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To the most wonderful people in the world.........

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

I restarted chemo 3 weeks ago because of tumor regrowth where surgery was performed in 2010 in the upper left lobe...The chemo Folfiri with avastin makes me so sick that i am still sick from infusion a week ago tuesday. I am suppose to start infusion again next tuesday but have had deep talks with the wife about quality of life that i am no longer doing chemo. It is not something that has been decided lightly. It is something however that I did a lot of praying over, a lot of what ifs but ultimately with no surgery options or curable status as long as possibleI am going to get through this sick round and start feeling better then live as free and fun and as a loving husband and father for as long as possible. I now have hospice in house and they will be here for now once a week and are available at any time when we need them medically, or for social workers for family members issues berievement etc. They are all amazing. I hope that everyone is doing fine and I will keep all of you with me...I will also be with each of you as you were and are with me .....Thank you all for everything each of you do for each other everyday and the friends I have had here through every facet of our lives. Love to all........buzz

Dyanclark's picture
Dyanclark
Posts: 254
Joined: Apr 2012

My husband is the one with cancer and I lost a 32 year old nephew to cancer in 2009. I think all who go thru these treatments are very brave people. The treatments can be really rough.

Dyanclark's picture
Dyanclark
Posts: 254
Joined: Apr 2012

My husband is the one with cancer and I lost a 32 year old nephew to cancer in 2009. I think all who go thru these treatments are very brave people. The treatments can be really rough.

Dyanclark's picture
Dyanclark
Posts: 254
Joined: Apr 2012

My husband is the one with cancer and I lost a 32 year old nephew to cancer in 2009. I think all who go thru these treatments are very brave people. The treatments can be really rough.

Fight for my love
Posts: 1307
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi Buzz,I have been looking forward to your post just like others.I am happy to see you here.
I really can't thank you enough for all of your wonderful supports when I had my darkest days in life.Thanks for sharing what is happening now.I wish the best to you and your family.Take care.

RickMurtagh's picture
RickMurtagh
Posts: 530
Joined: Feb 2010

grrrrr, I mean hi, Buzz. It is good to hear from you even if it is not good news. I go away for just a short while and I am greeted with all kinds of ill tidings. I am just glad you are at peace with your decision. That makes all the difference.

best wishes and peace

Rick

RickMurtagh's picture
RickMurtagh
Posts: 530
Joined: Feb 2010

dupe

tanstaafl's picture
tanstaafl
Posts: 963
Joined: Oct 2010

With a little luck ole Buzzard will be a tough old bird circling the sun for a long time, keeping the nestlings well fed.

sharpy102's picture
sharpy102
Posts: 338
Joined: Apr 2009

oh my gosh, Buzz!!! I am going to be very selfish here, but don't ever do this again! :( I missed you so much, and was wondering what happened with my online dad. Seriously!!! You are the primary reason I decided to stick around here. I love everyone else, so please people, don't take this as an offense. But Buzz, you helped me soooooo much during the darkest state of my life. Please, don't leave again. And while I'm reading your news, I know you can win this over. You are strong! You are my role model! You'll bounce back. Go over to the mirror, look into it, and then make the decisions and tell cancer "YOU ARE NOT TAKING ME ANYWHERE, BUDDY!"
Oh I missed you so much! I am so happy I came up online today. Please, please, I want to keep in touch with you! You're an awesome person, and I was soooo sad and disappointed that you have disappeared...and while my brain knows, everyone needs a break, my heart is very selfish and wants you to be here! I missed you a lot! You have no idea! Thank you so much for coming back and leaving a note....please don't give up on us. We love you all!
Hugs to you!
- Sophie

menright's picture
menright
Posts: 248
Joined: Oct 2008

Buzzard

Sorry to your news. Your decision is one I too might face. I wish you well and will pray for a miracle for you.

Mike

lesvanb's picture
lesvanb
Posts: 907
Joined: May 2008

You were one of the first here on CSN to welcome me and council me. I will never forget your gentleness and wisdom and kindness. Of course your news saddens me, but as we all know dealing with cancer is an unpredictable path, and best to live each moment, each day well. I hope you can go fishing a lot.

Much love, Leslie

plh4gail's picture
plh4gail
Posts: 1232
Joined: Oct 2010

I love you and everything you have done for me on this crazy site. I have missed you very much and wish you days, weeks, months, and years of love and laughter with your family!

Love and hugs to you and yours, Gail

Kathryn_in_MN's picture
Kathryn_in_MN
Posts: 1258
Joined: Sep 2009

Hi Clift!

I'm so glad you posted an update. I understand quality vs quantity and the fine line. I know you've made a tough decision.

I want to throw an option your way, and please don't take it as pushing or saying I don't think you should stop chemo if that is your choice. Sometimes it doesn't have to be all or nothing. If it comes down to FOLFOX again for me, I "may" try it again one or two cycles to see if I can possibly tolerate it again, but maybe not. I spent the majority of 7 months wishing I were dead on that combo.

When it comes to FOLFIRI, I won't do it.

I am doing just Irinotecan (plus the new drug Zaltrap which is like Avastin). Irinotecan is no picnic, but it is MUCH easier to tolerate for me than adding in the 5-FU, physically and mentally. Just an idea if you want to try it - and if you do I would highly suggest getting Atropine at infusion time - made a TON of difference for me today with side effects - took care of stomach cramps, diarrhea, excess saliva, and runny nose, and in turn that lessened my nausea a lot too. My onc knows how awful my side effects get with 5-FU added in, and agrees he won't push me to do it, even though using Irinotecan alone is going off-label, as is using Xaltrap with Irinotecan rather than FOLFIRI.

Enjoy your days getting as you feel better recovering from those FOLFIRI rounds. Please stop by to say hello now and then.

geotina's picture
geotina
Posts: 2056
Joined: Oct 2009

I'm just catching up. George is on somewhat the same combo as you but no 5FU. I call that stuff the devil in a bag. He gets it weekly and it does make him so very sick and the diarrhea and gas keeps him housebound many days. For now, he chooses to stay on the stuff.

I know your decision was not made lightly and without deep thought. Each of us charts their path. No path is right and no path is wrong. Do you remember Paula G.? Her hubby was JR. Both of them posted on here. I am still in contact with Paula weekly. Her JR made the same decision you are making, after a few chemos he said no more and Paula honored his decision putting her own feelings aside. They had many wonderful, wonderful days together. After JR's death Paula did tell me that it was the right decision for JR, he handled it in his own way and time, just as you are doing.

Wishing you peace and comfort in your journey ahead.

Take care - Tina

pcs1453's picture
pcs1453
Posts: 76
Joined: Dec 2008

It's all been said from so many before me, you've touched so many of our lives. I haven't been on line much and was doing a little catching up. Your news is not what I wanted to see but I understand your decision. I hope you are feeling better and will have quality time with your family and friends. Clift, I am praying for you and will always remember your encouraging words and support of my fight.

Love & Hugs,
Paula

sharpy102's picture
sharpy102
Posts: 338
Joined: Apr 2009

Hey Buzz:

Just wondering...how are you? A month passed by that you posted...keep up is the loop! We miss you here!
Hugs to you!

sharpy102's picture
sharpy102
Posts: 338
Joined: Apr 2009

Hey Buzz:

Just wondering...how are you? A month passed by that you posted...keep up is the loop! We miss you here!
Hugs to you!
- Sophie

sharpy102's picture
sharpy102
Posts: 338
Joined: Apr 2009

sorry for the repeat...I like to read myself more than once...;) just kidding! But I have no idea how I can delete one of them...sorry!
- Sophie

LOUSWIFT
Posts: 360
Joined: Aug 2006

Hi Buzz

I waiting for test results on a possible 3rd cancer and will need to make a decision along the lines you have made. My Dad taught me there is always a place in heaven for men of honor who act with courage to help others. You have done that on this board. He was not a religious man but I found him to be right more often than wrong. Good life best wishes Lou

Phil64's picture
Phil64
Posts: 435
Joined: Apr 2012

wishing you the best quality days you can have with your wife and family!

God Bless you.

Phil

traci43's picture
traci43
Posts: 432
Joined: Jul 2007

buzz - You've been an inspiration to myself and others. I can tell you've thought about this and I hope you get some high quality time with your loved ones. You're in my thoughts and prayres. Best to you and your family, Traci

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