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Hospitals, hospitals, and hospitals

Lorikat's picture
Lorikat
Posts: 551
Joined: Jul 2011

I spent last week at the hospital in Dallas taking care of my daughter who had her Thyroid removed. Size of an avocado but NOT CANCER! Hallelujah!

Then got a call that my Mom had a major heart attack. Now at the hospital with Mom in New Mexico. Congestive heart failure output from left ventrical
Is only ten percent and should between sixty and seventy percent. And they want her to have round the clock care. I took care of her last night, bed pan, lifting, etc. woke up passing blood. Guess I pulled something or opened a fissure. Anyone else have that happen?

And HOW do I care for Mom if they send her home? Do we ever really get symptomless? I think I know the answer...... Guess I just needed to vent, soooo tired....

mp327's picture
mp327
Posts: 2818
Joined: Jan 2010

Lorikat, you have your hands full! Can you get some help with your Mom once she goes home? I hpe you can work something out. Take good care of yourself. Prayers for your daughter, your mom and you!

Lorikat's picture
Lorikat
Posts: 551
Joined: Jul 2011

Did not mention that my Mom has dementia and is soooo confused. God bless her.....

mp327's picture
mp327
Posts: 2818
Joined: Jan 2010

I'm sorry to hear that your mom has dementia in addition to her other health issues. My mom has dementia also. It's a cruel disease. I know the difficulties in caring for someone like that.

Lorikat's picture
Lorikat
Posts: 551
Joined: Jul 2011

Dementia IS a cruel disease.. I have a long time lease on an ice floe in Alaska. If I feel myself slipping I am just gonna float out to sea. Hypothermia anyone?

danker
Posts: 722
Joined: Apr 2012

My wife has dementia. It is getting to the point where I cannot care for her anymore. Plan on putting her in dementia care home.
Rather expensive, but I have no choice. Last summer we were married 55 years, unfortunately she is no longer the lady I married so long
ago. It is indeed cruel.

sephie's picture
sephie
Posts: 514
Joined: Apr 2009

55 years is fabulous. congrats. bless you and your wife. sephie

torrance
Posts: 118
Joined: Jan 2012

VENT all you want. Your plate is full and I pray you find the help for your mom that you BOTH need. Remember, you are no good to your mom or daughter if you do not take care of yourself.

Hugs to you!
Joanne

mxperry220
Posts: 349
Joined: Mar 2011

Your mom might benefit from in home healthcare or a nursing home. Medicare provides in home healthcare. It is not 24/7 but they have someone who can come in and bathe, fix meals and do light housekeeping as well as a visiting nuse. We tried this at first for our mom but eventually have had to move her to a nursing home. If you further injure yourself caring for your mom you might be of no use caring for her.

Below is a Medicare link that might help you with your mom.

http://www.medicare.gov/your-medicare-costs/costs-at-a-glance/costs-at-glance.html

Mike

Lorikat's picture
Lorikat
Posts: 551
Joined: Jul 2011

Thank you Mike. We have decided that my Mom is going to have to go to skilled nursing and then if she's able, to assisted living. She is so angry and I catch the brunt because I am DAUGHTER! I appreciate hearing from others that been through this....

One year scans coming up next month!

mp327's picture
mp327
Posts: 2818
Joined: Jan 2010

Please do not feel guilty about finding a nursing home for your mom. I had to put my mom in assisted living and it was very difficult for both of us. However, she adjusted quickly and seems quite content there, which is a relief to me. I live over 600 miles away, so it really was the only option for us. What I'm trying to say is that your mom may express anger at first, but once she has had time to adjust, things could smoothe out. I do hope that she will be able to go into assisted living at some point, as she will still have some sense of independence.

ptom
Posts: 33
Joined: Jun 2012

Dear Lorikat,

I usually post on the esophageal cancer site but for some reason was drawn to this site today. I'm currently surviving esophageal cancer and I'm also an 18 year survivor of Dukes Stage III colon cancer.

About your mother - please be careful when choosing a nursing facility. My mother had Alzheimer's, had a slip and fall in the memory care facility and ended up with a hairline fracture of her pubic bone. When she left the hospital she was moved to a skilled nursing facility for physical therapy. Apparently they were too busy to care for her and loaded her up with several anti-psychotic medications - the ones with a Federal Government Black Box warning that those meds are NOT to be used in patients with dementia. Of course no one bothered to call me and ask my permission before prescribing the drugs. Within a week she was curled into a fetal position sucking on her hands. Within two months she had passed away due to side effect from the unauthorized drugs.

I don't mean to scare you as I'm sure there are excellent skilled nursing facilities out there but please do your homework regarding nurse to patient ratios and be sure everyone there knows they must have your permission before any drugs are administered.

Please take care of yourself so you can take care of your mother. She is lucky to have you...even though she doesn't know it.

ptom

Lorikat's picture
Lorikat
Posts: 551
Joined: Jul 2011

Thanks for the info... Have been checking just that these last few days. Scary decisions .. Did not think about the meds though. Moms a bit demanding.... I will make sure they don't give her extra meds...

mxperry220
Posts: 349
Joined: Mar 2011

I was the primary one who took care of my mom's needs of us four children. Mother was very angry with me for about 1 1/2 years then she realized she was where she should be for her own safety. It was one of the hardest things for me to handle knowing my mother is in a nursing home 125 miles away. She refuses to move closer to us kids because she has lived in our hometown since she was 14. fortunately I have one brother in our hometown to help out with mother. She has been in the same nursing home for 9 years now and has adjusted well. Try not to take your mom's anger personally. She is probably upset that she realizes she has no other choice other than a nursing home.

sephie's picture
sephie
Posts: 514
Joined: Apr 2009

you can NOT lift and pull. you will be of no good to anyone. do NOT feel badly for finding a place for mom. you have to heal and yes, i bled for any little thing that i did for a long time. be careful . hugs sephie

Lorikat's picture
Lorikat
Posts: 551
Joined: Jul 2011

Thank You Sephie.. That felt like a hug....

MyHopen413
Posts: 38
Joined: Mar 2012

I am so sorry you are going through this with your mom and your daughter. My mother had to go into the nursing home about 5 years ago. She was in really bad shape with dementia and a host of problems when I found out I had cancer in April of 2011. At first I felt badly because I couldn't do for her the way I wanted to, but I finally just had to trust God and everything did work out. All nursing homes are rated by medicare and your state should have public records on nursing homes in regards to inspections and so forth. I have always felt that the best way to insure the best care is to have family, friends, church groups, etc., visit as often as possible. It is just the nature of people that if the staff knows that someone is observing the care they are giving, the individual will get better care. There are many wonderful people who work in nursing homes and assisted living centers that love the individuals they serve. I will pray that all goes well.
God watch over you and yours.
Diane

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4266
Joined: Jun 2009

We spent the first six-months this year becoming full time caregiver to my dad...he started falling and ended up in a hospital....refused all physical therapy...

...and then he went down like the Titantic.

Dementia settled in as well as Sundowner's Syndrome....he had pneumonia and all sorts of respiratory issues that had us moving him to every hospital, to every ER in the city...and every ICU as well...and to several rehab facilities too.

Other bodily functions ceased working and he couldn't walk...and he required full-time care, more of a convalescent situation than the assisted living thing.

He subsequently passed away about three-months ago...left a litany of outstanding items and handles all of his affairs poorly...leaving me and my wife the biggest headache I've ever seen...am in the process of cleaning out a hoarder house full of junk, not nice things, just junk and clutter and filth.

And working on probating his estate and jumping through all of those hoops...there's more to it than this, it has been so consuming, our lives became his overnight - and we are working so hard to remove the shroud and get everything handled - but it's a long and tiring process...and we both still work full-time...

I know what you mean...

Life seems to get harder as we get older...

Take care and I feel a part of your angst:)

-Craig

mp327's picture
mp327
Posts: 2818
Joined: Jan 2010

All that you have gone through with your dad is heartbreaking. I'm sorry to hear he has passed and that you and your wife have been left with the huge task of cleaning up everything that he didn't handle while he was alive. I tried to get my mom to take care of some things before her dementia set in and she refused. Now she is unable to make any good decisions, so it is up to my brother and me. I am facing a house full of some junk that I am going to start cleaning out in the near future. What saddens me is that when I have tried to get my mom to talk about her final arrangements, she clams up. I, on the other hand, have already given my husband explicit instructions, should I go before him. I really think one way a parent can show true love for their child or children is to have things in order and their wishes all in writing for when the time comes. I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this.

Lorikat's picture
Lorikat
Posts: 551
Joined: Jul 2011

"LORD LOVE A DUCK", as my Grandmother used to say! I jumped through those same legal hoops when my Dad passed five years ago. Fortunately my Dad had no dementia and was basically independent to the end. HOWEVER he was secretive as a lot of depression era people so figuring things out was a big puzzle some times. (he did hoard coffee cans though!! )

Sorry things are so difficult for you. I too have made my preferences known and lined up all my affairs as carefully as possible so not to put more on my families shoulders. Just remember your Dads belongings are just things where you and your family have hearts and souls to be treasured. I pulled out what I thought were worth keeping for whatever reason and called a family who make there living at the flea market and let them finish clearing out his storage areas. I haven't missed a thing though I am sure my Dad is shaking his fist at me for being callus! Oh well.....

My Mom with her dementia and not wanting to be alive is emotionally as well as physically taxing. She and my Dad divorced many years ago and her life was not easy.... I always feel as though I should make it up to her somehow...... ? Go figure. Lorikat

AZANNIE
Posts: 371
Joined: Mar 2011

Sorry you have to deal with this - when it rains it pours... my Mom always says, "this too shall pass" and hope this is the case for you. Good luck with your one year scans. I'm a few months ahead of you. Wishing you NED!!!

Ann

sandysp's picture
sandysp
Posts: 734
Joined: May 2011

Dear heart . . . Please go easy on yourself. I find I bleed too every time I am under more stress. I think it's because my system gets more acidic and it just burns me all the way through, but who knows?

Please don't take anything on you can delegate. Your Mom's dementia will continue to surface as anger toward you. You just don't need that, never did, never will.

You and your Mom are in my prayers.

Fondly,
Sandy

Lorikat's picture
Lorikat
Posts: 551
Joined: Jul 2011

Thank you so much. Reaffirmation is always needed in this situation....

sandysp's picture
sandysp
Posts: 734
Joined: May 2011

My mother took it very hard to find herself in Assisted Living. It was a difficult time. But over the years she was there (4) she realized how much she needed to be there. By the time she passed she was at peace with her situation and her children. She was in a place that really helped her with the adjustments. She engaged in almost all of their activities too. She knew all of us to the very end but she didn't remember much of anything else or know where she was. It was a peaceful goodbye. She died a month ago from heart and as a result other major organ failures and I believe my brother, who had to make the decision to place her in Assisted Living a few years back, chose a good place and did the right thing. It's all very difficult though. Please take care of your precious self and know that everything we go through is in God's hands really.

FONDLY,
SANDY

cap630
Posts: 148
Joined: Jul 2011

Sorry to hear you are going through a tough time. We had to place my mother in a skilled nursing home. It is a very hard decision to make, but I was not physically strong enough to take care of her. My father have been in and out of the hosptial as well all summer. It has gotten to the point when I go for a test I am giving my father's birthdate. 5/23/1926 - the women looked at me and said "I don't think so" - that is when I said to myself - you need to take care of you again. Maybe someday it will happen. Good luck. ~Carol

Lorikat's picture
Lorikat
Posts: 551
Joined: Jul 2011

LOL Carol! The other day I was asked dates of surgeries, illnesses etc for myself, and with a blank look on my face I answered "I'm not sure but I CAN give you dates of my MOM's illnesses"!!! The nurses just nodded their heads and said they understand.

mxperry220
Posts: 349
Joined: Mar 2011

Below is a link that may help you in making a decision on a nursing home for your mom. They have a rating system and report of nursing home care.

http://nursing-homes.findthebest.com/

Mike

lizdeli's picture
lizdeli
Posts: 520
Joined: Jul 2009

I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry that you have so much on your plate right now. Some how, some way try to seek some quiet place for yourself so that you can relax even if it's for a day. This is a very stressful time for you and I wish there was something we could do to help. In the meantime sending hugs and good vibes and anxiously awaiting your good news so that we can celebrate your one year NED!
Best,
Liz

mp327's picture
mp327
Posts: 2818
Joined: Jan 2010

I just wanted to tell you that I attended a seminar today put on by my local chapter of the Alzheimer's Association. I am so glad I went, as it gave me lots of good information about the disease and a whole new perspective of what it's like to be an Alzheimer's patient and/or a caregiver to someone with the disease. The speaker was a local woman and she was so very well informed and gave a great presentation. You might get on their website, www.alz.org, and see if there are going to be any such seminars in your area. When I spoke with my mom on the phone tonight, I think our conversation was much easier for me to deal with because of the info I got today. We can not let ourselves feel guilty. That was stressed over and over today. I wish both you and your mom well.

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