Sep 23, 2012 - 12:42 am
I'm just a few months since my first clear PET scan. I am still having trouble getting back to normal. I get scared over things I know shouldn't be scaring me anymore like kids coughing (I work at a school) or friends being sick. Sometimes when I get a little cold, I take my temperature constantly...
I also don't have a sex-drive. Still. I broke up with my boyfriend because of it. He was getting sexually frustrated and I felt too pressured even though he stopped talking about it. I just feel guilty for not being a whole-person or a proper girlfriend.
I feel disconnected from a lot of things, like I should feel more from certain events. Sometimes I do, but its more like a panic attack. Other times its like I'm numb and I know I should feel something but its like I couldn't be bothered.
I feel like i owe it to the people who saw me through cancer to get my head together and be myself again. I feel like I am letting them all down by not living life now that I'm done with treatment.
Mostly I want to be myself again and feel whole. I feel damaged and crazy.
Has anyone gone through this? Any advice?