CSN Login
Members Online: 10

The Silence

virtual_voyager
Posts: 34
Joined: Jun 2010

is relentless.

The sounds of a home are long gone. Friends and family have gone back to their lives. The love that lived here is fading and now it's just a house.

The memories are here but they have become muted without her voice to remind me of what was. Nine months without the sound of her laughter.

I try desperately to do what she wished and wanted for me to live a happy life. Sometimes it feels like her last wish for me to be happy has become a curse. How do I live happily when all my happiness was derived from her? Nothing before her made me happy and nothing or no one can ever give me the feeling of contentment, worth, desire and satisfaction in life as being with her has done.

I miss the warmth that rushed through my cheeks when she cupped her hands to my face. Feeling her stretch up on tiptoes to hug me around my neck. The sound of her footsteps throughout the day.

The human heart was not meant for this kind of hurt.

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Hey, I know how you feel. My husband passed away 2 &1/2 years ago and I still have an empty feeling. Today is gloomy & rainy and that makes making it through the day harder. I'm trying to watch TV but keep looking over to the love seat where he sat and wish he could still be here with me. We were married 46 years when he died & he was only sick for 2 months.
I have 3 kids, but they are busy with their families so don't like bothering them on weekends. Love them all and have lots of friends, but still miss my love too.
It does get easier, but the emptiness will always be here as will the memories of him.
Good luck!

Noellesmom
Posts: 1275
Joined: Aug 2010

I agree, VV. The human heart was never meant for such. My faith says God designed a beautiful world, perfect in every since, and gave it to Adam and Eve and their poor choices led directly to the pain you feel over the loss of your wife today. We were meant to live in perpetual happiness with our loved ones here on this Earth. Their mistake caused pain and death. In Heaven, we will be together again.

Not meaning the prosletyze: just saying I agree with you. It is too much pain when we are separated from our loved ones and I don't believe it was ever God's intent.

What to do until we are with them again? That's the personal choice part. Hard as it is, life pulls us along, unevenly now as we bear the yoke alone. Just like any unwanted to chore, we pull against it, defeating ourselves.

Life is still beautiful, no doubt there are still people who still care about you and you will find happiness again. That you shared a time in your life with someone who loved you so deeply and who you obviously loved, too, is a wonderful blessing, not a curse.

Each of us walks this walk in our own way: be gentle with yourself and remember to exhale. You will, quite naturally, inhale but remember to exhale, too.

Hugs.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1611
Joined: Aug 2009

I can certainly relate to what you are saying. I am almost three years out now and my pain has mellowed, yet the quiet does get to me at times. I've recently noted that I talk to myself more than I used to. In the first year I can remember leaving the TV on just for the noise. I also hesitated going to night time things. I didn't like going home to an empty house. I am doing much better now. I think, in our modern world, we sometimes expect too much of ourselves, and others do the same thing for us. Grief takes time. I am still grieving and to an extent I will always grieve. Please give yourself time. One of my friends pointed out that it would be really sad if after a 42 year marriage I didn't grieve. I'm not telling you that your pain will go away, but I can tell you that for me it has lessened. Today I am more prone to remember the good things, the humor, the love. I still have bad days, but I have learned to accept and expect those. It's ok to feel lost and lonely at times. Hang in there. Seek professional help if you feel the need. Grief is a process and you must go through it in your own way and your own time. Hugs, Fay

donnare
Posts: 266
Joined: Jun 2009

Your post is heartbreaking and I am so sorry for your loss and everyone's who responded also. I am sending up a prayer for all of you.

My husband has been having a rough time, and his cancer is advanced. I am terrified of what is to come, and am having such a hard time even thinking about a life without him. He tells me I have to start thinking about things (finances, etc.), and I just don't want to -- it's like I am giving up and I am so not ready.

Your post hit such a nerve and I just wanted to say how very sorry I am for your loss. I hope time will help and wish you healing and peace in your heart.

Donna

jaycc
Posts: 130
Joined: Jul 2012

Dear VV,
Your words of the human heart was not meant for this kind of hurt is so true. Losing your spouse is like no other pain. Somewhere under all the pain, just my opinion, is a message of Love is really our being. We have been able to experience love, not everyone finds that in their experience on earth.
We have gone through the cancer battle. Now we take the battlefield again. How to move forward. I've just crossed a year since my husband went to heaven. The first year is so raw.
I'll share with you three points of advice from other widows/widowers I found to help while trying to find the way through the quicksand.
- Go easy on yourself, take breaks, and then take a few more breaks. (whether that's a walk outside, a talk with a friend, whatever helps you).
- The Love you have is always yours, no disease can take it away.
- When you ready, mix things up some in a way the helps you. (I moved our porch heating stove to where my husband's chair sat. Not to erase the memory, but more to follow his words " you will figure things out, and I will keep you warm")

Beckymarie
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

That was a nice response. As a widow of two years, I found it very profound and helpful. You are right, no disease can take away the love we shared.
I wish I could give each of you a hug. We will be okay. Time is a healer.

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2014 © Cancer Survivors Network