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My mom/everything/best friend passed away June 2012 from GBM IV

lulu1103
Posts: 8
Joined: Aug 2012

Hi,my name is Christi and I am 28 years old. My mom had me when she was 20 and I always appreciated having a young mom as I thought we would both grow old together. I never wanted to have to live without her. My mom was and still is my best friend, everything, other half and my biggest cheerleader. She was everything to me and we would always say how lucky we were that cancer did not run in our family. I have a 3 year old daughter who was everything to my mom. They were best buds and my mom lived for that little girl. I am also an only child and both my parents are my best friends. We called ourselves the 3 amigos and I cherished alone time with them and loved the fact that I was the only child. On february 9th, 2012 I got the call from my dad that would change my life forever. My mom had been acting different. We would text message 5 times a day and she started to tell me she wasn't getting my texts which did not make sense. After about two weeks my dad took her into the doctor and to be safe got an MRI of her brain as she was having terrible headaches as well. When I got the call from my dad he said she had a brain tumor and I almost dropped the phone. At this time we did not know if it was cancerous or not so I kept my hopes up. A week later the we found out it was the worst kind of brain cancer-GBM IV. We found a surgeon in Madison WI who was able to remove 100% of the tumor! yay...however the doctor informed us that it still usually comes back. Also with this, my mom suffered a stroke during the surgery and could not talk or move her right side. This meant she couldnt play with her granddaughter and that devestated her. The next four months she was in and out of the hospital as a drug to prevent seizures caused her to not have white blood cells and they never came back up. She was unable to fight an infections and it made her week. She completed rehab and chemo and her fu MRI was on June 15th, 2012. After the doctor had got 100% I figured this would come back good. I got the call from my dad that the tumor was back and bigger than the original size only four months later. One week later, my mother passed away. This was on June 26th, 2012. I lost my everything and I feel that a part of me has died. I am thankful to have my dad as he is a very positive person and has helped me but I struggle everyday just to make it through the day. I have constant anxiety and panic attacks. I live 2 hours away from my parents house. This weekend I went home for a daughter/father weekend which I needed. My dad helps to lift me up. He is my hero and now am scared that I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to him. I miss my mom everyday and cry everyday. My best friend is gone and I thought she'd live until 100. This year has been terrible and I still keep saying I want her back even though I know I can't have her back. I talk to her everyday but would give anything to be in her loving arms again. I just want to know that I will not feel this empty and lost someday as it's the worst feeling in the world and I know I will never go through a more difficult time than losing my mom. I love her so much and she will be in my heart forever. Can anyone share similar stories or advise on helpful tips to get by in life?

Momof2plusteentwins
Posts: 433
Joined: May 2012

I am 49 and had my daughter at 20 just like your mom. I was diagnosed with colon cancer 4/11/2012. My daughter is 29, my sons are 26, twins are 15. Mt daughter lives 45 minutes away and comes to visit about 2 tines a week. Moms and daughters are always close. I am stage 4 colon cancer which doesn't look to good. My daughter is trying to have a baby now. My only fear of dying is leaving my husband and children. Im sure your mother felt the same way. I think the only think that heals now is time. It hurts me so much to think how devasted my daughter will be after I go. Your wound is so new, it is so fresh for you, I hope time can help you. I'm so glad you have your father and daughter. Know that your mother loved you more than life, and would have done anything to be here with you.
Sandy

lulu1103
Posts: 8
Joined: Aug 2012

I want to thank you for your reply and to also wish you the best. If your children are like me, you are everything to them.

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