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OK, I need to lighten the mood.

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 1953
Joined: Oct 2011

This grizzly old biker is sitting in McDonalds having some lunch. He watches as an older couple enter. She goes and sits down near the biker as her husband goes up to the counter and orders some food. He comes back and sits with her. First she takes a napkin, carefully rips it in half, places 1/2 next to her husband and 1/2 next to her. He opens the bag removes the small soda and pours 1/2 into a cup for his wife and 1/2 for himself. Then he separates the french fries into 2 even piles.1/2 for her and 1/2 for him. Then he takes the hamburger, cuts it in 1/2 and gives 1/2 to her and 1/2 to himself. The biker thinks that such a loving old couple must be quite poor so he introduces himself and says that he would be very happy to purchase a meal for each of them. The lady says "Thank You, but we always share everything." So the biker goes back and sits down. As he looks over, the husband is merrily chomping down on his hamburg, then some fries, sipping his soda. The lady is just sitting there, food untouched. Confused, the biker again approaches the couple and says that he understands their desire to share everything but doesn't understand why she hasn't eaten her food. She looks at him and again thanks him for his interest and then says, "I'm just waiting for my turn to use the dentures!"

angec's picture
angec
Posts: 626
Joined: Mar 2012

That was hysterical!! Both my mom and dad got a kick out of it! They are always taking their dentures in and out. The funny part is, they take the OUT to eat! Go figure!! Thanks for starting the day with laughter, it is the best medicine! Hope you are doing well...xo

ClaraW
Posts: 64
Joined: Jun 2012

Is this account by any means anecdotal Mr Fox? =)

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

Must be. Seems Fox is happy as Larry now!

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 1953
Joined: Oct 2011

I know that you all know, that I am so fortunate. I am feeling good. Radiation over. Fatigue and pain are essentially gone. I've started exercising and running again. Golfing tomorrow. Who woulda ever thunk it? Yes,I am happy! Thinking positive.

alice124's picture
alice124
Posts: 860
Joined: Mar 2012

I woulda thunk it Fox! Thrilled!!!

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 1953
Joined: Oct 2011

Thanks Alice! Sometimes I just shake my head.

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

Count me as thrilled as Alice an' I woulda thunk it too - it couldn't have happened to a better man or been more richly deserved. Thank God you continue as the beacon for us all here for all the foreseeable future.

angec's picture
angec
Posts: 626
Joined: Mar 2012

Count me as thrilled as Alice and TW! It is so wonderful to read the good news isn't it? You go out and have a great run and a fun game of golf! You earned it! WLF We love Fox!

icemantoo's picture
icemantoo
Posts: 1599
Joined: Jan 2010

These posts should be requires reading for those of ue going thru surgery. Then again our stiches can only take so much,

Icemantoo

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

You lighten the mood with your humor and brighten the mood with your story, I take my hat off to you.

Rock on,

Gary

angec's picture
angec
Posts: 626
Joined: Mar 2012

A little more mood lifting?? MRS. Brown gets a bikini wax. Warning.. don't watch if you just had surgery, you might bust a gut.. This will surely lift your mood!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqfwYk-Gt1I

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

Thanks Ange - it worked for me. Is this from a regular TV show?

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

Vern works hard at the Phone Company but spends
Two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Vern! How ya doin?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to This club before.
"Oh no," says Vern. "He's in my bowling league ."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Vern, starts to rub herself all over him and says..."Hi Vern. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Vern's wife, now furious, Grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book..

The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Vern, you picked up a real witch this time."

VERN'S FUNERAL WILL BE HELD THIS COMING FRIDAY...

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

Just too good - still hurting!

So glad we don't always have to wait until Friday though, Gary.

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

Breeding bulls...

Vern and his wife went to the State Fair and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,...

'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'

His wife playfully nudged him in the ribs ......Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,...

'THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'

His wife gave him a healthy jab and said, "WOW~~~That's more than twice! a week! ............You could learn a lot from him Vern."

They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,...

in capital letters,...

"THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR"

His wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke his ribs, as she said,...

"That's once a day ..You could 'REALLY' learn something from this one Vern."

Vern looked at her and said,...

"Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."

Vern's condition has been upgraded from critical
to stable and he should eventually make a full recovery.

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

Four guys have been going on the same fishing trip for many years.

Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"Damn Ron, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday evening. I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, "Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom.

The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, so I did. And then she said, "Now do whatever you want."

So, here I am. You guys want a beer?

alice124's picture
alice124
Posts: 860
Joined: Mar 2012

Good laugh Ron!

angec's picture
angec
Posts: 626
Joined: Mar 2012

Glad it worked! Yes, it is in the UK I believe. We don't get it in the States. I retrieved this bit from Youtube.com. They have plenty of others. Everyone of their clips brings me tears! You can't be sad watching this. ;)

We have more jokes below about Vern! Keep them coming!

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

Ange, how embarrassing is that - it's actually a current BBC1 show that my Wife and I had each noticed but which neither of us has ever watched - looks like another treat I've been missing - I'll have to catch up from the archives!

angec's picture
angec
Posts: 626
Joined: Mar 2012

Well, now you have a new goal! Please do watch it, I know it will keep you laughing. I wish I can see them but they are not here. I think I may be able to order the cd. Enjoy!

Hanno's picture
Hanno
Posts: 45
Joined: Aug 2012

I love this thread. That is all.

Eliezer2
Posts: 58
Joined: Aug 2012

Max would like to convince his wife of many years to participate in "relations" with him more often. So he connives with his MD friend to tell his wife that Max has a rare condition and the only thing that can save him is if she has "relations" with him twice a day. Because otherwise he will die. So Max brings in the Missus, she enters the MD's office and he tells her the tale, about how her husband has this rare condition and only she can help, for without having relations twice a day he will die. Max is outside grinning and happy. The wife comes out, and Max asks, so what did the doc say? She answers, "He says you are going to die."

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

Thought that was apocryphal but, told with such conviction, I fear it's autobiographical!

No genre of humour to compare with it, is there?!

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