Sep 21, 2012 - 10:55 pm
My dad is 62 years old and recently diagnosed with liver cancer. I am 34 years old and my dad is the best father I could ask for. I don't know how to process this... eventually I will not be able to pick up the phone and talk to him or see him on holidays. I have no kids yet and so they will never know him and I feel guilty about never giving him that experience. He was a marine and so I always saw him as this strong tough person who could make it through anything. To see that same person cry and say he is not ready for his life to end and then see him preparing to leave this earth hurts me so badly. It is a pain I have never experienced before and I don't know what to do with it. I hate cancer and what it is doing to our family and so many other families. I just was always on the outside looking in and now I know first hand. I don't know how to comfort my dad or what the right thing to say is... is there a right thing to say? I feel so overwhelmed with this roller coaster of emotions. I wake up everyday thinking I was having a nightmare and then realize that this isn't going away. I get up for him though, appreciating every second I have and I am with him even if I feel like curling up in a ball and shutting the world out. How do you survive emotionally? I just want to scream sometimes... all the time really!!