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My selfish husband

Mindy123
Posts: 2
Joined: Sep 2012

Hi, I have stage four breast cancer and am waiting to hear about a new brain tumor. My husband has stayed with me for 6 years thru this ordeal. Tonight he made me so mad! He said he is worried that when I die his life will be HORRIBLE and he will have no life. I asked him what he meant and he said he wouldn't have my income. This isn't true my family would help the children and him. I don't know how to react to this statement.
Help!!

I am on Xeloda chemo, 4 mg. Dexamethasone
double mastectomy, gamma knife(2x), oopherectomy,adrenalectomy, craniotomy on the right side of the brain...

ladyg's picture
ladyg
Posts: 1577
Joined: Apr 2010

that you have to deal with something like this on top of everything else. I will keep you in my thoughts for sure.

Hugs,
Georgia

sdukowitz
Posts: 250
Joined: Nov 2011

Prayers.... and remember he is scared too and will probaby apologize with time.... sometimes it is hard to understand all he is going thru too.... hang in there and right now you both need each other... try to stay positiive and talk about your feelings with him praying for you in your treatment and all you are going thru.....Sue D

sdukowitz
Posts: 250
Joined: Nov 2011

Prayers.... and remember he is scared too and will probaby apologize with time.... sometimes it is hard to understand all he is going thru too.... hang in there and right now you both need each other... try to stay positiive and talk about your feelings with him praying for you in your treatment and all you are going thru.....Sue D

Pinky68's picture
Pinky68
Posts: 206
Joined: Jul 2012

so bad right now.....We are here for you anytime you want to vent and share!!

Prayers,
Joyce

hope4thebest's picture
hope4thebest
Posts: 108
Joined: Aug 2012

Hi Mindy,
Maybe your husband should try a support group? They have caretakers' groups out there. Obviously, he is having a hard time articulating his thoughts and fears. Let the dust settle and maybe tell him, when you are ready, that he upset you. If he's not able to go there, journal it, if you can write out what you'd like him to understand.
I'm glad you have such a close family, to know they are there for support is a huge reassurance. Prayers, hugs and aloha,
Annie

New Flower
Posts: 4028
Joined: Aug 2009

Mindy
I am sorry . I am stage IV on Xeloda
It is hard to hear when husband says such a stupid and insensitive words.
Ask for counseling at your cancer center or referrals from your oncologist
Hugs

Kristin N's picture
Kristin N
Posts: 1969
Joined: Mar 2009

I'm so sorry. I think if your husband could get into a support group, it might help him to better express his feelings and to make him realize what you are going through now. I think they just get so scared of losing us to this horrible disease that sometimes they don't think when they open their mouths. Wishing you good luck and sending prayers.

bluwillo
Posts: 113
Joined: May 2010

and they sure as heck don't communicate like women do!

Chances are very good that your husband is scared. He just opened his mouth and let whatever was sitting in his mind fall out. No filters. If he tried to take it back, let him. Most men don't know how to cope with us gals when we're just "at that time of the month", let alone cancer.

I never knew how scared my husband was until it was over. I mean, I could see it in his eyes, but he never said anything. Soooo..I had to be the strong one.

Maybe your hubby needs to talk to someone (whathtehell, he NEEDS to talk to someone!)

does he treat you well otherwise? If the answer is yes, then this outburst can probably be worked thru. If he's not supportive (as in helping take care of you, trying to be cheerful for you, etc.) well, then....couples counseling or the door.

But really, if he apologizes for his thoughtlessness, give him a chance. Remember, this stupid disease affects the whole family in different ways. Good luck and good thoughts for you.

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5385
Joined: Oct 2010

wow I am so sorry you had to hear such a comment.

Perhaps he is just scared and not thinking when he spoke...

not an excuse for him...just trying to figure it out like you..

Thinking of you

Denise

deerello
Posts: 22
Joined: Mar 2012

I kind of agree that your husband may not know how to deal with this. Are things okay otherwise? My hubby has never been what you would call warm and fuzzy, definately not a big talker or sharer of feelings. I think he is getting depressed; it is hard for him because he hates my whole situation and feels helpless cause he can't "fix" it. I wish my husband would talk to someone, but he won't. Maybe yours can and will. Good Luck! And in closing, I think (this may seem hard to believe) in some ways our cancer is just as hard on the people that love us.

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5385
Joined: Oct 2010

checking back in...

Deerello: I agree with you...my husband is caring and kinds but when surgies etc...he is not helpful (wait on me or asist) his mom was never one to nurture so may just not be in him..other wise great guy. I must say I was vcry hurt and cried a lot that he did not help..my 20 yr old daughter helped me shower, change dressings, went to store etc..

sending good thoughts..

Denise

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