Oct 12, 2012 - 3:05 am
Well, I received my 1st round of chemo on Oct. 1st. I went in that Monday and got a cocktail of Cisplatin and Taxotere. This was administered thru IV for a period of about 5 hrs or so. They then hooked me to a pump filled with 5FU and wore that till Friday when they finally took this poison out and thought everything was going to be better till Rd. 2, two weeks later. But Let's back up a bit, on day 3(wed) I started vomiting and not keeping down and food oor water, take my pain pills etc. for those next three days.
I FELT LIKE DEATH WARMED OVER!! And I wish I were a dramatic person. So Saturday, Sunday, Monday passed with nothing getting better ....still vomiting, mouth filling with sores and mucus so bad it was causing me to gag and vomit. Tuesday I finally went in and got fluids and to see doc because I had lost fifteen lbs in a week and seriously couldn't even find the strength to get out of bed. I got fluids Wed and Thursday and now am finally felling better. Turns out I have Thrush as well as the mouth sores, so speaking at the moment is very painful and kept to a minimum...which may be for the best. My white cell count and platelets were very low so I was given an antibiotic, nausea, and thrush meds.
I am supposed to do this THREE more times, then go to University of Chicago to get Eight rounds of Erbitux with possibly only Six months to live???!!!
I am sorry but this is we're I start to question quality of life. I cant sit back and be practically bed redden for only My boys and wife's to watch me die like this? Not to mention thee tumors are still the same size and the only changes to maybe a couple is that they are softer than before.
What can I do here? I'm lost, in pain, and confused. I feel by saying no to anymore chemo sends the impression I am not even giving this a chance, a quitter. I just don't know what to do. I am a 37 yr old father, husband that is facing ... everything I experience now each day will be the last I have with my family, thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, all our birthdays etc. I just am not sure this is how I want to play out, which is now, the last 7 months of our lives together.
Scared and Thankful,