Nov 28, 2012 - 4:29 pm
Husband was diagnosed with stage1 testicular cancer in June of this year. Surgery to remove the tumor was scheduled quick and afterwards he was required to go through 9 weeks of intense chemotherapy. I lost an Aunt close to me to pancreatic cancer this February, after she had survived breast cancer few years earlier, so of course when we received his news of the tumor, we both took it very hard. We are both 32, married 5 years but have been together for 13 years and have no children. It was something we wanted soon but of course now we haven't really discussed it. He is the love of my life and seeing him go through this pain made me more attached to him than ever before. In October we finally received the news from the doctor that he is cancer free. Although he is still on blood thinners for a blood clot caused by the catheter that was in his arm, he has no other medical problems to worry about now. I was his support through all this, along with his parents. I went to ALL doctor appointments. He needed me through this because he told me. We never tried talking to a therapist but I know a therapist would come see him sometimes at the cancer center. Recently after all this I think because he is accepting the fact that he is now a cancer survivor he feels like letting free and living life. Kind of like a fresh start. I understand it completely but the only problem is that he doesn't include me. He wants to leave and do things with friends and not include me. The more I ask I feel like I frustrate him. I've never been a wife to stop him from doing or trying anything but now clearly he doesn't want to ask me or include me. On our last discussion he has told me he is thinking of separating. The idea of divorce is crushing me. I feel like I could've lost him in a situation that was out of our control and now I feel like I'm going to lose him because that's what he wants. I don't think he even understands what he is feeling, because in one month he can't just forget about us and our years. I'm lost and dying inside every day. Cancer killed more than just some dreams we had because now it seems like it's killing our future.