Sep 02, 2012 - 2:58 pm
Hi. I am new to this world of breast cancer. I am 34 years old. I found my lump myself and already had a yearly exam with my gyno scheduled. When I asked at my appointment he referred me to a cancer surgeon. She took and ultrasound in the office and said she didn't believe it was cancer. I had surgery to remove the lump and the pathology came back as stage 1 cancer. I was completely blown away. I then went for a mammogram and an MRI. I then had a second surgery to place my chemo port and have lumpectomy done and clean up the margins. I start chemo in a week and a half and I went ahead and got my wig this weekend. I thought it would have been a fun experience to be able to pick out a style and color. To my suprise it wasn't fun at all, in fact I ended up crying. My oncologist suggested shaving my head before my hair falls out because it is so long. He said with it shaved I have less chance of it clogging my drains and it's not as messy when it does fall out. I keep having an argument with myself trying to convince myself to shave my head and I can't bring myself to do it. I thought about waiting until it falls out naturally but then I have to face the public that I work with with a balding head. I thought if I do it this while I am still off from work recovering from my second surgery I can take this time to cry and get used to wearing the wig and get myself pulled together before going back to work. I need some help with this decision. What did you do? Did anyone else have this tug of war with themselves? I am not looking forward to chemo but that is just a thought right now and hasn't hit home yet. It will probably hit me a day or two before my appointment and I'm probably going to hit the floor and be in and crying heap on the floor. I have so many feelings running through me. My family has been great with helping me through this as they have been down this road before with another member. Everyone at work keeps saying the words, "you can do this, you're a fighter" some days I just want to scream because they are always the same words. I know they don't know how to handle my news or know what to say. I'm glad they are there to support me. I shouldn't complain then I feel guilty for doing so. Does anyone else have these mixed feelings? Sometimes I catch myself wondering if my husband will remarry when I'm gone then I shake my head and say out loud to myself, "you're not going anywhere". Once again, does anyone else feel this way in the beginning? I just don't know how to handle some of the thoughts and feelings that I am feeling. I need someone to talk to that can realate to what I am going through.