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Husband lost his battle

Suzi_cue1961
Posts: 17
Joined: Jul 2012

My husband Richard lost his battle with Pancreatic Neuroendocrine Carcinoid Caner on October 3rd. We were married for over 26 1/2 years. Have 6 children and 10 grandchildren. I still have two at home that are 14(twins). Just take a moment at a time and trust that the Lord is guiding us through. Richard was 53 years old. Feels like I am in a dream and waiting to wake up... Prayers for all those that have lost loved ones.

MamasBoy
Posts: 5
Joined: Oct 2012

You have my deepest and warmest condolences. I am also still grieving a lost loved one myself. All these cancers, these tumors people have to endure with, truly the devil's spawn. No one should have to go through this.

I still have moments like my mom will come through the door any minute, or I'll read, watch something interesting and I'll pick myself up from my chair wanting to tell her about it...only to be quickly reminded she's no longer home.

Wounds heal but scars remain. All we do is learn to cope with it, and even then, it's not a "one size fits all" as everyone mourns differently. As a person of faith myself, there is nothing we can do but pray for those who didn't choose this unwarranted fight, and for their families and friends.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

I know words don't help, but maybe knowing that you are not alone can. I lost my husband 3 years ago after a 6 year battle. Grief is very personal. We each have to find our own way, but coming here and connecting with others has been good for me. I hope it helps you, too. The first few weeks I experienced a lot of the fog of grief. I found that term in a book, and it helped me understand what I was feeling. I can offer you a little hope. For me, time has helped. I don't think I will ever stop grieving, but the grief has mellowed. I just still have this dull ache. He is still the last thing I think of every night and the first thing I think of each morning. The upcoming holidays are going to be tough for all of you. Just remember that it is ok to remember the good times. You will find strength you never knew you had, but it is ok to cry, too. Take care, Fay

Suzi_cue1961
Posts: 17
Joined: Jul 2012

Thank you!!!

Some days I just don't know if I know how to act. I am pretty much spur of the moment right now. And I even find myself driving down the road and still not know where I am going. And I end up turning around several times till I either get some place or just drive around to waste time so I don't have to stay home. I actually just was able to go back and sleep in my bedroom this past week. But I knew I would in time. I worry about my boys because they don't talk about their dad much. So that bothers me since they r 14 years old. I really haven't considered talking to any grief counselors. Not sure how comfortable I would feel in doing so. But I will just take one step at a time and if I need to then I will look into it. Hospice has offered counseling to me and my family plus we have grief counseling at our church. I am definitely not looking forward to the holidays. I really want to cover my head and wake up after the new year. But I have to be realistic and I know life still goes on. Even when I feel like mine has stopped. Thanks for listening.
Susan.

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grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

It is easy for us to say we don't need counseling or a group. We belonged to a cancer support group. We really didn't need it. My husband was resistant to attending it, but after the first meeting, he was hooked. We made some wonderful friends there who are still giving me support. You might want to attend one knowing that you are not obligated to continue. Also, I know that a youth from our church attends a camp for children who have lost loved ones to cancer. He loves it. Ask hospice about something like that in your area. Grieving is a process and its not easy. It helps to connect with others who understand what we are going through. Our church has many widows. They helped me through many a rough patch. When I asked for prayers on the first anniversary of my husband's death, they surrounded me with love. You will find what works best for you. These boards are a form of support group, too, and they are here 24/7. Take care, Fay

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Kathylr
Posts: 8
Joined: Apr 2012

Thanks grandmafay, that phrase describes just what I've been experiencing. I didn't know it had a name and I'm glad to learn that it is a well-enough known reaction to even *have a name. I've just felt numb, and low-energy, since my husband died Aug. 28. In truth it reminds me a lot of how I felt through the intense care-giving months too, when I was sleep-deprived, stressed and pushed far out of my normal routine. I guess that makes some sense.

Kathy

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