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I look at boobs a lot more now....LOL

AnnieTherese's picture
AnnieTherese
Posts: 67
Joined: Aug 2012

Since my mastectomy in January 2011, I find I notice other womens boobs all the time. I know I'm just jealous. :-) I think....hold on to them as long as you can girl and take good care of them, you just don't know when you might lose them. LOL

Although I've always been a very modest person in my dress, I've never tried to show cleavage, I still miss the one I've lost, even though it was a bit old and saggy. :-) I've started reconstruction but it'll never be the same as we all know. We can try and make ourselves look and feel the same as before, but of course it'll always really just be wishful thinking !!

Cheers, Annie :-)

Melaniedoingwell
Posts: 80
Joined: Nov 2011

hahahahaha

I had bi-lat 2/16/2011. For a while I would type breast instead of best, tit instead of it, etc.

Let's face it - our society is SUPER breast oriented and tells us in movies, TV, print ads that feminine beauty is defined by our breasts. That is not actually TRUE, however!

They are simply the most obvious physical representation of our femininity.

You know, I hope, that you are so much more than breasts!

chin up, hon - you're on the right side of the grass!
Melanie

SIROD's picture
SIROD
Posts: 2201
Joined: Jun 2010

Annie,

As time goes by, you will forget all about the lost. I didn't believe the friend who told me she never thinks about it at the time I had a mastectomy. Today, I believe she was 100% correct. I never think of the lost breast.

I work in a school, I remember a young man who developed osteosarcoma and had a cadaver bone graft replace the one he lost to cancer. He had one infection after another and finally agreed to have his leg amputated after a long struggle. There was a young lady who was briefly at our school and as I was helping her, I noticed her prosthetic arm. When I see how brave these young people are, those who struggle to adjust to their lost limb, dealing with other serious cancer or medical issues that require wheelchairs. My lost of a breast was easy to adjust.

Not trying to diminish the lost of loosing a breast. In due time, it isn't the biggest adjustment one needs to make in life, we will all encounter lost which will make this encounter not so bad. I do understand how you feel as I have been there. I can write now from a viewpoint of many years.

Wishing you the best on this journey,

Doris

AnnieTherese's picture
AnnieTherese
Posts: 67
Joined: Aug 2012

Actually it's rather funny sometimes when I hear of someone just being diagnosed with BC, I say and think...oh how sad, how awful for them....then after a few seconds I think...hang on a minute...I had that too. LOL. You're right, it does become kind of ordinary after a while. And although I've started the reconstruction process, I still wonder if I should have bothered, but it's begun now, and is costing me nothing, as long as it keeps going smoothly, I'll continue till it's finished in a couple of months, hopefully before Christmas.

People often ask me how I am...and I think for a second...well, I'm fine, why shouldn't I be....then I realise they mean...about the cancer...like...has it come back yet !! I feel perfectly NORMAL and healthy and act like I did before I was diagnosed.

Just after I had my mastectomy I saw a 3 oncologists...one youngish woman I saw, wore a very revealing dress...had BEAUTIFUL BOOBS...and I thought it was really very insensitive for an oncologist to wear such a revealing garment to work when dealing all day with women who had mastectomies. I complained about her to the hospital. :-)

survivorbc09
Posts: 4378
Joined: Jun 2009

I love reading your posts Annie Therese! You really are an inspiration!

AnnieTherese's picture
AnnieTherese
Posts: 67
Joined: Aug 2012

Actually it's rather funny sometimes when I hear of someone just being diagnosed with BC, I say and think...oh how sad, how awful for them....then after a few seconds I think...hang on a minute...I had that too. LOL. You're right, it does become kind of ordinary after a while. And although I've started the reconstruction process, I still wonder if I should have bothered, but it's begun now, and is costing me nothing, as long as it keeps going smoothly, I'll continue till it's finished in a couple of months, hopefully before Christmas.

People often ask me how I am...and I think for a second...well, I'm fine, why shouldn't I be....then I realise they mean...about the cancer...like...has it come back yet !! I feel perfectly NORMAL and healthy and act like I did before I was diagnosed.

Just after I had my mastectomy I saw a 3 oncologists...one youngish woman I saw, wore a very revealing dress...had BEAUTIFUL BOOBS...and I thought it was really very insensitive for an oncologist to wear such a revealing garment to work when dealing all day with women who had mastectomies. I complained about her to the hospital. :-)

Lynn Smith
Posts: 1265
Joined: Mar 2011

I was big breasted all my life.I gained 25 lbs once and was even larger.I was happy.I stayed that weight and breast size for 18 years.Just before the cancer hit I was under stress.Lost some weight and lost just a little bit of my breast size.Then the cancer.Didn't loose any but stress hit again and now I am down that full 25 lbs I gained years ago.Still have breasts for my size but not like before. I'm depressed.I want to be bigger more than ever now.It's teh cancer thing.

I guess I would also feel kinda put off when someone lets it all out and working with breast cancer patients.I don't think I ran into that yet.I would think she was rubbing it in.Esp like those who've had masectomies.Those of us who've had lumpectomies feel it too.

I think the one place I've noticed the workers letting it all out is the supermarkets.I am shocked the mamagers let these ladies and younger women show so much.The stores were I live let it happen.Where my husband works it got so bad with low cut tops all of the men and women MUST wear tee shirts and all dress the same tops.It was because women were letting it all hang out.

Lynn Smith

mamolady's picture
mamolady
Posts: 795
Joined: May 2011

I have always been small. I could wear a swimsuit cut down to my belly button and not have cleavage! I figure when women have it, it may be hard to not let it show? Some women's boobs just sit higher? My daughter has trouble with some tops because of that. She is very tiny boned but she needs a larger size to accommodate her boobs.
Funny though, I may have cleavage after my recon!

Cindy

Gabe N Abby Mom's picture
Gabe N Abby Mom
Posts: 2415
Joined: Sep 2010

I can't say I notice them all the time. But yes, I do sometimes feel that little pang of jealousy and wish I still had clevage...sigh.

Hugs,

Linda

ksf56's picture
ksf56
Posts: 203
Joined: Apr 2012

Surprisingly, I've always looked at other women's breasts because I've always been small chested. Yes it's been envy! I only had a cleavage when I was nursing. So...I had a double lumpectomy, on the smaller breast and now, I'm very lopsided and very conscious of it. I know it doesn't measure up to those of you that have had mastectomies but that's where I'm at. I went down 2 bra sizes after going through several different types etc. Oh well! I guess I've got to get used to it like everyone else. I'm better about it than I was early on.

Thanks for listening!
Karen

AnnieTherese's picture
AnnieTherese
Posts: 67
Joined: Aug 2012

When I was talking to the surgeon about my reconstruction, she said, I may make you a little smaller...I said...NO YOU WON'T...I'm a fairly big woman and like the size of my boobs just as they are, I don't want to be smaller thank you !! So we'll see what happens with the reconstruction, I'm only having one side done.

AMomNETN
Posts: 242
Joined: Apr 2010

Annie,
I almost started a post like this a couple of weeks ago. I think it is worse in the summer cuz so much is showing. I've had reconstruction but you are right it isn't the same. The only up side is that I don't have to wear a bra. I always wonder if the women realize how lucky they are to still have their breasts. I wouldn't trade my life for them but I can't help but wish I'd never met this cancer. Thanks for the post.

Janie

AnnieTherese's picture
AnnieTherese
Posts: 67
Joined: Aug 2012

It's funny, but I sometimes give my remaining boob a little poke...and smile and think, well thank God I've still got one left. I think it would be terrible to lose both as many ladies here have done. Mine might be a big old and saggy, but it's still mine and I'm glad I've got it. :-)

deerello
Posts: 22
Joined: Mar 2012

Yes, I notice them too. They are everywhere! Even the ladies that work in my plastic surgeons office have had theirs done. (Is that a perk or a prerequisite of the job?)I had a bilateral in 2/2012. My hair and my breasts were two of my best features, and they are both gone! My hair will grow back..... Anyway, I am looking at a long road of surgeries in the future but I plan on beating this cancer and getting back to some semblance of life as I knew it, and that includes breasts. My plastic surgeon does not talk about size because that is a ways down the road, but finally he told me he would make them as big as he could. I would like to at least have the size God gave me, although I can't imagine what they will feel like. It was my choice to have mine both removed as the chances were good the cancer would return. At least they will match, but I still miss the old ones. Amazing what you wake up every morning and take for granted!

AnnieTherese's picture
AnnieTherese
Posts: 67
Joined: Aug 2012

Yes Deerello, it is amazing what we take for granted, as they say, you don't know what you miss until it's gone. BUT...today, I had my second infusion and now have 200ml in my right breast and I actually have a teeny weeny bit of baby cleavage again. :-) :-) I can hardly believe it. I have to have at least 600ml put in or they may even take it to 700, so by Christmas with a bit of luck I might be finished. I'm really looking forward to it, I just hope the infusions keep going well. Good luck with all of what you're doing.

VickiSam's picture
VickiSam
Posts: 8423
Joined: Aug 2009

Women after my bilateral mastectomy .. I guess, I was a bit envious of them -- not
having to go thru the twisted roads of breast cancer. The chemo, the surgeries,
the uncertainty of our future. I can go on, but I won't.

Funny thing .. after I lost my hair .. I looked at women's hair in a new light ..color,
texture, length etc.

Nature of the beast, I guess.

Vicki Sam

AnnieTherese's picture
AnnieTherese
Posts: 67
Joined: Aug 2012

I remember a few years ago there was an Irish singer, I think her name was Senaid O'Connor, and she had a shaved head, on purpose, and I thought she looked BEAUTIFUL..bald really suited her. I have friends who have very small breasts naturally, and they seem quite happy with the way they are. They look like me after my mastectomy. I'm not exactlyl small. I'm looking forward to when my "new boob" is finished at the end of the year. :-)

Angie2U's picture
Angie2U
Posts: 2993
Joined: Sep 2009

Hooray for your cleavage Annie! Praying the infusions continue to go well for you too!

AnnieTherese's picture
AnnieTherese
Posts: 67
Joined: Aug 2012

My sister is coming to my place for lunch on Wednesday.....can't wait to show her my...baby boob !! :-)

Thanks for your comments Angie. xx

Nina B's picture
Nina B
Posts: 6
Joined: Sep 2012

You admit your have 1 old, saggy breast and 1 new one on the way. Will the new 1 match the old one? Will it be new and saggy or new and perky?

24242
Posts: 1417
Joined: Mar 2001

I was not like most women who had some attachment to their breasts. Actually after working in male oriented carrers it is refreshing to have men look me in the eye now that I am a flat liner. I have looked back on my life only to be reminded of how we should be careful what we wish for. I always hated having breasts because that always meant that I had to wear a shirt while my brother ran around half naked. I also use to pray to be the one to bear such pain as breast cancer only because I would only want to spare the people I love from what my grandmother had to go through. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm I might of thought of praying about something different like money that my friends seem to pray for.

My chest is distorted since not doing reconstruction and I don't even notice or care more interested in sparing myself from more pain that is all...

Great Posts
Tara

bgfreed
Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2012

I, too look at other women's boobs. I had an estrogen-positive, fast-growing, malignant double-cancer in my left breast. I then had a mastectomy (only ten month's into my yearly mammo)five years ago. I have been on Arimidex, Aromasin, & Tamoxifine for the past five years. I am very happy to be pronounced cancer-free after these 5 years, but I really feel NO ONE in the medical field is helping us AFTER the crisis. I don't think there is enough research dealing with the after-effects of mastectomy and chemotherapy for women.

Today, I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I wondered where it came from until I remembered that ten minutes before, I had been thinking about my physical dilemma. I had chemo and lost all my hair, I then took adjuvant therapy for five years. During that whole five years, my hair came in thin (believe me, I had the thickest head of hair before that the beautician had to use thinning scissors) now scant in spots, sores grew in my head, and I gained weight from the adjuvant therapy meds (over 30+ lbs. after I had lost 17 lbs in the first two weeks of chemo).

I elected to have a tram-flap procedure during mastectomy surgery. I had a total of five surgeries during the first year of breast cancer. (I had a re-excision where the doctor found another cancer growing under the first lump, and then an unexpected start-stop mastectomy because of a heart problem during surgery.) By the way, my doctors, ICU staff, chemo nurses were ALL excellent. After being very tired of doctors' hands all over me, I elected to stop the reconstruction of the breast after two surgeries. I was tired and ready to just fight my cancer, regain strength, and get on with living.

What I want to express is my dismay and aloneness in womanhood now. I was 60 yrs old during my cancer, now I am left with a huge stomach scar, one actual-looking right breast (no left), thin kincky strands of hair, and a mental depression that I cannot even begin to describe. I am looking at maybe another 20 years or more most likely without sex with my husband. I am in therapy and I have a sweet, wonderful husband that stood beside me ALL the way, BUT look at what is left (besides the eradication of cancer). I have no cleavage, I am scarred, and I would "repel even a rapist" as Ann Rice puts in one of her books. I am just now trying to wear augmented bras because 'braless' just made me look older. I am seeing a nutritionist for weight (they are highly recommended), and I walk 3 miles three to four times a week, all of which has been a YEAR of only 26 pounds lost, leaving me still 20 pounds overweight (of which the researchers are telling us that weight gain attributes to cancer!?!).

I want to know WHO is helping us survivors be physically viewed or loved again?? Does anyone really expect a human husband to find his cancer-surviving wife physically appealing and touch her again?? This is a subject I find extremely hard to describe to even a therapist. Where do we begin to make repairs in such a scarred life?? I talked with the NIH Cancer Research people (very nice , informative, and helpful) and they told me there is very, very little 'out there' upon which to draw on concerning this subject.

Anyone out there have any words or ideas to help? (Please know I AM, however, thankful for my LIFE.)

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