Dec 22, 2012 - 5:53 pm
Received results in mail yesterday. Rose again from 31 to 40. Onc says we will do the January test and a petscan to see what is going on. I wish I would've thought to wait until after Christmas to open the letter. Last month I got the bad news the day after Thanksgiving. I must admit it is harder to keep upbeat. I am tired of thinking about this all the time.
I have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at my house and I am kind of out of the mood for all the planning and cooking. I love to stay home but feel overwhelmed by the preparations. I don't want to be mopey and bring the party down.
I know I will pull it together because I have to keep reminding myself that this is still golden time for me. I feel great. I don't want to waste any of this precious time because at some point I know I will look back and wonder what my problem was. I still have options before I get to the chemo phase. It just all seems hopeless and pointless at times.
I feel better just venting to you. I decided I wasn't going to tell others about my results anymore unless they ask. My cousin called this morning and she knew something was wrong the minute she heard my voice. We are very close.
Thank you ladies and I always feel I have to apologize for moaning and groaning when many of you are in a much more difficult part of the journey. As always I wish you all the best and think of you all the time.