Dec 02, 2012 - 12:34 am
I've shared mostly my bad days with you so I thought I should at least update you on my situation. As some of you might remember I am a member of the TNBC club and I was diagnosed in July with mets to my bones, my right lung, and my chest wall. I began chemo again and the side effects were too much for me so my doctor lowered my dosage and it became more manageable. The side effects are still manageable but it is getting more difficult to start all over with them every three weeks. Sorry if I sound like a big baby. I had another infusion on Thursday and I asked the nurse practioner (the doctor is too busy to see me these days) how much longer this will go on. She said "until I can no longer tolerate it or there is progression of disease". That was not what I wanted to hear because I don't know how much longer I want to go on like this. I do feel fortunate that my PET scan in October showed much improvement but I'm not looking forward to a new year with new scans and paying for them because my insurance deductible will be resetting. I made the mistake of telling my husband that this might be my last Christmas. I later apologized to him and he asked me not to say stuff like that anymore because it upsets him too much so now I don't have anyone but you all to talk to. I feel so alone because I don't want to upset my family and I actually feel more sorry for them than I do for myself because they will still be here having to deal with everyday life. I also don't want to assume that something tragic can't happen to take them away from me before my time is over. Oh my gosh, I sound so crazy don't I??? Okay, I admit I am still refusing to take anti-depressants but maybe I will rethink that even though I don't see how that could change the way I feel. However, on a good note.........I complained to the NP that I didn't have the energy to get from one end of WalMart to the other so she ordered a B-12 shot for me and today I was able to walk an entire First Monday trade days flee market and walk from one end of WalMart to the other. That's the most exercise I've had in months so why can't I get to sleep tonight??? Go figure! If I wasn't afraid of waking my husband, I would probably drag out the Christmas tree and start decorating it. Maybe that B-12 shot wasn't such a good idea? Oh well, I want to thank you all for taking time to read about me and my problems when you all have your own problems to deal with. I love you all and wish you the best and I wish Santa could bring us all a Cure for Cancer!!!