Aug 15, 2012 - 10:45 am
First let me say that I'm having a really bad day today. Usually, I can cope with things better and maintain a positive attitude. Just don't feel like it today.
My first cancer and lumpectomy was in 2008. In July, 2010, I was diagnosed again and have been in various chemos solid since then. Last March the PET showed remission and I had three cycles left of Xeloda. At the end of that, cancer had reappeared so now I'm on Abraxane. I have also had a double mastectomy in May of last year. They had to go in twice because they didn't get it all the first time. I had to have skin grafts because of the large area, the result of which is back spasms where they took the graft out of my back. At the present time, I am Stage 4.
On May 23 of this year my precious daughter was diagnosed with leukemia. As God would have it, my son was a perfect match and he donated his cells last week. My daughter has checked back into the hospital - starts the 24/7 chemo to bring her to zero so she can have the transplant. She's only 43! Obviously I can't go to her (she's out of state) because of my treatment. Its so frustrating to not be able to be there for her.
So today I'm looking at the internet and Facebook. People are planning vacations, going to work, posting stupid stuff to Facebook, worrying about manicures, etc. Guess I'm jealous because my whole life revolves around cancer.
I want it to be over and have my life back. I want to be healthy and not have this cancer over my head every single day. I want my daughter to be able to raise her two special needs children. There is no family history of breast cancer or leukemia. Lucky us, we are the first. Thanks for listening.