Dec 12, 2012 - 5:27 pm
Dad continues to be the gift that keeps on givin’ – the whole year ‘round…
Last night at dad’s house, as I was living yet another day of his life, I decided to stop by the cemetery, just to say, “Thanks” for everything.
Even with an estate sale, an estate liquidator and a salvage guy, I still can’t get everything out of that dam house! After six-months of hauling and stacking and driving stuff everywhere…the song remains the same.
Or as the Eagle sang in Hotel California…”I stab it with my steely knives – but I just can’t kill the beast.”
So, I’m just way over the fed up part of all of this…no matter how hard I work, no matter how hard I try, no matter how much money I throw at the problem…I can’t get it to ground zero.
I figured I’d make a rare appearance to the bone yard just to tell him all about it….
But, when I got there, nobody was there…
I couldn’t find the grave….couldn’t find the marker…I walked up and down and all around…there was just no memory that he was ever there…sort of creepy really…especially since I knew that I was probably walking over him trying to find where he was buried.
Darkness came and went and so I abandoned the search and went on to fight more fires that needed to be put out…
This morning, I called the funeral guy…he put me in touch with the cemetery person. She was sort of cold sounding when I talked to her…and The Lion is so raw right now, I’d eat a plate of $hit and ask for seconds…I was in no mood to play.
So, I gave back to her what she gave to me.
I asked why I couldn’t even have “Two Sticks Tied Together” to mark the spot….the grave that my dad had paid for…and the 17K they clipped me for, which was the basic funeral.
They had placed a temporary marker (nobody told me anything, what’s new there) but it was only good for 30-days…my first thought was that Adopted Daughter had come out and taken the stone as a “souvenir.”
After 30-days, they remove the marker…and with that, that person disappears without a trace.
This doesn’t seem right to me.
The ol’ gal, sensing I was miffed, offered to send me a brochure outlining all of the prices…I said let’s cut to the chase…”what’s the least expensive option available?”
Pretty close to 2k….for the basic:(
Even though I’m pretty pi$$ed off right now, there is still that part of me that I hate…that part of me that continues to want to do the right thing…even when it’s the wrong thing for me.
These folks are proprietary, so I can’t bring in an outside vendor….it’s them/all them…why dad never thought to take care of this dates back to his senility on how he handled everything…”I just want to make it easy on everybody he said.”
I thought you said, “I’d have to work for it.”
The funeral broke me open and emptied his IRA…thereby creating a tax problem for me that will now require a CPA to figure it all out. The lawyers have bled me dry taking care of POAs….initiating injunctions against Adopted Daughter…and the process of probating an estate…and of course, we’re not done yet.
I don’t need a prostrate exam…because everyone has been shoving it up my backside all year long…I’m just great for the economy…everybody is getting rich but us…I’ve greased every palm North, South, East and West of the Mississippi…
It’s sad that is all that I am…just the mop up boy…somebody to use to get what they want…and then throw me to the street curb, like a bag of trash.
We’ve been systematically eliminating him, so that there is no record that he even existed…a pain this deep, must be buried deep.
And still, I got that funny pang…that twitch in my conscience, that he was physically erased from existence in an unmarked grave that cost over $20K all included..
And not even a cheap metal marker to show you were born and died.
I continue to be disillusioned by all of this…
I don’t know what I will do…perhaps, Time will provide me the answer…I’m so raw right now, it’s hard to think straight…
It’s just left me with a weird feeling after hanging up with that lady…I’m trying to move on, but can’t get out of this quicksand.
We went to unhook the dryer to give it to the salvage guy…turned the gas valve off, but gas was spewing everywhere…called the gas company to shut of at the street for this Friday…but they reported it as an Emergency…and cut the gas off.
On the coldest night of the year…temps reached 21 degrees…I drove back over and opened up with the water spouts to keep water flowing through the pipes…and hoped for the best.
The next morning, I came back in and noticed that the floor has started to buckle and raise up…when they yanked the washer, the water in the lines must have gotten under the floor…combined with the record low temps of the year….
And whammo…the perfect storm….just my luck, of course…
So, now I gotta’ pay to have the gas valve or whatever repaired…and now will have to replace part or all of the floor affected.
I went out to the garage to see if there was any flooring left…sure enough, the salvage guy had it setup in his pile to take….so I promptly removed that and set it back inside the house…I need it now for the repairs.
I’ll have to call someone…
Mo money:)….that I (ain’t) got of course….I’ll have to charge it off to the house and try and get it later.
HO HO HO!
It’s no wonder that Santa Craig didn’t back the sleigh out of the driveway this year.
I’m tired of everything….tired of all the responsibility…tired of working for nothing…while that dam ex sits on her fat ass down there waiting to get the same ½ that I do.
Maybe, no marker is good after all….I’ve been wanting to erase him from existence…people will never be able to find him at the cemetery now, me included…and I’m erasing him from everything there ever was…piece by piece.
I’ve thrown out letters he wrote to me (long story) and family photos with me in them etc. etc….I don’t even want to exist…not in that past world anyway…I want no memories of that former life.
Still, it’s chilling that there is no marker there for all the money that was spent – there’s a huge conflict there on how I should feel, versus the feelings that are tugging on me right now…and I so wish I could make you really understand what I’m feeling…
As Don Corleone said in the Godfather, “What have I ever done to be treated with so much disrespect?”
People have just been taking advantage of me all down the line – all year long…
It's like this great big ugly Food Chain...
I’ve struck back and will continue to swing…I’ve settled some old scores and settling a couple more before its all said and done.
After all, The Lion Roars…
Marie, do you still love kitties? At least, Big Cats like The Lion?
This is just not the way it is supposed to be…Norman Rockwell lied to me with his whimsical paintings of what family life should be.
Good thing I can’t draw…but I can write.
Just for my fun time...I chased last night for an alarm battery to stop that blasted chirping sound...and went out at lunch and found one of my tires flat today...
Let me know when I'm having fun...
KathiM quipped the other day, "Yes, Virginia...there IS life after cancer..."
The problem is...it may not be the one that you necessarily deserve - or want - or get...
No argument from me with that one...