Sep 05, 2012 - 3:16 pm
My husband has terminal lung cancer. He is exhausted, and has huge anxieties about urgently needing to get to pee, and has really bad "depression". We don't think it is depression. We think it is very weird wiring in his head related to OCD. Anyway, for all the things he sees as problems, or that make him depressed and anxious, there are simple solutions. Given that he is going to get worse, and not better or even stay the same, I cannot get him to accept help to make his life easier. To say this is frustrating is a complete understatement. They say no man is an island. Well he certainly thinks he is.
Sometimes I get in such a rage that I want to burst. I am learning to turn this energy into being proactive - which I have done today. He chooses to make life difficult. It's hard to watch.
On top of all this, my son is getting married in Sydney, Australia, and I will be the sole member of the family from the UK. I leave on 10th October. So you can imagine the pressure I am under to get things in place. Regardless of his state of health, I AM GOING. I am resigned to the idea that he might die in my absence. Before I go I will have made plans for his funeral etc, and my daughter will attend to everything.
We all thought he would have passed by now, to be honest. He is the world's greatest struggler in life, and he seems to be the world's greatest struggler in death.
What can I do? (this is a rhetorical question!).