CSN Login
Members Online: 22
CSN Home › Other Discussion Boards › Caregivers

i stayed away

sadamy
Posts: 4
Joined: Oct 2012
Oct 17, 2012 - 1:27 pm

My mom was sick and i stayed away. My mother allowed my brother/abuser/crackead into her house and as a mom of two little ones i stayed away. Mom thought she had the flu but it wouldn't go away. I started a fight with my brother so he left and I found my mom confused, skinny, limping and hardly able to hold a conversation. I called her doc. On the first day of school she was admitted with tumors in her brain and lung. That was a tues, they scheduled surgery for the brain tumor for that fri. The night before her surgery my brother called my mom at the hospital to say he was back. I had to call the police and i had my brother removed from her house.
Mom has made a remarkable recovery and i have my mom back. I have my mom back but she has stage 4 lung cancer. So now i get to see her recover and get sick all at the same time.
I know i am blessed-it could be worse. I want to stay grateful but i just want time to stop, i want to put my mom in my pocket and keep her safe and hide her from cancer. I wont leave her side...my brother took advantage of her, i guess i'll have to deal with him and that situation too-one day. Oh and no my brother has not contacted my mother again-not post surgery or even on her 60th birthday. It's all me, she is not married and isn't that close to her siblings. I resent them, i'm starting to feel angry and sad alot. I feel like i want to be with mom all the time and when i'm not i feel guilty.
My husband and kids need me too- i feel like i'm on a rollar coaster and a tightrope all at the same time.
Noellesmom
Posts: 1170
 Joined: Aug 2010
Oct 20, 2012 - 8:08 am
we call it the roller coaster from hell, amy

I am sorry for all your mom and you and your family are going through. Your mom is blessed to have you in her life.

Your brother - issues to deal with later on in a different time and place. Not your burden to bear right now, if ever. Your choice on that one.

Cancer is a thief and it takes our loved ones in many insidious ways, even if we they don't die from it.

Spend time with your mom, incorporate her in your young family's life and enjoy each other, amy. Your husband and children will see a good example by your actions. That is part of being a wife and mother, too, even though we don't think about it when we marry.

Remember to breathe and take care of yourself, too. Go exercise, take some long walks, live your life as normally as possibly realizing there is a "new normal" here.

Find out when hospice will be an option and remember they are not just about end of life care - they are about maintaining quality of life, also.