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The Love of my life

mmpallwitz
Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2012

I am a mother of two boys age 7 and 9 and I just lost my husband on October 2nd 2012 to Refractory Diffuse Large B-Cell Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. He fought hard, as it was already stage 4 when diagnosed in November 2011. I miss him. The pain hurts and I have no time to grieve, as I will have to return to work to support my boys. Matt and I had no life insurance policies on each other outside of work. Well his work life insurance police did not continue after he was done with FMLA and had to resign due to the fact he was so sick. He was my best friend, my love of my life and the one I would go to for anything. Does the pain ever get any easier? I still cant believe he is gone. Any advise would be great!

here4lfe
Posts: 295
Joined: Jan 2010

No words of advice from me, as I just lost my wife. I am back to work, trying to put one foot in front of the other and just letting the grief and pain work its way out.

barbn
Posts: 33
Joined: Jan 2012

I too am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband on Sept 7th. There are no miracle words for the grieving. I miss my husband so much. He is in Heaven and not suffering any longer and we have to trust in God he willl carry us through this.
I agree I just put one foot in front of the other and take one moment at a time.
My prayers are with you.
Barb
bnowa2@gmail.com

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1613
Joined: Aug 2009

Welcome to the board none of us ever wanted to be a part of. I am very sorry that your husband passed away. I lost mine three years ago this week. First, know that your grief is very new and will change some as time goes forward. You are not only grieving a husband. You are also grieving your partner in everything and the father of your children. This is really tough. You ask if it gets better. All I can tell you is that it has become easier for me. The hurt is still there, but the pain has mellowed. His life and death are now a part of you. That won't go away. Being a single parent is a job I didn't have to face because our children are grown with children of their own. You may feel that you don't have time to grieve, but time or not you are grieving. You may need to get counseling for you and your sons. Also, check with the American Cancer Center near you to see if they offer special programs for the children. I know a boy who lost his brother to cancer, and he attends a summer camp for children touched by cancer. He loves it. If you used hospice, ask them about grief groups and programs. Right now just concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. Don't try to be too strong. Take care of yourself because if you don't take care of you, you can't care for others. Cyber hugs, Fay

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi,
So sorry for your loss. I'm sure having the boys keeps you busy, but still doesn't make it easier. My husband died 2 & 1/2 years ago and I still miss him, but the pain of losing him has gotten easier. Just try to keep his memory alive and remember all the good times you had with him. I knew my husband since we were in 1st grade & were married for 46 years when he died. It's never easy to lose someone, but guess it's easier than having to watch them suffer. Be strong & if it gets to be too hard to handle, go for counseling. Hope you have family & friends to help you through this tough time. "Carole"

mr steve
Posts: 286
Joined: Sep 2009

Take the time to grieve, and keep on living. My wife passed after a 4 years of treatment. I never thought that I would be saying something like this ever. It has only been 6 months and I still miss her. The living gets better but the pain is still there you just learn to cope with it, is the best way I can describe it.

Suzi_cue1961
Posts: 17
Joined: Jul 2012

I send you hugs and prayers along with everyone else. I just lost my husband as well on October 3rd. Just one day at a time, one moment at a time. And put your trust in God that he will lead you. This is what I do.

grievinghusband
Posts: 6
Joined: Jul 2012

I feel your pain, as I lost my wife to cancer last May, and I am raising my 8 yr old son and 6 year old daughter without a mom.

Unfortunately, there are no words I can use that will help you. It is inconceivable that my wife is no longer here. It's been over 6 months for me and it still feels like a punch in the face everytime I wake up. I can count on one hand the number of days I managed to get through without crying. She left a wound that will never heal and a void that cannot be filled.

The holidays have helped surface the deep, raw emotional pain once again. My wife loved to celebrate and host Thanksgiving and Christmas parties and get togethers this time of year.

My only hope is that this 24/7 anguish begins to subside a little bit at a time. She was my best friend and I am lost without her. I continue to grieve privately so that my children don't see me. We visit her gravesite every Sunday.

The only comfort I have are my children, which are my wife's legacy, and I'm trying to raise them in the manner she had hoped. I hope you find some level of comfort in your children, and slowly begin to heal from your tremendous loss.

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grandmafay
Posts: 1613
Joined: Aug 2009

I just want you to know that 6 months is not very long in grieving terms. It seems like it, but it really isn't. I lost my husband a little over three years ago. I still have tough times. It has gotten better. Time has helped me feel the pain less sharply. As a friend of mine likes to say, it has mellowed. I rarely visit try husband's grave. My faith tells me that he isn't there. Instead, I find him in our children and grandchildren, in my warm memories, and the love we had for each other. That is what time has done for me. Each of us must find our own way. You will find yours, but give it time. Hugs, Fay

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