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no one really gets it

deedee23
Posts: 2
Joined: Nov 2012

its been almost three months since i lost my mom to ovarian cancer which was the cancer that spread to the whole of her body til finally it took her away from me. i feel like am ready to die coz along with her death she took my will to live. i find that life has no point as we are all going to die. to see your loved one slowly loose herself. to see them have too much pain that they cant hide it anymore and til the one day be called over the phone and be told all those surguries and chemotherapy and pain was all for nothing coz you still loose them, i am grateful for the little strength they gave her do not misquote me. i never thot i would be this emotional to find myself randomly breaking into tears on the streeet or ont he bus. i miss her. only comfort i get is that she is no longer in pain........no one gets it coz they tell you these words that they think are comforting and they do nthn for me
"it was Gods plan"- WELL HE SHOULD HAVE NEVER TAKEN HIM AWAY FROM ME
"be strong"- FOR WHOM?
"be strong for your family"-"WHY CANT THEY BE STRONG FOR ME?
"shes in a better place"-THE BEST WAS FOR HER TO BE HERE BEING MY MOTHER
" do what mum would have wanted for you"- I NEVER GOT TO KNOW COZ SHE WAS SICKLY

i guess am still in the angry part of the stages of grieving. id ont think i will ever get out of it. can a car just run me over already!!!all i do these days is live bt without the will

cindysuetoyou's picture
cindysuetoyou
Posts: 508
Joined: Dec 2009

Dear deedee,

I don't have any great words to help you...I wish I did. I know a little about how you feel. My 29 year old son was diagnosed at 25 with brain cancer and was told he had 3-5 years left to live. He died a little over 6 weeks ago...on October 15th.

Like you, I am tortured by the memory of what he endured...two brain surgeries, non-stop chemo, radiation, terrible infections and side effects, so much pain and suffering, losing his mental capability.....and after all that, and after fighting so hard--he died. My heart is so broken and my spirit is so crushed. I cry all the time. Some days I say to myself (like a crazy woman) "left foot, right foot," and that's how I get through my days. One step at a time. It's awful.

Even though I HATE what happened with David, I love God and I trust Him and I do believe that David is in a better place and he's no longer suffering and in pain, and that I will be with him again one day. That helps me. But I am struggling with being right here, right now, and not having David here too. I miss him so much that I can barely stand it.

I don't believe for a moment that it was God's plan to take your mom away from you, and to take David from me. I wish people wouldn't say things like that. It sure doesn't make me feel better. And I'd never love and serve a god who would do that. I believe that we live in a broken, damaged world, and that bad things happen to good people.

I hope that someone on this site will have some better words that will bring you a measure of comfort. But please know that my heart breaks for you and for your loss. Your mom was blessed to have a daughter that cared for her and who loves her like you do. Speaking as a mom, nothing brings me more comfort and joy than the love of my daughters and my sons.

Blessings and peace to you,
Cindy in Salem,

here4lfe
Posts: 294
Joined: Jan 2010

In your way. Be angry at God (He can take it), the world (which keeps turning), and everything else (which is pre-occupied with it's own issues). Your mom is gone and it is you who has to deal with it. There is no right way to grieve, because if there were it would not be grieving but checking off boxes on a list. This is the deepest pain and it hurts. Breathe, put one foot in front of the other and keep breathing.
I lost my wife to cancer which means my children have lost their mother, and I can feel the pain they are experiencing. There is nothing like a mother.
My condolences.

Tubbs
Posts: 51
Joined: Jul 2009

My wife passed five weeks ago. I have been trying to stay busy. I drove to Las Vegas this weekend to meet with friends. I mostly had fun and it kept my loneliness at bay. On the drive home today I stopped for a coffee, got back in the car and just sat there, thinking that my wife wouldn't be there to greet me when I returned home. I hit the stearing wheel, cried, and yelled at God, telling him I was sick of this crap. Then, I started the car and drove home.

What I am telling you is that I offer no solutions, but I understand everything you've written. Every moment of every day is a challenge. My wife would be disappointed in me if I folded.

Noellesmom
Posts: 1300
Joined: Aug 2010

it was God's plan - no, it was not. It was a human body that had enough.

be strong - only for yourself

be strong for your family - you can be strong together because as weak as you may feel, there is someone weaker

she's in a better place - she is still your mother. As a mother, I want you to know that we never let go of you because we can't, living or dead.

do what mum would have wanted for you - Your mother wanted you to take care of yourself. All mothers do.

Be angry.

Be angry at God - He's pretty big and I'm fairly certain He can handle your anger.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Cancer just sucks.

You will walk each day for awhile not sure what direction to take, what to do, or why you should do anything other than your innate desire to survive.

One day, you will wake up and realize you have survived the worst - the loss of your mom - and you will find a new purpose and go forward.

Let us know how you are doing, deedee.

apajak6's picture
apajak6
Posts: 4
Joined: Feb 2013

It's like you took the words out of my mouth. I have a very needy family and they keep looking to me for support when I don't want to give it. I feel like why am I still here but she is not? I also lost my mother just this past month. I hope now that time has passed you have motivated yourself to be a strong individual for her. We are blessed to have mothers worth missing. 

Natalie19
Posts: 9
Joined: Jun 2013

My mother passed away age 39 on the 13th of feb 2013 at 10.48am 

she was diagnosed with cervical cancer only a year early .. It was the hardest year of my life but nothing was harder than now after she passed just over 3months ago . 

 

I am 19 years old I have a brother who just turned 16 on the 3rd of may and my dads not in the picture my parents divorced 9 years awas Memories of my dad are not fond he was cruel to my mother she had a hard life growing up married at 16 had me at 21 . My mother raised my brother and I on her own it was a hard she was my best friend my only friend and I miss her So much I wake up every morning wishing it was a dream I miss her smile her touch her voice she was taken away from me too soon I'm soon to graduate Uni and she won't be there I can't comprehend her death I was a ghost at her funeral Im confused and I miss her so much I'm angry very angry I don't no why I'm angry at god I'm angry at life and everyone around me . I question why and I beg for her back there is not a day that goes by that I don't cry for her nobody understands and that annoys me I left my boyfriend because he dosnt get it I don't no what's wrong with me I feel his comfort isn't enough he tried but I push him away and I'm angry he dosnt try hard enough it's like nobody understands my mothers not with me anymore

 
All I hear is time heads all wounds in time everything will be alright what people don't understand is that time is the only thing I don't have with my mum anymore and I hate the word time , time with my mum has been taken away from me and I hate life I hate everything for it I just want to hold her hand. 
 
I break down everytime I think about her being diagnosed I hate remembering what cancer did to her and the way she changed and  she deteriorated I hate how cancer got her so sick ! And how she was in so much pain ! 
 
The hardest thing I remember was her last few weeks she stopped talking and responding to us .. Her eyes rolled semi back with yellow pupils her breathing got heavy and slow and she just laid there looking at the ceiling from being 39 year old energetic healthy friend to me doing everything together I'm angry I took her for granted I'm angry at myself I'm angry at cancer I'm angry at myself for being a spoilt teenage growing up and not appreciating my mother as much as I should've I am angry at myself for not doing of saying the things I should've . The hardest was knowing she could hear us but not being able to respond you could see it in her face how frustrated she was that she couldn't respond to us before she couldn't move she used to throw her hands up and sigh because she couldn't talk anymore than eventually she just stopped moving and was only breathing it was hard watching the nurses move her around for her comfort with tears steaming down her face because she was in so much pain I am so angry and can't stop crying I don't no why this is happening to me and I hate how nobody understands me I love her I miss her and I wish she never got cancer why did she have to get cancer she never deserved it ! 
 
 
I often wonder where she is I question everything I want to no she's ok and she's happy and cancer free 
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