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scanxiety.....never ceases to amaze me *UPDATE*

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2397
Joined: Jun 2006

I absolutely was NOT going to post ....was going to get CAT scan today and do CEA's and keep my mouth shut. I have been so blessed and so many people here are struggling right now.

So here I sit sunk in fear, completely convinced of more cancer....just took .5mg of ativan to get through....i have never had a scan booked so late in the day....3pm...usually get the morning.

Hubby is a writer and he is volunteering to do a fund raiser for residential hospice for our town....I think this is wonderful.....BUT NOT TODAY....I just don't want to talk about it for a couple of hours anyway...

so only two more hours to stew....point I guess is....is it even possible to get over this wretched fear and anxiety about cancer....can we ever escape and find some peace....?

love to you all

mags

my gp just phoned me at home.....how late do they work to say liver and lungs look good....waiting for CEA

tired .....talk tomorrow

abrub's picture
abrub
Posts: 1528
Joined: Mar 2010

Should make for some pretty rich stew. I'm busy obsessing over my surgery tomorrow, and tho assured that the likelihood is that both lumps are benign, I won't be happy until I get my path.

I'm also dreading the Frankensteinien aspect (placing of 2 wires in my breast to mark the lumps - the wires are placed during compression of a mammo, and the ends hang out. Yuck! Bothers me more than the surgery.)

I'll hold your hand if you'll hold mine!

Hugs,
Alice

relaxoutdoors08
Posts: 516
Joined: May 2011

Alice,
I have been away on our farm so no Internet. Thinking of you with prayers and sending all the positive support for good results.
N Ann

Maglets,
We all feel the scan anxiety. Sending you prayers and support.
N Ann.

Grace14
Posts: 60
Joined: Sep 2011

I hate the fear of scans and tests! I have to have blood work next week and yearly scans in January and already the anxiety is setting in! I hate the unknown of this disease its so frustrating, and nobody understands this fear unless your a cancer patient. I always get oh don't worry everything will be fine! Really I hope so it's so easy for them! This is so mean to say but I wish they could walk in our shoes for one day so they could see that fear that I feel! I wake up in the morning thinking about cancer and go to bed thinking about it. Yes sometimes I can forget it about for a while but for the most part it never leaves my mind! I wish we had a switch in our brain that we could just turn off and then turn back on when it was time for scans. I so know how you feel! Good Luck with your scans! Sorry i needed to vent a little!

johnnybegood's picture
johnnybegood
Posts: 1122
Joined: Oct 2008

we ever get over that fear but just want to wish you luck and sending prayers and good vibes your way(((HUGS))) Godbless...johnnybegood

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2397
Joined: Jun 2006

yes alice we have both cooked up a nice big stew. I have had the wires Alice and it is a bit creepy but not too bad....really it isn't.....HERE hold my hand

Grace 14 you just vent away there girl....no probs....I can't really tell how far ahead I start clickin into the fear place....one month? one week? in it now for sure.....

does anyone else start to feel lumps and pains the second scanxiety hits??? for instance I feel my liver weighs about 80 pounds this afternoon, definitely short of breath....here comes lung cancer....oh sore in armpit.....that's invovlment for sure!!! craziness!!!!!!!

Johnny hearing from you soothes my soul....thanks for your note and prayers and vibes

it's a long old dirty old path no matter how you look at it....

mags

abrub's picture
abrub
Posts: 1528
Joined: Mar 2010

Mags, I'm right there with you, holding you up.

Despite the scanxiety, we somehow get through.

Hoping for a nice, clean scan,
Alice

ron50's picture
ron50
Posts: 1267
Joined: Nov 2001

From Ron who can never quite decide if the glass is half full or half empty,Good luck Mate...Ron.

jen2012
Posts: 1188
Joined: Aug 2012

Yours is one of the stories that has brought me hope for my husband in the last several weeks. Sending positive thoughts and many prayers for great results. Hang in there!

smokeyjoe
Posts: 1428
Joined: Feb 2011

Best wishes to both of you.....I'm stressing right now over having to go back on chemo. after a year of none of that nonsense, and it's really messing with my head. Yesterday didn't want to get up from lying on the sofa, ended up going out with friends to celebrate my birthday early, but all I wanted to do was crawl into bed.

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2397
Joined: Jun 2006

jen that is so very nice of you to say....there is always hope....sometimes it just seems to get misplaced for a minute :)

ahhh smokey.....I hear you....sometimes bed retreat is so attractive....hang in and take this big hug......

mags

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 2900
Joined: Jan 2010

I am not sure it is possible to get over any of the fears that come from having had a cancer diagnosis. I think the best that we ever do, from then on out, is to try to manage that fear.

Whether it is scanxiety, waiting on blood work or just feeling what others might call the normal aches and pains of living, all those naturally wear on our minds.

The best we can do is say..."ok, cancer, you might make me fearful today, but not tomorrow!".

Praying that your fears turn out to be unfounded and that all results are good news.

Hugs,

Marie who loves kitties

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2397
Joined: Jun 2006

Marie ....you are a kind angel....could you just slip up north here and come to the hospital with me....it's pouring rain and about 40 degrees...

okay going to go and do it.....

hugs to you Marie....

mags

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 2900
Joined: Jan 2010

You know I would if I could!

Sounds like the weather is your biggest challenge today...I really hate a cold rain.

I am with you in spirit.

Love to you,

Marie

janderson1964
Posts: 1531
Joined: Oct 2011

I know what you mean. I just got the date for my next scan which is almost 3 months from now but just getting the actual date set gave me an uneasy feeling. That is why i said in another post that we will never be fully cured. Some of us might be cured in the physical sensa but never the mental and emotional sense.

Grace14
Posts: 60
Joined: Sep 2011

Oh what I would do to not have had this cancer! The sad part is that in the beginning I changed me eating habits swore that I would not put one more bad thing in my mouth and here I am more than 2 years later eating sweets not eating enough vegetables. What is wrong with me? I feel like I was given a second chance having been diagnosed at a stage 2. I just feel like life is so short and I see so many people that are healthy and still get cancer. I just wish that I would take better care of myself. Every time I get the all clear I swear I'm gonna eat better, exercise and it just never happens. I'm just in this funk right now and I really have to snap out of this! Does anybody else feel the same way?

Momof2plusteentwins
Posts: 439
Joined: May 2012

I know what you mean. Cancer is on my mind every second of the day. I was diagnosed 4/11/12 and that's all I have thought of. Stage IV rectal cancer with mets to liver. Had surgery to remove rectal tumor and single liver met. Ned sept scan, but I feel like I need to be scanned every week to keep an eye on everything. Next scan in December and I am already worried. My family that sees me occasionally sees me not sick and no one really understands unless they live it. I feel like I have a death sentence that is torturing me slowly.
Sandy :)

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2397
Joined: Jun 2006

haha know what you mean....yes a weekly scan would be good just to be sure....NOT that would be a lot of radiation but seriously I take your point. My only thought is time.....as you move away it will lessen....sometimes now between scans I am anxiety free. I have always compared it to sneaking slowly slowly away from the beast.....whack down comes the paw sometimes and you have to start over....but sometimes you can sneak away.

I was diagnosed in 2005 Sandy and have fought three separate times....you will get there girl....you really really will

best love,

mags

ketziah35
Posts: 1143
Joined: Jun 2010

Mags,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. In just a few hours everything will be over with and you can have scanclosure.

When I get supper stressed, I close my eyes and imagine that I am in your cabin drinking a nice cup of coffee or having friends over for a barbeque, with wildflowers and birds about. Forgive me for invading your cabin, but the relaxation technique really works. Take yourself to a happy place.

This may sound stupid, but it really works.

I am praying for you!

Ketz

wolfen's picture
wolfen
Posts: 1176
Joined: Apr 2009

I'm just gonna have to be one of those people that Grace mentioned. Just breathe and everything is going to turn out fine.

Luv Ya,

Wolfen

Doc_Hawk's picture
Doc_Hawk
Posts: 685
Joined: Jan 2012

I think that fear is probably a specter that walks beside each of us every moment of every day. But, it is something that we can defeat by first acknowledging its presence and then dismissing it like sending an unruly child into time out. In Frank Herbert's sci-fi classic "Dune" there is a litany against fear and I think of it frequently. "I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it is gone I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

It's natural to dread scans and that horrible waiting period before we get the results. What I try to do (emphasis on try!) is let fear have it's hold for a few seconds and then push it away and tell myself "I can handle this, no matter what happens." Sometimes it even works.

Mags and Alice, good luck and you have the prayers of myself and many with you. God Bless.

danker
Posts: 731
Joined: Apr 2012

Being an optimist I never have any worry about tests. I just assume all will be well- and it usually is. So cool it, enjoy life!!!

Momof2plusteentwins
Posts: 439
Joined: May 2012

Good luck with scan. I wish we could all hold each other hands for these scans. Looking forward to your NED results tomorrow.
Sandy :)

marbleotis's picture
marbleotis
Posts: 476
Joined: Mar 2012

virally for each other. Through the www from one keyboard to another. Support without borders.

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4266
Joined: Jun 2009

Mags:

Rumor has it that when the grass grows over us we finally will:)

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2397
Joined: Jun 2006

hahah thanks there Craigie-poo

might be just a rumor though.....

hugs

pepebcn's picture
pepebcn
Posts: 6352
Joined: Aug 2010

I remember a few days ago that it was time for you to have your Scans, I remembered that it was around Halloween l remembered as well about your yearly scanxiety ,LOL. But I know, everything it's going to be OK as usual my friend .Good luck ,prayers and vibes cher Amie !
((((HUGS)))).

marbleotis's picture
marbleotis
Posts: 476
Joined: Mar 2012

I had my first post chemo scan in Sept - all clear. I was a pile of nerves up to that date. When I saw my Onc he was so happy to give me the news. He said we will scan you every 6 months for the first 3 years and he told me not to let cancer hold me hostage. I really thought about that and it was a powerful statement. This 'cancer' gets hold of our body, mind, emotions, spirit, family, finances, every waking and sleeping thought. Enough. So I decided every 6 months I just need to go, get the scan and just do that unhappy thing at that moment. I know it is easy to say but I really feel cancer has taken time from me that I cannot get back so I will only give it what's needed and really try to live!

Chelsea71
Posts: 1168
Joined: Sep 2012

I think scans are the worse kind of torture a person can endure. My husband (who actually has the cancer), starts to worry approx. 5 minutes before getting the results. For myself, the anxiety creeps in a couple weeks before the scan. Insomnia, irritability, distracted all the time etc... I have to take a full mg of Ativan before getting the results. I've often wondered if it gets easier over time, but I'm guessing it does not. I have the feeling you're going to get good news. Even if the results are not what you're hoping for, I know that you will dig deep within yourself and find the ability to deal with the situation. You guys are the strongest group of people imaginable.

Good luck!

Chelsea71
Posts: 1168
Joined: Sep 2012

I think scans are the worse kind of torture a person can endure. My husband (who actually has the cancer), starts to worry approx. 5 minutes before getting the results. For myself, the anxiety creeps in a couple weeks before the scan. Insomnia, irritability, distracted all the time etc... I have to take a full mg of Ativan before getting the results. I've often wondered if it gets easier over time, but I'm guessing it does not. I have the feeling you're going to get good news. Even if the results are not what you're hoping for, I know that you will dig deep within yourself and find the ability to deal with the situation. You guys are the strongest group of people imaginable.

Good luck!

Chelsea

Whoops! I guess I'm impatient. I am finding this web site to be very slow lately.

lauragb
Posts: 368
Joined: Aug 2011

I hope NED visited you in the doughnut! I feel your scanxiousness. Mine are coming up next month. I think I'm starting to get a little whacky already. Like many others have said, l think I give cancer too much attention. Time for more soothing relaxing images. I look forward to hearing your good results:)

Cathleen Mary
Posts: 529
Joined: May 2011

There is so much about having cancer that no can prepare us for and living with uncertainty/anxiety is at the top of my list. There are so many benchmarks to get through; then, there's new ones. Praying that all went well.

hugs,
Cathleen Mary

Cathleen Mary
Posts: 529
Joined: May 2011

There is so much about having cancer that no can prepare us for and living with uncertainty/anxiety is at the top of my list. There are so many benchmarks to get through; then, there's new ones. Praying that all went well.

hugs,
Cathleen Mary

Semira's picture
Semira
Posts: 272
Joined: Mar 2012

and thinking of you both. Sending best wishes all the way from Germany!
A big big hug
Petra

janderson1964
Posts: 1531
Joined: Oct 2011

I am praying for a clean scan.

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2397
Joined: Jun 2006

thank you one and all for your kind and thoughtful words.

No word yet....it will take some time I expect....something that we obviously all share..

the sun is shining here today so that is a very good thing.

thinking of all of you and all our woes

maags

smokeyjoe
Posts: 1428
Joined: Feb 2011

Mags you could joined me up at the Bala Cranberry Festival .... went to the winery :) Bought me some cranberry wine ... cranberries are good for you!!

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4665
Joined: May 2005

While the scans aren't fun, it's part of the game as another member recently said here.
I've found that they get easier over time. I just go on with my life and not until 6 days later do I get antsy.
I guess that since I've been in the same pattern for so long that things are what they area and I'm not going
to change things by worrying about them..

{{{hugs}}}
-phil

YoVita's picture
YoVita
Posts: 541
Joined: Mar 2010

for you. Also hope you don't have to wait too long for the results.

tommycat's picture
tommycat
Posts: 790
Joined: Aug 2011

Maglets......today is here and you did it---you got through it---you WENT for your scans. Phew---over! Now to wait for the good results, which I hope you'll post.
PS: Like the image of holding hands through cyberspace.
xo
TC

marbleotis's picture
marbleotis
Posts: 476
Joined: Mar 2012

I just had a thought (it happens every now and then), we are not dying from cancer - we are living with it. Scans are part of the living with it. We each need to learn the "how" to live with it as there is no instruction manual for this. So we need to face blood tests and scans and all that fun stuff. I know it really, really, really, really sucks (alot) but the alternative is not an option. Hope my words of wisdom(?) helps someone.

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 857
Joined: Mar 2011

Dear Mags, I hope all is well by now. Mine is Friday and I too have been so blessed. However, I start about 2 weeks before the scan imagining every ache & pain to be the beast. I tell myself I am being silly, but we all know what can happen. Good luck dear lady and continued good health,
Hugs,
& Prayers,
Judy

k44454445's picture
k44454445
Posts: 494
Joined: Jul 2012

i had scans on oct 8 & i handle it by telling myself that whatever the out come i WILL deal with it. i will pray for great results. good luck to everyone on their scans!
hugs
judy

janderson1964
Posts: 1531
Joined: Oct 2011

So you scan was clean. That is so awesome. I was a little nervous when i saw that you had an update. You are an inspiration.

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2397
Joined: Jun 2006

yes clear....just started a fresh thread....thank you so much for your help

mags

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 2900
Joined: Jan 2010

How lucky you are to have a doc who understands the anxiety of waiting for news.

Clear is great!

Hugs,

Marie who loves kitties

taraHK
Posts: 1961
Joined: Aug 2003

SOO glad your scan was clear (I know you started a new thread).

Don't ever feel you shouldn't post about scanxiety! We are family in this! That's what we are here for....

Love,
Tara

abrub's picture
abrub
Posts: 1528
Joined: Mar 2010

It's time for you to breathe again.

Alice

Ruffy7
Posts: 126
Joined: Sep 2011

Hi alice, I've been thinking about you. How did the surgery go? I suppose you won't know anything till pathology comes back? Hope everything went /goes well.

smokeyjoe
Posts: 1428
Joined: Feb 2011

Good going Girl!!! I started chemo. again supposed to have avastin included this round...oncologists pharmacist came to talk to me....Cancer care ontario hasn't approved me yet for this drug....so I got Folfiri....was so prepared mentally to get avastin, and it didn't happen, can't say for sure whether it will, hopefully next round.

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