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without my bestfriend, my mama.

chantalw297
Posts: 4
Joined: Mar 2012

Hi there,
My name is Chantal, I am 20 years old and I've lost my mama back in April this years (6months ago).

My mum was diagnosed with cancer on her spine in november 2011. Everything started to move really quickly, radiation, chemotherapy and lots of hospitilaztion. She soon found out she had a tumour on her left lung which I guess was the primary tumour. My mom raised my sister and I by herself, she was a very independent woman. The worst thing about that whole few months was seeing her dignity leave, it was physically heartbreaking. I then decided to be her main caregiver.I drove her to appointmenta, fed, bathed, and kept her loving company :) My mom tried and fought more than anyone I know, yet we would never talk about her sickness really. She cut off all ties from most of her family and friends because she thought this would just be a hurdle in life she would overcome. Near the end,she was in her hospital bed and i came to do my hourly visits. I over heard her speak with a counsellor saying that I was her biggest support system. That thought helps me to this day with getting by. The moment my mother passed away I was literally walking into the room, I got a call 10min earlier saying I had to be there because she was going to pass away any second. I do beleive that my mom passed away right before I walked into the room because she knows how hard it would have been for me to see her from alive to gone.

It has been a long, hard road since shes been gone. Although, I will be honest I felt a huge sense of peacefullness the moment I knew she was gone. The fact that "the fights over." I would never ever wish upon anyone what my poor mum went through....

It felt almost easy at the begininng, i knew i was in shock. It wasn't until about 2 months ago I had a breakdown at work when I saw a mother and daughter together. I literally fell into peices. I then took myself to get therapy weekly. I highly recommend therapy for anyone who has gone through this. It has helped me tenfold.

I am now proud to say I have been accepted into the Residential Care Aid program
angels do exist :)

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1629
Joined: Aug 2009

Good luck on your new adventure. I know you know that your mother would be proud of you. You're right, those first few months after losing a loved one can be pretty foggy. I'm glad you are getting counseling to deal with your grief. We never know what might set us off, crying that is. I lost my husband three years ago this month. I still tear up at times, and often it's some little thing. Time has helped, but I suspect the hurt, though mellowed, will never go away. Take care, Fay

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