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7th chemo tomorrow, and you know how I am...

rallendorfer
Posts: 245
Joined: May 2012

a beast! I am an irritable beast! I am going to ask the Oncologist about continuing. This is do-able right? like surgery without anesthesia or maybe root canal in a back alley? This has been the worst one yet and today I feel like I did after the Neulasta shot and I didn't get one this last time. And its been 3 weeks since the last chemo.

I've come this far. I should keep trucking on. I don't feel like a "fighter" like most of you are. I just don't feel anything at all, just sick. I am not kicking anything's butt, it is kicking mine.

:-(

VickiSam's picture
VickiSam
Posts: 8423
Joined: Aug 2009

Mustard up all your strength, and courage -- and proceed to the that finish line.

Maybe you can be candid with your Onco and ask if your dosage be decreased, and maybe you can come in more frequently. Ask him/her for suggestion -- what have others done? What does his clinical research/trials show? Tell him plain and simple -- you want to complete treatment -- however, you are having horrific side efforts that are lingering on ... You need his guidance ... and professional advise.

Let us know .. what happens, okay?

Strength, Courage and HOPE for a Cure.

Vicki Sam

bluwillo
Posts: 113
Joined: May 2010

entirely understandable bad day. But you're still fighting! Yeah, it's like you're shooting BBs and the cancer has the 50 cal (that's one big azzed machine gun)...but that's just for today. Tomorrow, you'll have your shotgun and just blow that crap away (see the visuals? if you're a gun person, you're sayin' 'darn straight', if you're not, you're just laughing. either way, you're fighting.

Keep fighting. It's ok to get despondent, it's part of the game. I do have a rather well-used pitty pot that I can send you...but just for a bit. I need it too!

And if all else fails, just get some sleep. And dream wonderful dreams. Sometimes I take ambien, and I have the best, funniest dreams :)

Keep on truckin', sistah!

salls41's picture
salls41
Posts: 340
Joined: Apr 2012

Rebecca, the chemo side effects are cumulative and yes you feel worse and worse with each one. But you are almost done sweet lady!! Yes, you may have to take a few weeks off from work and give in and rest with this. I assure you that you will not get fired. You have said yourself that your boss is supportive. You are fighting hard and winning!! Start taking care of yourself!!! Grab a puppy dog, a big glass of water and lay down and rest! And if you do lose your job maybe then that isn't the job for you and there is a better one waiting! To hell with everything else happening around you right now, this is your time to take care of you! I agree that if you talk to your oncologist, maybe you can decrease the dose a bit if he feels it will help. I felt like you on my 5th treatment moving into my 6th, I just didn't feel like I could take one more drop of that poison. I know how you feel, we all do...but YOU CAN DO THIS, if you take the time to take care of yourself as you go through it.
sending you {{{{{hugs}}}}} I wish I could be there to give them to you and rub your head and talk quietly about what life holds after cancer.......
Sandy

ESDC
Posts: 43
Joined: Sep 2012

Hey, you have every right to be as irritable as you want. You may not believe this right now but the strength of spirit in your post proves you do have the strength to cope with this.

Sending you hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

Love and hugs
xxx

AngieD's picture
AngieD
Posts: 504
Joined: Sep 2011

Becky, you CAN do these last 2 rounds--you've come so far!! Please, just do it--with a little help. Chemo does get progressively worse, but you don't want to get down the road and regret not finishing. Please take all the drugs prescribed for you to your pharmacist and have them tell you how to use which ones for the specific symptoms you're having. Talk to your oncologist about what would help. For my last 2 Taxol treatments I got IV fluids and extra dexamethasone and that really helped. Arrange for a little leave of absence from work. Get an order for that from your doc. Please do whatever it takes to get you through this. You will feel so good and proud of yourself when you make it through.
Love,
Angie

missrenee's picture
missrenee
Posts: 2137
Joined: Apr 2010

You're almost there--the light is definitely visible at the end of the tunnel. You're doing it--right now--you're doing it and soon it will be done. Here is a quote that I loved that helped get me through:

"Courage isn't always a loud roar. Sometimes courage is a quiet voice at the end of the day that says, "I will try again tomorrow."

Keep on keeping on.

I'm sending all the positive vibes and prayers I can to help you.

Hugs, Renee

MAJW
Posts: 2515
Joined: May 2009

Even with what you're dealing with, you have kept your sense of humor...I love the back alley root canal! I make fun of myself all the time...before anyone else has the chance.....lol......we use my bald head as a night light.......if I lose my sense of humor, I'm toast....

Hang on sweetie...better days are coming....blue skies instead of dark clouds...Would you refresh my chemo, radiated brain and tell me again what the clinical trial drugs you are receiving? I was in a clinical trial last year....

Hugs, Nancy

jamiegww's picture
jamiegww
Posts: 384
Joined: Dec 2009

I think I know how you feel because I decided I couldn't handle the side effects after just two chemo infusions so I canceled my third infusion last Thursday. Now I feel like such a failure because, being stage IV, I really can't afford to quit. I will be seeing my onc this afternoon and I really dread that appointment because I think she will be really hard on me and I still don't feel, what I consider to be, good. I don't want you to feel like a failure so if you can hold on a little longer please do so. I pray that your side effects ease up and you get to feeling better.

HUGS!!!
Jamie

rallendorfer
Posts: 245
Joined: May 2012

After a long talk with the Oncologist it was decided that I have a mammogram and ultrasound right away to see if a lumpectomy were possible now (if the lumps had shrunk enough). BS was there and examined me too. I go to see him on Thursday and surgery will be scheduled ASAP. He sounded like a mastectomy was not out of the question, so I am trying to prepare myself.

Jamie, I am not stage IV and I am more concerned than you know that you stay with it. I hear the discouragement in your post, and hope that you can find that life line of hope to do what it takes to live. I understand so much how you feel too!!!! Thanks for sending over encouraging words to me. I am wishing I could help you too. We are like two people with broken legs leaning on each other for support on the good leg! I hope your visit was peaceful with your onc today and you gained some strength.

Love to all of the pink sisters,
Rebecca

RE's picture
RE
Posts: 4630
Joined: Feb 2004

Hi Rebecca I just saw this post so I am a bit late. I know chemo can be so taxing on our bodies at times I am sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time of it. Glad you were able to have a good discussion with your doctor and that they have decided to take a different course of treatment for the time being. I agree with these ladies you are a survivor, warrior, fighter and you are kicking its butt even if it feels like that is not so. You are enduring the treatments and the treatments are killing the cancer, take it one treatment at a time, do not hesitate to call your doctor anytime you feel things are not right, you are too tired, you are in pain or for whatever reason...cancer is not like most illnesses we need to be in close contact with our doctors telling them exactly how we are feeling and expressing our needs at all times! Please keep us posted and let us know how your dr. apt goes on Thursday.

Hugs,

RE

jamiegww's picture
jamiegww
Posts: 384
Joined: Dec 2009

I hope you can get on with the lumpectomy or mastectomy. In my case, I had surgery before chemo but I've noticed that doctors do things differently. Obviously, having surgery first didn't keep my cancer from returning. Now I wonder if having chemo first might have done better for me but we will always have those "what ifs" won't we?

My visit with the onc went well, I think. I am scheduled to get chemo this Friday with the dose reduced by 25% and I won't be taking the Xeloda pills this time. I have a prescription for Fentanyl patch to hopefully manage the bone and joint pain. I'm scared that I will have really bad side effects again but if that happens, the onc will most likely switch to another chemo. She said she started out with something strong so she could stop the cancer growth before it got out of control. It was nice to know she didn't consider it out of control but I kind of reminded her that it had to kill the cancer without killing me in the process. Yes we can definitely hold each other up until we both have two strong legs to stand on. I'm sorry we are both suffering so much but it's nice to know there's someone out there who knows how it feels because the doctors just don't get it. I asked my onc if she has ever been told by a patient that they felt like something was sucking the lifeforce out of them. She once again went back to insisting that it was due to depression so I gave up on that.

Good luck to you and keep fighting! Hopefully you will be feeling better very soon.

HUGS!!!
Jamie

MsGebby's picture
MsGebby
Posts: 659
Joined: Oct 2011

(to myself) this song. Bridge over Troubled Waters

The words are soothing for me. I know my treatment was relatively easy compared to your treatments. BUT I believe you are a trooper and will get through this and be singing your own song. I am happy to hear that your doctor is feeling confident that that you can go ahead with the surgery due to the chemo working.

Keep on keeping on sister!

sending love and hugs,
Mary

VickiSam's picture
VickiSam
Posts: 8423
Joined: Aug 2009

Thinking about you today .. and keeping you close to my heart, and in prayers.
Good luck .. and let us know -- what has be decided.

Strength, Courage and HOPE for a Cure.

Vicki Sam

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