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garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

Burma Shave

REMEMBER THESE ? ? ?
>
> For those who never saw any of the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick lesson in our history
> of the 1930's, 40s, and '50's. Before there were interstates,
> when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads,
> Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers' fields.
> They were small red signs with white letters.
> Five signs about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line couplet......
> and the obligatory 5th sign advertising BurmaShave, a popular shaving cream.
> Here are more of the actual signs:
>
> DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW
> OUT SO FAR
> IT MAY GO HOME
> IN ANOTHER CAR.
> BurmaShave
>
> TRAINS DON'T WANDER
> ALL OVER THE MAP
> 'CAUSE NOBODY SITS
> IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP
> BurmaShave
>
> SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
> BY MISTAKE
> SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
> HER HUSBAND JAKE
> BurmaShave
>
> DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
> TO GAIN A MINUTE
> YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
> YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
> Burma Shave
>
> DROVE TOO LONG
> DRIVER SNOOZING
> WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
> IS NOT AMUSING
> BurmaShave
>
>
> BROTHER SPEEDER
> LET'S REHEARSE
> ALL TOGETHER
> GOOD MORNING, NURSE
> BurmaShave
>
> CAUTIOUS RIDER
> TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
> LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
> AND A LITTLE MORE STEER
> BurmaShave
>
> SPEED WAS HIGH
> WEATHER WAS HOT
> TIRES WERE THIN
> X MARKS THE SPOT
> BurmaShave
>
> AROUND THE CURVE
> LICKETY-SPLIT
> BEAUTIFUL CAR
> WASN'T IT?
> BurmaShave
>
> NO MATTER THE PRICE
> NO MATTER HOW NEW
> THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
> IN THE CAR IS YOU
> BurmaShave
>
> A GUY WHO DRIVES
> A CAR WIDE OPEN
> IS NOT THINKIN'
> HE'S JUST HOPIN'
> BurmaShave
>
> AT INTERSECTIONS
> LOOK EACH WAY
> A HARP SOUNDS NICE
> BUT IT'S HARD TO PLAY
> BurmaShave
>
> BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
> EYES ON THE ROAD
> THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
> DRIVER'S CODE
> BurmaShave
> THE ONE WHO DRIVES
> WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING
> DEPENDS ON YOU
> TO DO HIS THINKING
> BurmaShave
> CAR IN DITCH
> DRIVER IN TREE
> THE MOON WAS FULL
> AND SO WAS HE.
> BurmaShave
> PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
> TAKE IT SLOW
> LET OUR LITTLE
> SHAVERS GROW
> BurmaShave
> CATTLE CROSSING
> MEANS GO SLOW
> THAT OLD BULL
> IS SOME COW'S BEAU
> Burma Shave
>
>
> Do these bring back any old memories?
> If not, you're merely a child.
> If they do - then you're old as dirt... (like me)
e

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

Gary, I guess your sensors were bound to pick it up but your TV Censors weren't! [Forgive an old pedant?]

I don't know how Alice's innocence could have escaped you for so long (perhaps I'd better re-word that) but I guess you do live in Michigan. To her, beaver means a beautiful wild creature because she's into animals (perhaps I'd better re-word that as well - oh I give up!).

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went' bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"

The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

My point exactly Gary - you're just an animal!

alice124's picture
alice124
Posts: 860
Joined: Mar 2012

Gary - I really do know a CUTE dog sex commentary/joke. But I'll never tell it now. The Beav flash of your mind in motion has convinced me--if I were to tell it--you would be soooooooo underwhelmed.

We may be at a good point to start a Friday Funnies #3!

P.S. OMG! John just walked in and I started to read him this thread. When I got to WARD, he said "oh yea, Beav's father" aka "a little hard on the Beav last night."

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

Obviously you were right about Mars and Venus! Q.E.D.

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

Obviously you were right about Mars and Venus! Q.E.D.

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