CSN Login
Members Online: 17

Just feeling sad...

wawaju04976's picture
wawaju04976
Posts: 316
Joined: Dec 2012

Feeling a bit low today. I can't help but think about how in past years, I was out hustling and bustling for those last minute things for the kids. Amazing how life changes in the blink of an eye.
Judy

barbebarb's picture
barbebarb
Posts: 464
Joined: Oct 2011

Life changes but we are still here! Make the best of today :-)
I hope to be released from the hospital tomorrow and have been walking the floor and have no pain.
Still have big liver issue to resolve but that's how this nasty cancer performs.
Going to try and wrap presents when I do get home.
Do what you can!
Barb

wawaju04976's picture
wawaju04976
Posts: 316
Joined: Dec 2012

Thanks, Barb. I need to look at it in a different perspective!

Judy

Vickilg's picture
Vickilg
Posts: 281
Joined: Jan 2011

Hi Judy... Just so you know, you are not alone. I am making the most of the holiday but didn't do everything I normally do. Trying to focus on the fact that I'm here to celebrate another Christmas and trying not think about my CEA test and chemo on 12/26. Enjoy these moments. Make memories!

JayhawkDan's picture
JayhawkDan
Posts: 206
Joined: Apr 2012

This is my first Christmas since dx, and trying not to dwell on the "do I have many -- or any -- more of these." It's hard not to because that's the reality. I try and gain strength from all the "longtermers" on here. But I do tear up easily...

Hugs,
Dan

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3519
Joined: Apr 2010

I was not supposed to see Christmas 2010, this is my THIRD Christmas since dx. Keep looking forward to them, and enjoy them!!!
Winter Marie

wawaju04976's picture
wawaju04976
Posts: 316
Joined: Dec 2012

I'm so happy you're seeing more of them!!! Thank you for the uplift.

Judy

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2452
Joined: Jun 2006

it is hard Judy....the holidays seems to exaggerate our differentness....so to speak.....why can't we be like we used to be? who asked for this pile of shi-? not one of us...

old timer here......given 6 months.....and I have stolen 4 years.....7 since diagnosis. i remember the first year thinking.....just let me get to Christmas.....just let me see another Christmas....

perfectly understandable you should get the blues......

all the very best......

mags

sharpy102's picture
sharpy102
Posts: 347
Joined: Apr 2009

Well, as my subject says, I'm not sad, but I am upset. Upset because I hate Christmas! I hate it, hate it, hate it! Why do I still hope that one day the door will open and my Mom will walk in and we'll continue from where she left? Why she is not here? Why? I only have this one single question that I never ever seem to get the answer for....simply just why? Why this happened....why her...why at that time....why, why and why???? When is she going to come back?! I understand that she needs to rest a little to get through all the pain and sufferings that she had, but come on! It's been three years now....she really needs to come back now....or maybe I'm being very impatient? Okay, okay, I'll wait.....I just miss her so much sometimes......

Antpopoola
Posts: 10
Joined: Jun 2012

Losing someone you love can be one of the most devasting thing we will ever experience.  Being upset is quite appropriate.  We all asked the question WHY!  We get many answers from well meaning people, but still not to our satisfaction.  The pain still remains.  I would like to have the opportunity to answer your question WHY?  Feel free to email me at Antpopoola@gmail.com.  You are in my prayers that you may be granted comfort.

janderson1964's picture
janderson1964
Posts: 1891
Joined: Oct 2011

You need to stop asking why and move on with your life. I watched my first wife drink herself to death 13 years ago. I lost my mother 2 weeks after i was diagnosed with cancer. In my opinion is they both suffered and were relieved from thier suffering. Life is too short to waste on asking "why". We will never get those answers in our lifetime on earth so why waste your time and energy when life can be so short. I could waste my time asking why i. Have had to battle cancer 3 times but i could also ask why i am still here.

jen2012
Posts: 1287
Joined: Aug 2012

Sorry sharpy. I imagine this is a difficult time of year for you. No one should have to grow up without their mom. I'm sure your mom would want the best for you and would want you to enjoy life. Remember she is always with you.

wawaju04976's picture
wawaju04976
Posts: 316
Joined: Dec 2012

Thank you so much...

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4344
Joined: Jun 2009

"Highly Unlikely" was the prognosis THEN...

Tomorrow marks the five year mark past that consultation:)

It's "highly unlikely" that I'm going anywhere but forward:)

Smile

 

wawaju04976's picture
wawaju04976
Posts: 316
Joined: Dec 2012

Thank you!!!

wawaju04976's picture
wawaju04976
Posts: 316
Joined: Dec 2012

I, too, tear up easily these days...

wawaju04976's picture
wawaju04976
Posts: 316
Joined: Dec 2012

Thank you!

jen2012
Posts: 1287
Joined: Aug 2012

Same here...having a hard time getting on the spirit when we've had so much bad news since August. I just told my husband we should have a good riddance 2012 party next weekend. Hoping 2013 is a better year for us all. Hang in there and try to enjoy Christmas!

Chelsea71
Posts: 1170
Joined: Sep 2012

Feeling sad too. Don't know why. Should be grateful. Last year at this time I hated 2011. Terrible year. Very hopeful about 2012 and the HIPEC surgery. That turned out to be a disappointment. I know our situation could be much worse. Right now I feel scared about what 2013 may hold in store for us. Should feel more positive. Just have no idea what to expect from 2013. Can't get over how quickly the time goes by. I've never been good at just enjoying the moment. Steve is having a great time. Enjoying our nieces and spending time with family. For that, I am very very grateful.

Chelsea

Antpopoola
Posts: 10
Joined: Jun 2012

I know it's a scarry thing to be diagnosed with cancer.  But please try and focus on the blessings we have today.  We are alive and that gives us hope.  And we have families and friends that care.  None of us by worrying can change the future.  We must pray each day to be positive and enjoy the moment.  Hope your day gets better!  Lots of love to you.

 

sharpy102's picture
sharpy102
Posts: 347
Joined: Apr 2009

Thank you all for your kind words....and you guys are right...and my brain knows that too. I know this was the best for her, but my heart wishes she was still around. It just feels so unfair...some people lose their parents when they are in their late 30s, ,or even more, in their 40s. When it is Christmas it makes me so sad. I have not had Crhistmas since she left. No more family dinners together, no more trips with my parents here and there, no more playings with my brother. It just annoys me and makes me so sad realizing that I will never have these ever again. I want to play with my brother, I want share the chocolate we get, I want to run up to Mom and tell her about school, I want her to cook a yummy dinner where we sit down at the kitchen table, Dad is at the end of the table like as he used to joke "because he is the master of the house" then my brother, Mom and I. And we would be eating, chit-chatting while the house is nice and warm. Have that Christmas tree in our living room as it used to, being all excited who is getting what. Parents telling us where we might go over the winter holidlay, or at summer. And yes, you guys are right, I should just move on with my life. But it is so hard to move on when I see the other kids running to their parents after school to be picked up, coming back to school in January seeing the others showing what they've got for Christmas, or telling where they went over the holidays....I'm sorry for my earlier whining I will not do that....and I'll try to move on with my life.

Take care everybody and Happy Holidays!

Jaylo969
Posts: 826
Joined: Jan 2010

I don't want to hijack Judy's thread but I want to tell you dear Sophie that if I were a teenager like you, I truthfully think I would feel very much like you feel. I cannot even imagine being so young and losing a Mother. Heck, my Mom passed 2 years ago and I was 57 and it threw me for a loop.I too knew that I had to "move on" but it has taken awhile for me, and as I have "moved on" I have brought my Mother's spirit with me. You were NOT whining. This is a support group and you needed our support and we thank you for supporting us too. Hugs to you Sophie and PM if you would like.

-Pat

Kathleen808's picture
Kathleen808
Posts: 2322
Joined: Jan 2009

Sharpy, my dear,

You have been through more than many of us twice, even three times your age.  In time, my dear, in time.  Never feel like you need to be at a particular place in the grieving process.  You were so young when you lost your mom.  My prayers are with you dear.  I hope and pray for a specail someone or family to come into your life.  Not, to replace your family but to walk by your side.

 

With love and aloha,

Kathleen

Kathleen808's picture
Kathleen808
Posts: 2322
Joined: Jan 2009

Judy,

The hodlidays can be so hard for us.  This is Dick's 4th Christmas since diagnosis and in some ways it is easier than the first one.  We are trying to stay grateful and putting one foot in front of the other.

Tlhinking of you.

 

Aloha,

Kathleen

janie1
Posts: 753
Joined: Apr 2011

Remember, you are never alone.  Life is different, that is for sure.  I am grateful that I see things differently....thanks to cancer.  What I love, I love even more.  What i see, is so much more vivid, and the list goes on and on.  Don't care much for all the superficial stuff.  

Hope you have good, positive people around you.  Negative ones??   Well, you can avoid those.  Do what you need to do to boost YOU!  You more than deserve it. 

Here's to a better NEW YEAR!

 

Eltina21's picture
Eltina21
Posts: 174
Joined: May 2010

Hi,

   I just wantd you to know that we all feel a bit sad at times.  Just know that you are not alone.  Just take one day at a time and live each day to the fulliest.  This year I will turn 60.  I am truly looking forward to new adventures. I am thankful for great family and friends.  My closest friends were my roommates in college.  We called ourselves the Fantastic 4, when we met iun 1971.  Now we are the Golden girls.  One of us has had bilateral knee replacment, I had cancer, the other has diabetes.  I told them if they put all of our body parts together, we would be something else. However we travel, party, talk about our grandchildren and still work 40 hours each week.  Most of all we laugh.  I pray that you laugh as well . Have a wonderful day.

  Peace and Blessings,

     Karen

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2015 © Cancer Survivors Network