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no one really gets it
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Nov 27, 2012 - 8:57 am
its been almost three months since i lost my mom to ovarian cancer which was the cancer that spread to the whole of her body til finally it took her away from me. i feel like am ready to die coz along with her death she took my will to live. i find that life has no point as we are all going to die. to see your loved one slowly loose herself. to see them have too much pain that they cant hide it anymore and til the one day be called over the phone and be told all those surguries and chemotherapy and pain was all for nothing coz you still loose them, i am grateful for the little strength they gave her do not misquote me. i never thot i would be this emotional to find myself randomly breaking into tears on the streeet or ont he bus. i miss her. only comfort i get is that she is no longer in pain........no one gets it coz they tell you these words that they think are comforting and they do nthn for me i guess am still in the angry part of the stages of grieving. id ont think i will ever get out of it. can a car just run me over already!!!all i do these days is live bt without the will |
Joined: Dec 2009
Dear deedee,
I don't have any great words to help you...I wish I did. I know a little about how you feel. My 29 year old son was diagnosed at 25 with brain cancer and was told he had 3-5 years left to live. He died a little over 6 weeks ago...on October 15th.
Like you, I am tortured by the memory of what he endured...two brain surgeries, non-stop chemo, radiation, terrible infections and side effects, so much pain and suffering, losing his mental capability.....and after all that, and after fighting so hard--he died. My heart is so broken and my spirit is so crushed. I cry all the time. Some days I say to myself (like a crazy woman) "left foot, right foot," and that's how I get through my days. One step at a time. It's awful.
Even though I HATE what happened with David, I love God and I trust Him and I do believe that David is in a better place and he's no longer suffering and in pain, and that I will be with him again one day. That helps me. But I am struggling with being right here, right now, and not having David here too. I miss him so much that I can barely stand it.
I don't believe for a moment that it was God's plan to take your mom away from you, and to take David from me. I wish people wouldn't say things like that. It sure doesn't make me feel better. And I'd never love and serve a god who would do that. I believe that we live in a broken, damaged world, and that bad things happen to good people.
I hope that someone on this site will have some better words that will bring you a measure of comfort. But please know that my heart breaks for you and for your loss. Your mom was blessed to have a daughter that cared for her and who loves her like you do. Speaking as a mom, nothing brings me more comfort and joy than the love of my daughters and my sons.
Blessings and peace to you,
Cindy in Salem,
Joined: Jan 2010
In your way. Be angry at God (He can take it), the world (which keeps turning), and everything else (which is pre-occupied with it's own issues). Your mom is gone and it is you who has to deal with it. There is no right way to grieve, because if there were it would not be grieving but checking off boxes on a list. This is the deepest pain and it hurts. Breathe, put one foot in front of the other and keep breathing.
I lost my wife to cancer which means my children have lost their mother, and I can feel the pain they are experiencing. There is nothing like a mother.
My condolences.
Joined: Jul 2009
My wife passed five weeks ago. I have been trying to stay busy. I drove to Las Vegas this weekend to meet with friends. I mostly had fun and it kept my loneliness at bay. On the drive home today I stopped for a coffee, got back in the car and just sat there, thinking that my wife wouldn't be there to greet me when I returned home. I hit the stearing wheel, cried, and yelled at God, telling him I was sick of this crap. Then, I started the car and drove home.
What I am telling you is that I offer no solutions, but I understand everything you've written. Every moment of every day is a challenge. My wife would be disappointed in me if I folded.