Oct 09, 2012 - 8:34 am
But the year has been devastating. At the same time my mother got her diagnosis, her sister (my beloved aunt) was also diagnosed with cancer. We were crushed when we lost her this spring, but we are trying to fight on - for her. We were with her till the end, and saw how gruesome cancer is. Had she been alive, she would have been the person helping us both in this situation. This is still very hard for us, mentally.
After 11 rounds of Folfox the tumors were stable enough so they put mom on a break this summer. The break turned out to be 4 months long, even though I asked them if this was not very risky. I was unfortunately right. One of the tumors in her liver has doubled in size since august, to almost 4 cm. The biggest one is 5 cm. But the biggest shock is when they told us she has about twenty! tumors in her liver. She will begin folfiri (5FU + ironetecan) shortly. She cannot have avastin due to medical history.
My problem is that I don't know what to do with the information we have, and I can't ask the doctors behind her back. Does 20 mets to the liver, one very fast growing one, mean that she is nearing the end? How long can the liver function filled with that many tumors? Should I carefully tell her to start making preparations for the time to come, while she is still feeling healthy? What's killing me is what if I keep on working full steam ahead, and something suddenly happens and I wasn't there with her. Can I leave her alone at night? Can I even let her live alone in that big house, or should I move in with her right away? How serious is this? I know some of these are questions with no answers, but any kind of advice would be appreciated.
I feel so alone in this, having no one to ask for help, and still trying to be strong for her. I love her so much and I just don't want to have any regrets, or not be there with her in a time of need.