am going to try to get unemployment, because one of the reasons you can quit a job in Kentucky and draw unemployment is caring for a seriously ill spouse. I think this qualifies. If I can just make enough to cover my Cobra then we should be ok. I am not saying it will be easy, but I am at peace with this decision. Since we decided a few days ago I have been so much more relaxed. That job was uber stressful and if I went back my mind would not be there. On top of that I did not want David to have to spend the rest of his life at a long term care facility. I want him home with a wife, dog and six cats who love him dearly. When this is over if I want to get another job as a school psychologist, I can just say I quit because of my terminally ill husband and not even have to drag the school district through the mud. They have been so mean to me for the past 13 years and I would have definitely quit before if I were not so fearful. So in a way they did me a favor by backing me into a corner. Please continue to pray for me and also pray that the school district will allow me out of my contract gracefully.

VivianLee5689's picture
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2012

Please if you go to the caringbridge page do not let on about David's prognosis or that I am quitting my job. We haven't made these announcements yet. We are going to try to let people have a good holiday before we break the news. I just needed to share with someone. I tell you guys everything.

NJShore's picture
Posts: 423
Joined: Nov 2012


I am happy to see you follow your heart, I wish you the best of outcomes, in all endeavors.

Merry Christmas!


Ingrid K's picture
Ingrid K
Posts: 813
Joined: Mar 2011

You made the right choice. The folks at your old job don't deserve you...it will be their loss. Now you can hopefully ease some of your stress and get some rest.

I see they fixed the double posting issue.

Tim6003's picture
Posts: 1506
Joined: Nov 2011

I will still be praying for the miracle in the midst of all the bad news ....How is David doing at home so far ? (I saw a pot and assumed you are home now) I know he was nervous abou it, but I bet you got that swept away quite fast knowing how your determination is to make him comfortable.



Ingrid K's picture
Ingrid K
Posts: 813
Joined: Mar 2011

You made the right choice. The folks at your old job don't deserve you...it will be their loss. Now you can hopefully ease some of your stress and get some rest.

blackswampboy's picture
Posts: 341
Joined: Jul 2012

sometimes the best we can do is to bust through the doors put in front of us. even if the doors aren't fully open. you're young enough, you can do it.

I'm 55, and starting on what I hope will eventually be a new career as a cancer registrar. to get into the program in Sept. 2013, I have to first take prereq math and science courses. even though I have a master's degree, I'm taking Intermediate Algebra course in January, and Chemistry in the summer. me and the 18-year-olds, lol. if things go well, I should get my certification just about the time I turn 58.

blessings to you both.

phrannie51's picture
Posts: 4449
Joined: Mar 2012

getting thru "old thinking"...ie: being fearful of losing a job where you aren't even treated nice...and emerging with a new thought process on how your life is going to be for now has to be not only a relief, but the growth you have gone thru so quickly must be so refreshing! That's quite a heafty Cobra payment....do they have gold for insurance in the Kentucky school districts? :) I truly believe when we get on a path that we know is right, and we know our motives are clean and truthful, that things work out fine....you're on one of those paths....it's going to be ok....maybe not without hurdles, but not insurmountable ones....taking care of David is the most important thing right now.

You can rest assured what is said here will stay here....


ToBeGolden's picture
Posts: 695
Joined: Aug 2010

I only wish I could help in some way. Yes, home is a better place than some institution. David will be better being surrounded by you and the pets and other familiar things. Rick.

Posts: 1914
Joined: May 2012

You each and every day continue to amaze me. We with this bugger called cancer can't express enough to our caregivers the amount of love and positives for each and everyone of you. You can't replace the time of wonderous moments you and David will share...I can promise you this. Sometimes I wonder how it would make us all love one another a bit more, and be willing to share our journey as you and David have with each of us. Bless you both Vivian ! Katie

Grandmax4's picture
Posts: 671
Joined: Dec 2011

on David and you..it's always a relief when we make a decision and know that it's the right one.

cureitall66's picture
Posts: 911
Joined: Aug 2012

Knowing you, you have everything well thought out. I think you know what decisions are best for you and David and clearly you have done that. I agree you are going through a tough time right now and don't need the added stress. You will find ways to make this all work...it's in you to problem solve.

You are always in our thoughts...




Mikemetz's picture
Posts: 394
Joined: Nov 2011

I am a strong believer in making decisons for myself before someone makes them for me, so I congratulate you on taking control of the time you have left with David.  It doesn't look like it will be easy to manage, but you are at peace with this, and that counts for a whole lot.




luv4lacrosse's picture
Posts: 1412
Joined: Jul 2010

Vivian, I think the move you are about to make is on point. I too am faced with a cancer that will eventually take me from my family earlier than planned. My Psychiatrist is right when he says "how do you want to live out the rest of your life"? Taking the big stressors out of your life is not only healthy for you, but David will see that with you being less stressed, he too will be less stressed, and for the patient, believe me that stress is one of the top 2 or 3 things that will assit cancer in beating us VS us beating cancer.

This will be an adjustment finacially, emotionally, and professionally as stepping away from a rewarding career is also very tough to accept.

I say all of this as all of my family is together, (both biys home from college) and I too am planning on "getting off the radar screen" and focusing on what really makes sense for my wellbeing as well as my family's well being.

You are truly an amazing induvidual, and David is a lucky man to have you stand by his side and walk through this journey.



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