Oct 20, 2012 - 11:56 am
Ok this caregiver job is so hard. Watching my beloved husband in pain, losing weight and miserable at times is so hard. I find myself sitting alone in the house for hours while he sleeps. He is such a light sleeper I can't even vacuum or clean the house so I sit around a lot more than I am used to. I have had so much anxiety with the cancer, losing the baby, worries about the house and now my job is even giving me fits. I forgot about myself somewhere along the way and have a long standing problem of martyring myself in times of need. I cry myself to sleep almost every night, missing my husband's kiss or even hugs. I rarely have any physical contact with anyone and it has been very difficult. Well last night after David telling me I really needed a night of ballroom dancing and my dance instructor pleading for me to come. I put on makeup, did my hair and took my dancing shoes. I went dancing for two hours with some of my best friends. It was so nice to feel human contact and know I was in a safe place. Yes today I am back in my lonely house, but last night was so good for me. I am praying for all you caregivers out there. It's a hard job. I know our loved ones have it worse, which sometimes makes me feel like if it is this bad for me. Oh well not going down that road, but just want everyone to try to take care of yourself through this journey. You need to take care of you as well.