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How to say goodbye to your doctor...

KareGiver
Posts: 290
Joined: Apr 2011

Hi all,

Briefly, to catch up, my husband is being for treated for lung mets from his tonsil cancer - incurable. Been going to the same oncologist since initial diagnosis February 2011. Since day one, we have not been crazy about his personality. Now that things have gone "south" and we had a second opinion, we MUCH prefer the second doc's bedside manner and plan on going to him for this next phase of treatment. We feel we owe SOME explanation to the first doc - would like suggestions/opinions on how to go about this. Even though he is harsher, we are still appreciative of all he has done for us. Thank you for your thoughts.

Lynda

longtermsurvivor's picture
longtermsurvivor
Posts: 1792
Joined: Mar 2010

than to worry about the first doc's feelings. No need to say anything. If you choose to say something, drop him a note thanking him for the care and telling him you are transfering to doctor number 2. Don't make a big deal out of this. Most patients say nothing at all, and there certainly isn't a need to somehow make the first doc feel better about losing a patient.

best to you.

Pat

CivilMatt's picture
CivilMatt
Posts: 2934
Joined: May 2012

Hi Lynda,

I am sorry for your husband’s prognosis and hope beyond hope it wasn’t so.

Out of all my (good) doctors, I definitely liked my rad onc the best. She is just more personable.

If you find the need to explain, don’t feel bad, if he is harsh, he knows it and probably loses patients regularly due to his bed side manner. Do it like you said, tell him you appreciate his care, but are going else where. You are under no moral obligation to explain yourselves and under these conditions; he should not expect an explanation. After all, you are changing doctors and not burning bridges.

Best,

Matt

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8076
Joined: Sep 2009

With Matt and Pat....

It's your health and you have to do what you feel you need to do.

I'm sure that most MD's don't take it personal. it's part of the profession. If it were a long time family MD, and you had a good relationship, then you might be obligated to communicate on a more personal level.

Thoughts & Prayers,
John

fisrpotpe's picture
fisrpotpe
Posts: 1335
Joined: Aug 2010

I too agree with Matt, Pat and John

i may add, if you get the chance by happenstance just share your thoughts, don't soft shoe its. i know for me it's all about helping those that follow behind that need better from this doctor. may he listen and change his was as needed to help many others.

john

fisrpotpe's picture
fisrpotpe
Posts: 1335
Joined: Aug 2010

I too agree with Matt, Pat and John

i may add, if you get the chance by happenstance just share your thoughts, don't soft shoe its. i know for me it's all about helping those that follow behind that need better from this doctor. may he listen and change his was as needed to help many others.

john

meaganb's picture
meaganb
Posts: 226
Joined: May 2012

I have not switched oncologists, but I did start seeing a different ENT. My original ENT had terrible bedside manner and although he was a skilled surgeon he was very rude to me on several occasions and I dreaded going to see him. I didn't say a thing to him. I had an appt scheduled so I called and cancelled that appointment and also sent a request for my records to be transferred. Like Pat said, you have bigger things to worry about. I certainly hope that this new treatment that y'all are persueing will help your husband. I am so sorry you're even having to do this!

Meagan

ToBeGolden's picture
ToBeGolden
Posts: 697
Joined: Aug 2010

If you could provide CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, it might be a good idea to tell Doc #1 why you are leaving. But I don't think anything you could possibly say would be accepted as "constructive". Since saying anything would probably be received as negative, it is better not saying anything. My opinion. Rick.

bjohn
Posts: 17
Joined: Oct 2011

My husband also decided to go for a second opionion after a reocuurance and liked what was offered at the new center. We did keep the ENT at the original hopsital and was surprised to learn that he had no idea we had continued care somewhere else. I guess they don't talk that much to each other unless you ask. I think doing the best for the patient is the most important and all doctors should respect that.

hwt's picture
hwt
Posts: 1912
Joined: Jun 2012

If you feel the need to address the change, do so, but keep it short and sweet. If you send a brief thank you note there is no chance you will be caught at a weak moment and not make the change you desire. That could happen in a face to face situation. Other things to worry about more important.

blackswampboy's picture
blackswampboy
Posts: 341
Joined: Jul 2012

damn it, now I've got an earworm--that old paul simon song. lol.

You Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy

good luck and best wishes!

dennis318's picture
dennis318
Posts: 349
Joined: Feb 2010

6 doctors, 2 i never saw....I kept the 2 i liked...and paid the others off, that was my good bye. Agree with swampboy..lol Best Wishes find who you are comfortable with...Dennis

KareGiver
Posts: 290
Joined: Apr 2011

By the way, BSB, love Paul Simon! :)

Greend's picture
Greend
Posts: 679
Joined: Feb 2010

Thanks BSB

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