Dec 16, 2012 - 11:29 am
Being fairly new to this club, I am finding a part of myself re-awakening with all of my new emotions and experiences. I feel the need to put some things into words. I was originally a journalism major but never finished, instead falling into the world of mechanics and parts, ended up being a dealership parts department/bodyshop parts manager, and I love it. The words below are just some free thinking results I had while sitting here at the PC reading and learning about this new life I am evolving into.
As I sit here, reading, messaging on a new to me, cancer survivor's forum, and absorbing infomation through a host of internet sites, I find myself realizing that while I have had the best possible diagnosis I could have, at this point, I AM a cancer patient, and the fight is never going to be over. It's a strange new club I have joined, one I really don't want to be in and had no aspirations of joining. I will probably never be able to NOT think about cancer at some point of every single day. I think about my next checkup in 6 months, almost on my birthday, and I try not to think too much about the "if's" and "maybe's".
I am a changed person, my life is changed, and the lives of my family and personal friends are also changing. In some ways it is bringing us all closer, in other ways it is drawing a line in the sand about certain aspects of my life. There are some things I will never allow in my life again, some negative people and things I am done with, I don't need those negative aspects and I won't waste my time on them any longer. I have a much more important task at hand, that is, surviving, living, for my children, for my wife, for my family and friends, and for MYSELF.
I want to be old, watching my adult children navigate this crazy life while I drink a beer on the patio, I want to sit around a table with all of my old friends, playing domino's and talking s**t. I am going to get busy living, get busy surviving. It's what old motocrosser's do. That sport gave me identity, it gave me toughness, it gave me survival skills. And then the sport of running, after that, added to all of those skills. I am prepared, I am ready, and I fight to the end of it all. Get ready world, I am in the biggest marathon ever.