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Having a hard time getting back to normal

LyLyn
Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2012

I'm just a few months since my first clear PET scan. I am still having trouble getting back to normal. I get scared over things I know shouldn't be scaring me anymore like kids coughing (I work at a school) or friends being sick. Sometimes when I get a little cold, I take my temperature constantly...

I also don't have a sex-drive. Still. I broke up with my boyfriend because of it. He was getting sexually frustrated and I felt too pressured even though he stopped talking about it. I just feel guilty for not being a whole-person or a proper girlfriend.

I feel disconnected from a lot of things, like I should feel more from certain events. Sometimes I do, but its more like a panic attack. Other times its like I'm numb and I know I should feel something but its like I couldn't be bothered.

I feel like i owe it to the people who saw me through cancer to get my head together and be myself again. I feel like I am letting them all down by not living life now that I'm done with treatment.

Mostly I want to be myself again and feel whole. I feel damaged and crazy.

Has anyone gone through this? Any advice?

Noellesmom
Posts: 1306
Joined: Aug 2010

A few months since your first clear PET and you are asking about getting back to normal. Honey, you are doing fine if you are getting out of bed in the morning and trying to get back to the things that matter to you, and I'm betting that perspective has changed, yes?

Talk to your doctor about the sex drive: you may need some simple blood work and some hormones and be as good as new in that department. Conversely, this may be an emotional issue for which you will need to see a counselor. Or maybe it is both. You don't say what kind of cancer it is so I don't know if it a physical appearance issue that worries your or perhaps the after-effects of your treatment's chemicals or what. Get help. Take that part of your life back.

It sounds like you have things to work through: good for you. That means you are ALIVE.

Welcome back to life.

Folks24
Posts: 104
Joined: Feb 2007

I think what you are going through is just normal emotions. Cancer is a BIG scare and you need time to adjust both physically AND emotionally.

I also just got a clear PET and am taking a series of shots now. I got an bacterial infection after my 5th chemo treatment and I worry about possible infection from the shots though oncologist says this is rare and the hardest part is over. My strength / stamina isn't there yet and I worry about getting knocked on my butt with bad symptoms all the time as you just never know when they will hit. I had a friend ask what I was concerned about and I asked if she wanted the whole list or the top 10!

Try to not be so hard on yourself and give yourself a break. You say "you owe it to the people", you must be a gal cause that is usually our mindset. Take care of everyone else and IF there is time, take care of ourselves. Well, this time you just have to put yourself first. I know it isn't easy "I was a caretaker for many yrs" but you can do it and things will gradually get better. Just not as quickly as we would like it to. Good Luck!

ozziecfc
Posts: 7
Joined: Feb 2011

I know exactly how you feel. When I was finished with my chemo and surgeries and after I received my good news from pathologist and my first pet/ct scan came out clear. I found it hard to come back to life and actually still dealing with it.

It's not any easy transition to make after going from a big scare like I had cancer to trying to get back to life. The reality of it is is that it's not that easy, and even though most people assuming that we should be happy after being cleared. It's really not that simple. I didn't jump for joy or didn't have a huge smile on my face when the doctor told me there is no signs of of cancer in my body.

It's a slow process back to life and having to rediscover who you are. You don't owe anything to anybody, you'll get there but one day at a time. Having to deal with the emotion of feeling disconnected is normal, or as I like to think one of the many post symptoms of life after cancer. I remember going to my first relay for life and I was expecting to feel something or be moved. But I didn't feel anything, I felt bad. I even felt like I didn't deserve to be there,

The way I've learn to deal with things and ease my way back into life is discussion boards like this, or people who have gone through the same process as you. People who have supported you or who were there through your treatment unfortunate don't understand, it's only the people that have lived through it that can relate. No one understood what I was going through, what made no sense to friends and family on how I felt was like talking another language. But when I talked to people who have lived through it or are fighting understood me.

You have to ease your way back into life at your own pace, you'll be yourself again one day. Just done be in a rush, find things that you loved before and reconnect with it. Discover and try new things you've never tried before, do what feels good to you. One day at a time.

If you ever need to talk feel free to message me. I hope you're doing well.

ozziecfc
Posts: 7
Joined: Feb 2011

I know exactly how you feel. When I was finished with my chemo and surgeries and after I received my good news from pathologist and my first pet/ct scan came out clear. I found it hard to come back to life and actually still dealing with it.

It's not any easy transition to make after going from a big scare like I had cancer to trying to get back to life. The reality of it is is that it's not that easy, and even though most people assuming that we should be happy after being cleared. It's really not that simple. I didn't jump for joy or didn't have a huge smile on my face when the doctor told me there is no signs of of cancer in my body.

It's a slow process back to life and having to rediscover who you are. You don't owe anything to anybody, you'll get there but one day at a time. Having to deal with the emotion of feeling disconnected is normal, or as I like to think one of the many post symptoms of life after cancer. I remember going to my first relay for life and I was expecting to feel something or be moved. But I didn't feel anything, I felt bad. I even felt like I didn't deserve to be there,

The way I've learn to deal with things and ease my way back into life is discussion boards like this, or people who have gone through the same process as you. People who have supported you or who were there through your treatment unfortunate don't understand, it's only the people that have lived through it that can relate. No one understood what I was going through, what made no sense to friends and family on how I felt was like talking another language. But when I talked to people who have lived through it or are fighting understood me.

You have to ease your way back into life at your own pace, you'll be yourself again one day. Just done be in a rush, find things that you loved before and reconnect with it. Discover and try new things you've never tried before, do what feels good to you. One day at a time.

If you ever need to talk feel free to message me. I hope you're doing well.

ozziecfc
Posts: 7
Joined: Feb 2011

I know exactly how you feel. When I was finished with my chemo and surgeries and after I received my good news from pathologist and my first pet/ct scan came out clear. I found it hard to come back to life and actually still dealing with it.

It's not any easy transition to make after going from a big scare like I had cancer to trying to get back to life. The reality of it is is that it's not that easy, and even though most people assuming that we should be happy after being cleared. It's really not that simple. I didn't jump for joy or didn't have a huge smile on my face when the doctor told me there is no signs of of cancer in my body.

It's a slow process back to life and having to rediscover who you are. You don't owe anything to anybody, you'll get there but one day at a time. Having to deal with the emotion of feeling disconnected is normal, or as I like to think one of the many post symptoms of life after cancer. I remember going to my first relay for life and I was expecting to feel something or be moved. But I didn't feel anything, I felt bad. I even felt like I didn't deserve to be there,

The way I've learn to deal with things and ease my way back into life is discussion boards like this, or people who have gone through the same process as you. People who have supported you or who were there through your treatment unfortunate don't understand, it's only the people that have lived through it that can relate. No one understood what I was going through, what made no sense to friends and family on how I felt was like talking another language. But when I talked to people who have lived through it or are fighting understood me.

You have to ease your way back into life at your own pace, you'll be yourself again one day. Just done be in a rush, find things that you loved before and reconnect with it. Discover and try new things you've never tried before, do what feels good to you. One day at a time.

If you ever need to talk feel free to message me. I hope you're doing well.

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