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Wish people would stop asking 'How do you feel?' or 'How ARE you?'

PatchAdams
Posts: 272
Joined: Nov 2011

So yesterday I'm running up two flights of stairs to get to a class on time (I'm 62 in 12 days) and had 2 people stop me and ask those questions. I know they mean well, but I'd really like to just be 'normal' again and not always be 'the person who had cancer twice'. The sympathy in their tone really dampens my spirit.

The other people my age caught me as they came off the elevator..... Dang, I'm not asking them about their blood sugar levels or high blood pressure unless they share a problem.

YoVita's picture
YoVita
Posts: 541
Joined: Mar 2010

but keep telling yourself they mean well - which I'm sure they do.

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 4207
Joined: Feb 2009

Sometimes I'm feeling just the opposite. When you look good people sometimes quit asking especially the family not really realizing that you just don't feel good some days or your having or had a bad bathroom day. I'm all for being normal, but guess I'm just not feeling the same as before diagnosis. I'm sure they are just asking out of concern and think about how many times you have asked a person How are you? Guess you just have to say "great" and keep up the stairs :)

Kim

steveandnat's picture
steveandnat
Posts: 887
Joined: Sep 2011

If I'm in a hurry or not wanting to get into a discussion I'll give them the good ole thumbs up and keep moving. I know it is rude but there are times where it comes in handy. Jeff

Coppercent
Posts: 142
Joined: Jan 2012

I used to have people ask me the same questions. I always answered just great then would ask the same question back to them. They got the point quickly that it was an unnecessary question. Though sometimes I did get a good laugh later about all of the little aches and pains people have that they love to share. People really do have the best intention when asking. But like I explain to close friends. I don't think about can we every day so why do I want people reminding me about it when it is not on my mind.

Maxiecat's picture
Maxiecat
Posts: 524
Joined: Jul 2012

I feel the same way sometimes...I went to my needlework group meeting for the first time in about a month...I was asked about 20 times last night how I was doing. In hindsight it feels really good to have so many people thinking about me and praying for me. My mom calls me at least 3 times a week...asking me how I am feeling... Sometimes I just don't feel like talking abou this cancer... So I just say I am feeling normal today and move on.

Alex

HollyID's picture
HollyID
Posts: 940
Joined: Dec 2009

When I was diagnosed 3 years ago, people would actually pout, give me hugs (which really was a personal zone issue for me) and ask me how I was feeling all the time. I know they meant well; they're just those kinds of people. One morning, my husband was picking me up from work and I got into the car and just vented. I was so tired of the sad, pouty faces, the unsolicited hugs, the feeling sorry for me. I was ready to quit my job! It made me feel so irritated and frustrated.

I wanted normalcy.

Helen321's picture
Helen321
Posts: 727
Joined: May 2012

I'm fine but you, you don't look so good. Have you been getting enough sleep? I'm going to try that one, I'll let you know how it goes.

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 2764
Joined: May 2009

Don't let it get you down. My boss asks me that all the time. I'm doing good is what I say. They say great and we move on.

PatchAdams
Posts: 272
Joined: Nov 2011

Some of those 'replies' are a hoot! Yeah, I know they mean well and I am thankful that I have so many who love me and honestly do care, but I just want to be ME again, not 'cancer person'. At one function, I was serving meals, setting up chairs, etc. and saw a woman lean over to her friend and nod at me then proceed to tell her something. I made a point to go over and introduce myself to the 2nd lady and say 'I don't think we've met'. Big smile, 'Can I get you something?' 'Great to meet you.' ....... I know the first woman was telling her about my cancer. Of course, she probably was saying 'You'd never know she had been sick.... '

So, I've notified all my friends and relatives that my PET scan this month was good news and am going to just put on a huge smile and wish everyone a Merry Christmas. If 'how are you' comes up, I'm going to say 'GREAT! How're you?' and let it go.

mskautz
Posts: 30
Joined: May 2012

I know, when someone says Are you Ok? it makes me feel like I look sick and scares me. I feel more normal when people don't call to see how i'm doing or asking how am I.  I try to hide everything so I don't give people reason to worry. I'm weird.

pete43lost_at_sea's picture
pete43lost_at_sea
Posts: 3915
Joined: Nov 2010

 

i am alive.  is my immediate answer with a smile.

its a good question how do we feel.

the true answer to how we feel, very important.

the act of answering forces me into the present, not the past nor the future.

 

now is where i want to exist.

hugs,

pete

PatchAdams
Posts: 272
Joined: Nov 2011

I felt wonderful when I had a liver met.  People will say 'Well, how do you feel? Then you know you don't have cancer again ... '  WRONG!

I'm saying 'GREAT', which is true and then asking 'How are you? How was your Christmas?' type answers.  I sent everyone a note after I got my good test results a few days ago so they'd all know prior to me showing up at any parties.  I didn't want to spend four hours telling them one by one that I got good news. I wanted to NOT be 'cancer person'.  

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