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BarefootBob's picture
BarefootBob
Posts: 72
Joined: May 2012

Hello all,

I am sorry I have been away for awhile but I had some complications and lumps were found near my belly button and up near my left breast. I have to go into the hospital again tomorrow for a bit of a stay and more test. I have been struggling with the radiation. I am in more pain than i ever thought. I am not sleeping well and losing a lot of weight. I am down to 143 lbs.

My oncologist is hoping that these lumps are just possibly MRSA. I have been vomiting just about ever day that I receive the bolus treatments with the towel. The good news is that i can still get my treatments every morning during my stay so i get this over with asap.
My wife has been so supportive but my doctor thinks i may need some professional help as well - to talk, he thinks i am depressed.

I dont know what to do about this other than to say it is more about the bills pilling up and my insurance is only about 50% of my income. It is taking a toll on me mentally struggling to support my family. I didnt expect to be out of work so long and now it looks like it will be at least November when I may return.

I still come to read posts every day, to give me strength, but have not had to guts to post. I know I am not alone but it feels that way while i am here at my house all day.

Thank you all for keeping me on the positive side, knowing this will all be over soon, and I will let you all know what I find out with my tests as soon as i know.

Thank you my brave warriors,
Much Love,

Bob

katenorwood
Posts: 1804
Joined: May 2012

Bob,
I am pulling for you to have a brighter day real soon ! You know it's o.k. to reach out for help. Financially, talk with your providers or a social worker at the hospital and clinics you're working with. They are more understanding than we give them credit for, and there is help with these issues. I was the main bread earner here as my husband is disabled. It's not an easy trip, on top of just getting better ! I will be praying for you and the family. Reaching out for the emotional end of things...man that's an issue that only you can fix. Realizing sometimes we have to give it over to someone else is really tough on us. Remember you have us all maybe helps some. Warmest regards, Katie

hwt's picture
hwt
Posts: 1824
Joined: Jun 2012

So sorry you have been dealt such a tough hand. Depression won't help your recovery so I encourage you to take the doctor's advice for medication or therapy. It is very treatable so why wouldn't you address it? If left untreated, it can be very serious. As for the finances, I worked in collections for 20+ years. The major creditor I worked for basically blew off medical collections when making credit decisions. I believe if you can come to terms with the worst that could possibly happen financially, you can deal with it. November isn't that far away and today your physical and mental health should be top priority. My heart goes out to you.

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8052
Joined: Sep 2009

Bob, don't ever think of yourself being alone...

I can pretty much gurantee there's always someone on here to offer you support nearly anytime you need it.

Keep hammering them out....

You are in GroundHog Days, like the movie...same thing everyday, after day, after day, after day....

JG

CivilMatt's picture
CivilMatt
Posts: 2807
Joined: May 2012

Hi Bob,

When it rains it pours. You are getting closer to the finish, just hang in there. I went back and read our conversations around the 4th of July. Not to butt in or anything, but maybe a phone call to one of your brothers might help to cheer you up (if they are not the cheering up sort of guys forget I said anything).

Just hoping the best for you and your family, once you get through this c_ _ _, you can heal and get back to normal.

Hang in there buddy,

Matt

ToBeGolden's picture
ToBeGolden
Posts: 697
Joined: Aug 2010

I remember being in the middle of the radiation treatment. Those middle days were the absolute worse. They are psychologically depressing because it seems that the treatment will never end. They are also physically depressing because that is the side effect of the radiation and pain-meds (and chemo). Things will lighten as you approach you final treatment day. For most of us, the last day is positively euphoric, in spite of being totally beat up. Rick.

fisrpotpe's picture
fisrpotpe
Posts: 1317
Joined: Aug 2010

i am so slow :-) ... i want to be just like John.

i was going to use the heading NEVER ALONE and mr. speedster in the boat got there first.

you will never be alone with this family at CSN, weather we are on line on this wonderful site our hearts are with anyone and everyone here who are fighting the war or caregiving to the fighters. we are just not physically in the same room as you.

having a positive mental attitude is 70-80% of winning the war.

go Bob go

john

nick770's picture
nick770
Posts: 195
Joined: May 2012

Hang in there you have most of your rads done. I agree with fisrpotpe having a positive attitude will help u win

Grandmax4's picture
Grandmax4
Posts: 577
Joined: Dec 2011

done, but, try to put your finacial woories aside, and concentrate on getting well. I would pay absolutly what you need , rent or mortgage, electric,water, phone, groceries, family needs...the rest can wait. I would contact each debtor and explain the situation so they'll not just think you're blowing them off. Speak to the finacial person at the Hospital, asking for help is not a sign of weakness or mismanagement, bad things happen to good people everyday. I so wish I was wealthy, I would help so many .

When I was in the hospital, I asked to speak to a counselor because I was feeling so guilty and depressed ,thinking my life style had caused my family so much worry, she made me feel so much better, and my Dr then put me on an antidepressent. I no longer smoke 11 months, and spend as much time as possible with my family .

Stay strong

VivianLee5689's picture
VivianLee5689
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2012

My heart goes out to you. It is so hard when everything seems to happen at once, but thankfully as so many have said already you are not alone. As for the depressive attitude it is understandable; however, don't let it start controlling you. Depression is treatable and getting rid of one extra worry is a good thing. I always try to listen to my doctor since I pay them so much money (Lol). I will say an extra prayer for you. May God bless and keep you. The journey may be hard, but you are NOT alone.

ditto1
Posts: 630
Joined: Mar 2012

that this is a tough time you are going thru. I agree with others take care of your self right now, the medical bills will work themselves out, there are no Debtor Prisons anymore plus Hospitals charge so much I think they know they will not collect everything. I know you will get back to work and when you are NED a year or two out you will look back and see hey we did it. So you hang in there get those RADS behind you and keep us up to date. Never hesitate to post, shoot I need something to read each day.

Billie67's picture
Billie67
Posts: 834
Joined: Jul 2012

YOu are feeling so badly. You are at the hardest part of radiation, that middle area when you think it will never end. I remember barely being able to get up and get dressed to go to my appts. My home nurse for my PEG detected some depression and got the dr to call in some anti depressants. I did take them for a while and it seemed to help with my spirits. As for finances, yikes! I haven't worked since March and I should go back to work in 2 weeks but my first dozen or so pay checks are already spoken for. I think most of us can relate to what you are going thru. I promise you it will get better. While this treatment is so successful it is also hard, lengthly and tiresome.
I pray you will find answers and comfort.
Billie

BarefootBob's picture
BarefootBob
Posts: 72
Joined: May 2012

Thank you, i was having a really bad day and just needed to vent. My parents ame over tonight and hung out for awhile. It is hard to say you are afraid but it is ok. You all continue to get me thru each day.

God Bless,

Bob

phrannie51's picture
phrannie51
Posts: 3601
Joined: Mar 2012

and I find out you're having a really tough time emotionally as well as physically. DO allow the Doc's to work with you on the depression....taking meds to help move you thru it is good...doesn't change the fact that the bills are there, but it doesn't allow them to completely take over your life. As Kent would say...."YOU ARE GOING TO GET THRU THIS!!!! So get used to it" :). You might as well concentrate on getting well....and getting SLEEP is a huge part of that. Do you have Lorazapam (Ativan)?? Think about using it at night...it's just relaxes you, and lets you drift off to sleep.

I'm going to tell you something....lack of hydration is a sure fire way of getting sick....but lack of sleep makes everything we go thru, both emtionally and physically that much more trying....I just had to re-experience that again this last week...teach myself a lesson I already know...I felt like crap, and once I realized I was not sleeping as long or as much as I needed, I started the Ativan....in ONE day how I felt went from a 3 to a 7.

We're all cheering you on, Bob....and we think of you....take care of your self (priority number 1!!)

p

VanessaSLO's picture
VanessaSLO
Posts: 280
Joined: Jul 2012

Yes, sometimes, especially in the middle of tx it seems like this is never going to end. My dad is almost finished now with his treatment, but... I think right now he is coping only with surviving those side effects and he hardly waits for Wednesday for everything to end. But it IS manageable, you CAN come to the end and then finally start to recover. My Dad also felt bad due to all those pain and anti-nausea meds. Those drugs help you in one area and "kills" you in other. But soon there is a light in the end of this tunnel! It will be for all of us, I strongly believe it! Blessings to you!!

Tim6003's picture
Tim6003
Posts: 1490
Joined: Nov 2011

I never did need it but I was told to fill out the paperwork and apply anyway ...SSI is there for H&N patients....it's considered one of the fast track approvals and I am told it is good for 16 months when approved...of course there is still the 6 month waiting period no matter what ...but let's say your healing time takes longer than expected..getting the paperwork in and done is jut a back-up plan if needed...

Also..there is an insurance plan out there now that is part of the new healthcare reform (don't know what you have) ..most institutions will know about it ..some may not ...it's called PCIP (Pre-existing Condition Insurance Plan) ..the plan does cost $300 a month (there abouts) but has low deductibles and once met, covers everything with the treatment of H&N ...(does not cover dental I am told) ....

You are never alone Bob...it was good to hear from you ...but I am sorry you have some bumps in the road ....

Keep us posted...whispered a prayer things get better and no more bumps and the ones you have will smooth out!!!

Tim

Tim6003's picture
Tim6003
Posts: 1490
Joined: Nov 2011

I meant to tell you I had a terrible time with my treatments ...lated from November 20 2011 to January 20 2012 because I had an awful time with Erbitux and radiation ..uggh the pain was terrible!! Take a look at the picture of my neck on my expressions page ...

I don't share this with you to "one up you" ....just to let you know it does and will get better ...at my worst I took 6-7 Narco a day, advil as needed and wore two pain patches of Fentynal (which I am told is 80% or times stronger than morphine)...if that' true..wow.

Best,

Tim

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